I realize that I haven't posted in quite a while, but there is a good reason for that. Recently one of my employees commented that it is almost uncanny the way that I can pull out a movie quote for any occasion. I don't think it is uncanny. It's sad. I have so much useless information in my head from spending hours on end watching films that there is little room for anything else. So I decided over the last few weeks when a line from a film popped up I'd write it down, and compile it for your veiwing pleasure.

A few things to note about this list: First, any time you include something in a list you exclude others. This is not a comprehensive list of all of my favorites. It's a sample. Second, you'll see quotes from films and think of other quotes from the same film and say, "Hey, what about this one." Personally I think that some of the most famous quotes are the worst. I think that often times the best quotes come from the smaller characters and from the most obscure films. Third I'd like to point out that most often these quotes are never to be used in a serious sense. For example if I was to include the Jerry Maguire line, "You had me from hello." You need to know that I would only use it on someone to make fun of them.

The only order to this list is the order in which they popped into my head. If you see a quote and can't figure out why it is memorable, it may be because of the context. I suggest renting the film and seeing for yourself. Or you can post a comment to me and I will explain. So without further ado, please enjoy.

Chris

“You’re mom goes to college.” -Kip Dynamite (Aaron Ruell) Napoleon Dynamite

“How come I have to be Mr. Pink?”
“Cause you’re a faggot!” -Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi) and Joe Cabot (Lawrence
Tierney) Reservoir Dogs

“If I was a butt-cowboy I wouldn’t throw you to the posse.” Mr. Blonde (Michael
Madsen) Reservoir Dogs

“Now y’all without sin, can cast the first stone.” -H.I. McDunnough (Nicolas Cage)
Raising Arizona

“You take the diaper off of your head and you put it back onto your sister!” -Dot
(Frances McDormand) Raising Arizona

“I don’t know! They were jammies! They had yodas and shit on ‘em!” -Nathan Arizona
Huffhines Sr. (Trey Wilson) Raising Arizona

“Would you buy furniture from a place called ‘Unpainted Huffhines’?” -Nathan
Arizona Huffhines Sr. (Trey Wilson) Raising Arizona

“Is it Friday already?” -Todd Hockney (Kevin Pollak) The Usual Suspects

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”
-Roger ‘Verbal’ Kint (Kevin Spacey) The Usual Suspects

“Do you have any tobacco?” -Nobody (Gary Farmer) Dead Man

“Yippee Ki Yah, mother (expletive)” –John McClane (Bruce Willis) Die Hard

“Hey everybody! We landed on the moon!” -Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carey) Dumb and
Dumber

“I ain’t got time to bleed.” -Blain (Governor Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura) Predator

“Ernest Hemmingway once wrote ‘The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.’ I
agree with the second part.” -Detective Lt. William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) Seven

“I doubt they’ll kick up any fuss. Not for an old con like me.” -Ellis Boyd ‘Red’
Redding (Morgan Freeman) The Shawshank Redemption

“Don’t make me laugh. Ha, ha ha!” -Danny Zuko (John Travolta) Grease

“It’s just a flesh wound!...C’mon you pansy!” -The Black Knight (John Cleese) Monty
Python and the Holy Grail

“You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped by him.”
“I’ll waive my rights.” -Fletch (Chevy Chase) and the detectives Fletch

“Why don’t you guys go down the to gym and pump each other?” -Fletch (Chevy Chase)
Fletch

“You usin’ the whole fist, doc?” -Fletch (Chevy Chase) Fletch

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” -Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) Gone with the Wind

“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine.” –Rick
Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) Casablanca

“Rosebud…” –Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) Citizen Kane

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning!” -Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert
Duvall) Apocalypse Now

“I’m ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille.” -Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson) Sunset
Boulevard)

“You know I could have been in the NSA, but they found out my parents were married.”
-Martin Bishop (Robert Redford) Sneakers

“So, she's a dog...” –Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) Ghostbusters

“We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!” –Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) Ghostbusters

“What about the twinkie?” –Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) Ghostbusters

“Looks like Chuck’s taking her for a ride on the old baloney pony!...Looks like Chuck’s a
tomcat on the prowl! Meow!...He's taking her to the one-eyed optometrist!” -Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith) Grumpy Old Men

“Excuse me. I believe that you have my stapler.” Milton Waddums (Stephen Root)
Office Space

“Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays!” -Secretary Office Space

“I got the memo!” -Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston) Office Space

“Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour…Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.” -
Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston) Office Space

“There can be only one!” -Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) The Highlander

“What are you reading?”
“Great Expectations.”
“Is it any good?”
“It’s not what I had hoped for.” -Rabinowitz (Ryan Stiles) and Topper Harley
(Charlie Sheen) Hot Shots Part Deux

“I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.” -Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen) Airplane

“Joey…you ever seen a grown man naked?...Joey…Do you like to watch movies about gladiators?...Joey…you ever been to a Turkish prison?...Joey…you like to hang around the locker room?” -Captain Oveur (Peter Graves) Airplane

“You have clearance Clarence.”
“Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?” Control tower and Captain Oveur
(Peter Graves) Airplane

“You have a rendezvous with my ass mother(expletive).” Frank Horrigan (Clint
Eastwood) In the Line of Fire

“He’s tall, blonde he smokes a cigar and he’s a pig.” -Tuco (Eli Wallach) The Good the
Bad and the Ugly

“God is not on our side because he hates idiots also.” The Man with no Name (Clint
Eastwood) The Good the Bad and the Ugly

“I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise. And sometimes they don’t get up.” -Tuco (Eli Wallach) The Good the Bad and the Ugly

“When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk.” -Tuco (Eli Wallach) The Good the Bad and
the Ugly

“Well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man.”
“He should have armed himself…” -Little Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman) and
William Munny (Clint Eastwood) Unforgiven

“I know what you're thinking. 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” Harry Callahan (Clint
Eastwood) Dirty Harry

“You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here.” -Travis Bickle (Robert
DeNiro) Taxi Driver

“You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.” Al Capone (Robert DeNiro) Untouchables

“You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?” -Dr. Ian Malcom
(Jeff Goldblum) Jurassic Park

“You’re going to need a bigger boat.” -Police Chief Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) Jaws

"You shall not pass!” -Gandalf (Ian McKellen) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

“’Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All ‘Jedi' had was a bunch of Muppets.” -Dante Hicks (Brian O’Halloran) Clerks

“I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.” Randall Graves (Jeff Anderson)
Clerks

“Man! You are one pathetic loser.” Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carey) Dumb and Dumber

“That show ‘Cops’…I love it!” Gas Station Attendant (Blake Clark) Nothing to Lose

“I ain't through with you by damn sight. I'm a get medieval on your ass.” Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) Pulp Fiction

“Oh I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration?” Jules (Samuel Jackson) Pulp Fiction

“The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.” Captain Koon (Christopher Walken) Pulp Fiction

“If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor here. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So, pretty please, with sugar on top…” The Wolf (Harvey Keitel) Pulp Fiction

“Bring out the Gimp.” Zed (Peter Greene) Pulp Fiction

“What knockers!” Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) Young Frankenstein

“I like them French fried potaters.” Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) Sling Blade

“Poor people are crazy, Jack. I'm eccentric.” Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper) Speed

“Actually I look like a can of smashed assholes.” Zane Zaminski (Charlie Sheen) The
Arrival

“It can’t rain all the time.” Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) The Crow

“They’re all dead. They just don’t know it yet.” Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) The Crow

“’Yes’ is a comfort. ‘Absolutely’ is not.” Katharine Clifton (Kristin Scott Thomas) The
English Patient

“I once traveled with a guide who was taking me to Faya. He didn't speak for nine hours. At the end of it he pointed to the horizon and said, "Faya!" That was a good day.” Count Laszlo de Almásy (Ralph Fiennes) The English Patient

“Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is not.” Dave (Mark
Addy) The Full Monty

“Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.” Don Corleone (Marlon Brando) The Godfather

“I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.” Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) The Godfather

“Say hello to my little friend!” Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface

“Ever hear of a ritual killing? Gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one.” Buck Russell (John Candy) Uncle Buck

“I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!” Buck Russell (John Candy)
Uncle Buck

“Now you listen to me you fat tub of goo!” Dean Richmond (Larry Miller) The Nutty
Professor

“Death is…whimsical…today.” Detective Stansfield (Gary Oldman) The Professional

“Have you seen my…wiener?” Warren Jensen (W. Earl Brown) There’s Something
About Mary

“What about Brett Faaaavre?” Ted Stroehman (Ben Stiller) There’s Something About
Mary

“Frank ‘n Beans!” Warren Jensen (W. Earl Brown) There’s Something About Mary

“I work with retards.” Pat Healy (Matt Dillon) There’s Something About Mary

“I am Godzilla! You are Japan!” Critical Bill (Treat Williams) Things to do in Denver
When You’re Dead

“Let me see if I've got this straight: in order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy and I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy any more and I have to keep flying.” Capt. John Yossarian (Alan Arkin) Catch 22

“Klaatu verata nicto!” Helen Benson (Patricia Neal) The Day the Earth Stood Still

“Now listen up, you primitive screwheads. See this? This... is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?” Ash (Bruce Campbell)
Army of Darkness

“Well HELLO Mr. Fancypants! I got news for you, pal. You ain’t leadin’ but two things right now. Jack and Shit. And Jack left town.” Ash (Bruce Campbell) Army of Darkness

“Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I am king. Hail to the King, baby!” Ash (Bruce Campbell) Army of Darkness

“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?” Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) Raiders of the
Lost Ark

“You want to talk to God? Let’s go see him together. I’ve got nothing better to do.”
Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) Raiders of the Lost Ark

“I…don’t….bargain.” Marshal Samuel Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones) The Fugitive

“Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in where a man dressed as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!” The Joker (Jack Nicholson) Batman

“Good morning, Dave” HAL 9000 (Douglas Rain) 2001: A Space Odyssey

“Wendy. I’m home.” Jack Torrence (Jack Nicholson) The Shining

“Redrum…redrum…redrum” Danny Torrence (Danny Lloyd) The Shining

“Gentlemen! You cannot fight in here! This is the war room!” President Merkin
Muffley (Peter Sellers) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

“We can’t stop here. This is bat country!” Raoul Drake (Johnny Depp) Fear and
Loathing in Las Vegas

“Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave.” Roy Batty
(Rutger Hauer) Bladerunner

“It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?” Gaff (Edward James Olmos)
Bladerunner

“Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?” Jake Taylor (Tom Berringer)
Major League

“Up your butt, Jobu” Eddie Harris (Chelcie Ross) Major League

“Y’a like dags?” Mickey O’Neil (Brad Pitt) Snatch

“Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’” Red (Morgan Freeman) The Shawshank Redemption

“I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star.” Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg) Boogie Nights

“This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.” Lester Burnham
(Kevin Spacey) American Beauty

“Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus but it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car!” Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“I don’t trust this kid any further than I can throw him.”
“Well, with your bad knee, Ed you shouldn’t throw anybody.” Ed Rooney
(Jeffrey Jones) and Grace (Edie McClurg) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!” Charlie Meadows (John Goodman)
Barton Fink

“You know, for kids.” Norville Barnes The Hudsucker Proxy

“You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.” Ulysses Everett McGill (George
Clooney) O Brother Where Art Thou?

“I'm a writer, you monsters! I create! I create for a living! I'm a creator! I am a creator!”
Barton Fink (John Turturro) Barton Fink