Parade of Champions

Coach of the Year Kyle Whittingham and quarterback Brian Johnson

Yesterday afternoon the best college football team in the nation had a victory parade in downtown Salt Lake City. Since I was working right around the corner I decided to duck out and check out the festivities. It was awesome.

Swoop was there (He and I are friends on Facebook)

Aiona Key

Normally I would never even mention a kicker, but Louie Sakoda was awesome this year.

Matt Asiata

Even Patrick's friend the pirate was there.

Improvement

At this week’s Junior Jazz game Patrick showed some signs of progress. Not only did he touch the ball, he took two shots. One rolled off the rim, the other was rejected by a kid on the other team. I think the kid who blocked him stood over him and said ‘Man’s game, bitch!” The things they teach kids these days…

Two highlights from this week’s game: First, you know how there is always one kid who is twice the size of any other kid in the game? Well this kid was playing for the other team. He was huge and he just bowled the other boys over and brutalized them. At one point a kid from our team stole the ball and started down the court on a fast break. The big boy ran with him, reaching in for the steal. Being tired of being pushed around, the kid with the ball gave the bruiser a stiff-arm to the chest that would make any football player proud. The oversized child was on his heels and back pedaled his way to the floor while Patrick’s teammate finished the lay-up. But don’t feel bad for the fat kid. A few minutes later a kid from P’s team put up a shot that clanged off the rim. The big kid wasn’t paying attention and the ball bounced right off his head and into the hands of Patrick’s teammate, who scored on the play. So at least the bruiser gave our team an assist. I love watching ‘herd ball’. It’s highly entertaining…

Taking in a Game

I took Patrick to his Junior Jazz game yesterday, and decided to take the video camera. I wish that I had taken shots of him during warm-ups so you could see his shot form. I didn’t know that during the game he would never touch the ball.



You might have noticed during the video that I was sitting next to Josh’s dad. Who is Josh? Some kids from the other team. Fortunately Josh is on another team, so I won’t have to listen to him each week. Junior Jazz is using the motto “Coaches coach, Players play, referees ref and parents cheer.” Apparently Josh’s dad got the ‘coaches coach’ and ‘parents cheer’ part mixed up. Josh’s dad is ‘that guy’. You know the guy? There’s one at every youth sporting event. He criticizes the refs for allowing 6 year olds to travel and double dribble. He yells at his kid for taking bad shots. He makes fun of kids when they do something wrong. He pulls the 15 year old volunteer ref aside during time outs to ‘give him some pointers’. He gets upset with the coach if his kid doesn’t start and close the game. He strolls out onto the court between quarters with his other son to give the other son some pointers on proper form and makes a show of it in front of all the other parents. You know the guy. He probably also brags to his kids about how he played defensive end for a major university, while forgetting to tell them that he never started, and never made a play on the field. He kind of reminds me of Rome’s ’softball guy’. As I make my way through the world of my kids’ sporting and dance events, that guy is going to be my biggest challenge. He’s an a-hole. And he teaches his kids to be a-holes.

He’s too smart for my own good

Disclaimer: The following post contains foul language. If you are offended by dirty words, please come back next week. Otherwise, enjoy.

On New Year’s Eve we usually gather at Alley’s house for food and games, and this year was no different. The only game we got to was the Quiddler. For those who haven’t heard of this game, the point is to use cards that you are dealt to create words. Each card has a letter, and a point associated with that letter, and a player gets credit for each letter used, and penalized for each letter they can’t use. The first round starts with each player getting three cards, then four, all the way up to ten cards in the final round.

In the second round I was dealt 4 cards: K, U, N and T. Players aren’t supposed to show other players their cards until the end of the round, but I couldn’t help it. I held the cards out to Jeff and asked if I could use those 4 letters for my word. Everyone had a good laugh, and I was told that I could not use them for that word, as it was misspelled.

My mother had been busy trying to make a word with her cards and didn’t see what I held up. “What was the word?” She asked. It was then that I realized that Patrick had been looking over my shoulder. “He spelled ‘cunt’” Patrick said. Sometimes I am really proud of the fact that Patrick can spell and sound out words as well as he can. Other times I wish he couldn’t spell at all…

Rolled Tide

I am a Utah Man, sir,

and I live across the green,

Our gang it is the jolliest that you have ever seen.

Our coeds are the fairest

and each one's a shining star,

Our yell, you'll hear it ringing

through the mountains near and far!
Who am I, sir?

A Utah Man am I!

A Utah Man, sir,Will be 'til I die.

Ki-yi!

We're up to snuff, we never bluff,

we're game for any fuss.

No other gang of college men dare meet us in a muss.

So fill your lungs and sing it out

and shout it to the sky,

We'll fight for dear old crimson

for a Utah Man am I!

Go Utes!

Last night we sat down to watch the Utes take on Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. For a month now we have been hearing from all the prognosticators about how the Utes were going to get crushed by the Tide, how Utah was too small to keep up with ‘Bama’s front line, how teams from the Mountain West don’t stack up against ‘real’ BCS teams from the SEC, about how the Utes had no business being in this game, blah blah, woof woof.

The Utes answered the critics by punching Saban’s team in the mouth right from the get go, going up 21-0 and winning by two touchdowns, 31-17. It was awesome. The best play of the game from Alabama was a 73 yard touchdown run, which we all missed. You see, we were watching the game in the meager confines of Pat’s house, and when the winter storm rolled in during the second quarter, she lost her signal. So we had to pack up and move the party to the Shirley house.




It was a great win, and I am really happy for the players, the school and coach Whittingham.

My New Blog

I have decided to start a new blog. I have a lot of opinions about sports and in particular the NBA. But I know that people who check in on this blog aren't always interested in them. So I have created a blog dedicated to my rants on sports. It can be found at:

http://belthighdribble.blogspot.com/

Christmas Eve 2008

Like most parents Kate and I wish that the kids would go to bed at a decent hour on Christmas Eve, so that Santa Claus can come before it gets really late. This year I decided to take the kids sledding during the day in an attempt to wear them out. It didn't work. But we still had a great time. Cousin Warren, who lives in Las Vegas had a chance to take in some good snow while here. Here are some of the things that we learned while sledding:

-Filming while sledding is not a good idea.

-If you are going down and Bean is coming up and you buzz her, she will take a swipe at you.

-Sometimes the camera man, while attempting to get a good shot, gets too close the the action, and gets plowed.

-When a 200 pound man sledding at full speed hits a tree, it hurts. A lot.

Mr. C

Kate found the following letter, which was addressed on the outside to 'Mr. C'. I am pretty sure that Mr. C will write her back.

A Couple of Real Performers

Tonight we attended a dance recital for Samantha and Bean. There were 46 numbers in the program, and Samantha's was 38th. It made for a long night. But Bean managed to steal the show. When you see the video, you'll understand. This was to be her dancing debut. It may also have been her finale.

Sums me up pretty well

The following document was found in Whitney's backpack this week. I don't know what the parameters of the assignment were, but it paints an interesting picture of me...

Shooting My Mouth Off Again

The following ran in the Sunday Sports section of the Salt Lake Tribune this week.

If you can't see it very well, go here

Using the wrong bowl!

I realize that I post about Patrick quite a bit. Probably more often than the other kids. But it should be noted that not all of the posts about Patrick are always positive. Case in point, an incident that happened this morning. It should also be noted that this post may qualify under TMI: Too much information.

So here is what happened. I was being lazy and didn't want to make lunch. I told the kids that if they wanted to have cereal for lunch they could. Patrick and Whitney were the last two to eat, and before long I heard Whitney running up the stairs calling for me. "Patrick just peed in Bean's cereal bowl!" she cried.

"I had to go!" Patrick expalined when confronted. "And I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom!"

Looking on the bright side, I am glad that Bean was done with her cereal.

The incident reminded me of several things:
1. When I was a kid it was popular to ask of someone who was grumpy "Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?"
2. A line from the movie Steel Magnolias where a woman says of her friend's husband "I'm sure he's a real gentleman. He probably clears the dishes from the sink before pissing in it."
3. A story that one of my mother's co-workers shared with her about when she was potty training her son, and he woke up in the middle of the night, went to the kitchen, opened the refirgerator and pooped in the salad crisper. The best part of that story was a week after the woman told it, they had a pot luck lunch, where the woman brought a green salad, which no one ate of course...

Eat up!

Guitar-zan

I haven't uploaded a video recently, so I thought I'd share this one about Kate and the kids rocking out. I love Guitar Hero. Everyone at our house loves it, except Bean, who prefers her Jonas Brothers. I especially love Patrick's stance while jamming and how he dances while the star power is on. What I don't love is that Kate kicks my butt every time we duel. But I guess I shouldn't feel bad. She kicks everyone's butts.

Miles to Go

This coming Saturday Patrick starts his first season of Junior Jazz. I hope he enjoys it more than he liked soccer. Being a person who was born and raised with basketball, I am very excited that he wanted to play.

For those who are not familiar with Junior Jazz, I can tell you that one of the things they do is, when teams are organized, each coach is given jerseys for each player. The numbers on each of the jerseys correspond to players currently on the Jazz roster. So you can imagine that mothers all across the state are signing kids up to play in the hopes that their child will draw the #26 jersey. So whose number did Patrick’s coach give him? Deron Williams’ #8? Memo’s number 13? Boozer’s #5? How about Andrei’s #47? Nope…


Number 34: CJ freaking Miles! Oh the humanity! Are you kidding me? Maybe the coach knew that Patrick is left handed and wanted him to feel comfortable in a fellow south paw’s number. I must look on the bright side, though: At least the coach didn’t dole out the #31 to my son…

P.S. When you Google search for pictures of CJ Miles, you get more than shots of basketballs. Apparently there is a young woman with the same name, and she doesn’t like to wear clothes…

The Space Shuttle Extravagance


When I woke up that morning I wasn’t planning on buying a new vehicle. And I sure as hell wasn’t aware that I was about to be without 4 wheel drive. But when Kate took the Durango in to the shop we found out that the strange noise it was making was a big problem. Weighing the options we decided not to put more money into repairs on the old beast than the old beast was worth.

So now we have a Space Shuttle (Chrysler Town and Country). I’ve been criticized for buying a new car during these times of economic recession, but really, I found it was a good time to buy. You can all but name your own price.

I’ve also been criticized for getting all the extras: 20 gig hard drive in the dash, a removable table in the middle, dual DVD players with wireless headsets, rear camera, leather seats, cold drink dispenser. But I have only one thing to say to all you complainers: you don’t have to drive it…

The Blushing Bean

Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful until Scott noticed that Lauren's neck and face were really rosy. We stripped off her clothes to find her whole body covered in hives. We dosed her up with Benadryl and Cortizone, and were about ten minutes away from taking her to Primary's for treatment when the rash seemed to subside. She's doing fine now, but we still have no inkling of what caused the rash as well as the cough she had had the night before. It had to have been really uncomfortable for her, but she weathered it like a real trooper.

Rivalry Shenanigans

3 months ago I stepped in to the University Bookstore to gather my school supplies and found a great deal on a University of Utah flag. Patrick had been asking me if he could hang a flag on the playground for some time, so I decided to pick it up. He helped me to mount the pole on the playground and was quite proud. He even asked me if he can get a pirate flag some time.

The flag has been flowing in the breeze all fall, but tonight I got home from work to find that taken the flag down, wadded it up, and thrown it under the playground. I thought that it was the high winds we've been having at first, until I found the heap tucked away underneath. No way it got there by itself. And no way it came down accidentally. It was bolted to the pole.

To be honest I am amazed that it took this long for someone to monkey with it. You hear jokes about people bearing their testimony of BYU football from the pulpit, but in my neighborhood it can happen. What kills me is that when rivalry week comes around each year, the BYU honks give it to me by saying that Utah fans are nasty, dirty and take low shots, but that BYU fans are more dignified and would never lower themselves to some of the things that Ute fans do. To that I now say, "Hi. Kettle? This is the Pot..."

Speaking of the rivalry, I got a text message from Chas on Saturday that read "6 days to BYU victory" I told Pat about it, and she decided she wanted in on the smack talk. She sent Chas a text that read, "I can't wait to see BYU get their butts kicked on Saturday. BYU! BYU! Where girls are girls and boys are too." (I know, very mature). He didn't respond, so she sent another a few hours later that read, "I take it from your silence that you agree with me." "Who is this?" he responded. "God" was Pat's response. We let him wonder for a couple of days before I told him who it really was. He hasn't responded. I think he's really pissed.

Sammi Shurtz

We celebrated Samantha's 5th Birthday on Monday. She chose to have her party at Jungle Jim's Playland.

Bean wanted to ride the bumper cars, but was too small to go alone...

So I took one for the team. I drove with one hand and pushed the floor petal with the other. That steering wheel is murder on the old package...

I finally figured out that Bean could ride with Samantha. Here Bean, like most Utah drivers, uses the one fingered salute to express how she feels about the kid who just rammed them.

Samantha is a pretty good driver and could avoid getting hit by any other driver. But she never passed the opportunity to T-Bone her brother.

Whitney was gracious enough to act as Maddi's escort on the rides.

Bean also wanted to go on the 'spinning' ride with Patrick and Samanth...

...and quickly decided that it was a bad idea. Then she thought that if she went by herself that she would like it better, since she wouldn't be smooshed. She was wrong.

Patrick earned enough tickets from the games to buy a pair of Chinese fingercuffs. He's been stuck in them for 4 days now. It's been great.

Out with the Old...

Six years ago we bought several goldfish for the tank we kept in the office. All but one died, and that one little goldfish survived a solitary existence in the cold dark office for a long time unharmed. Last week Kate took Patrick and Samantha to buy a couple of fish to add to the tank. P wanted the tank in his room, so we moved it up. Within 24 hours of moving from the basement, Goldie was dead, along with Patrick and Samantha's new fish, having been overfed by an unnamed Shirley child. Sometimes when you're forgotten in the basement, it is best to be left there. Ask Omnibot...

But we did replace the new fish that had been killed, and on Sunday we added a hamster when Grandpa Stretch brought over his birthday present for Whitney. She has determined to name the hamster 'Blackie' because of the color of his fur. I am struggling to get her to understand that she needs to pick a different name...

Halloweenies

The big scary holiday went off without a hitch. Annie, Sandy, Cinderella and Batman hauled in a ton of candy for me to take to work. It should be noted that Bean dressed as Sandy only because her first costume (A High School Musical Cheerleader, of course) got barfed on.

In case you're wondering, the answer is yes, we do let the kids cut their own jack-o-lantern faces...

...and if you're wondering how I get such perfect round circles cut in the faces, it is a 1 1/2 inch drill bit...

Kate still wasn't feeling well, so she took the easy road to carving pumpkins and just backed over it with the Durango.