Ho! ‘Tis I, Omnibot 2000. And once again I have survived the turmoil that seems destined to follow me. Last Fall that tool Chris Shirley received an offer from a young chap in France who offered to buy me. At first I was disturbed at the thought of being bought and sold like some immaterial object. I soon came to realize that a life in France would be far better than the modest existence I endure here in Utah. I would rather be the servant of the lowest ploughman in France than king of Salt Lake City. The sot Chris Shirley gave me a song and dance about how he is too busy to part me out and send me off. But I know the real story. He wants me around to do the menial jobs that he is too lazy to do.
So to get back at him I made myself as useless as possible. I was determined to sit around and watch basketball all winter, just to spite him. But a curious thing happened: I found that I really enjoy the hoop action. By the end of the winter (which lasted way too long) I was hooked. I didn’t miss a moment of the Jazz’ post season run which was unceremoniously cut short by those awful, disgraceful Lakers. I’m still pissed off that Jeff wasted all that money on playoff tickets and didn’t even invite me to a single game.
I moped about mourning the end of the basketball season until I was called upon to coach Patrick’s soccer team. Though I only coached for four short weeks I found that the competition filled the void I felt. The season ended with my coaching record at 3-1, and our team outscored our opponents 42-8. Take that Phil Jackson Zen Master! And what did I get for my efforts with the team? A blinkin’ hat.
Since I have no sports in my life right now I have taken to auto repair. The hot mistress of this house, Kate, is excited to see that I have resurrected the Jeep and removed its carcass from the garage. Dropping the fuel tank to replace the fuel pump was no easy feat, but I worked my magic on it. It’s going to be a wonderful summer of four-wheeling in Moab for me!
Well, ta-ta until we meet again! I am off to pick up Paris for a ‘night run’ in the Jeep, if you catch my drift…
5 comments:
If you can wave a flag or towel, then you're in next year.
I want a robot that works on my cars.
You are such a dork
i think you should teach him to clean houses and then hire him out. Pocket a little money. Then again, it would probably be more lucrative hiring him out for automotive repair. That seems to be more up his alley.
The front of you jeep looks like a omnibot.
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