A Girl's Best Friend

For years Froggy has slept in Whitney's room, usually on her bed. Lately Froggy has switched over to Bean's bed. Both Bean and Froggy love it. Froggy gets someone who wants to cuddle with her, and Lauren gets a soft warm pillow. While sleeping they play 'Dueling Snores'. It makes quite a symphony.

And sometimes when Bean can't find Froggy, she just has to use the arm of the glider rocker...

Salt Lake Half Marathon 2009

Kate's time: 1 hour, 50 minutes. My time: longer than that...

A Little Something for Everyone

I actually have a little tidbit about each member of the family for this post. I will start with the most pressing issue: my wife. We had yet another visit at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital this week. Fortunately we had some good news. The official diagnosis is idiopathic thrombocytopenia (ITP). Everything else has been ruled out. Her platelet count is still low, but not low enough that the doctor feels the need to treat it. So despite feeling quite fatigued, Kate is doing well. The bruises are going away.

Don't Need a Helmet, Got a Hard Hard Head...

Patrick's best friend Kaison does not wear a helmet while riding his bike. Patrick knows that he is not supposed to ride his bike without one, but he feels dumb wearing it while Kaison doesn't. Monday afternoon he learned what happens when you go without protection. He and Kaison were involved in a head on collision, which left Patrick with a nice goose egg on his forehead, and scrapes all up and down his arm. So he learned the hard way that his mom and pops aren't just being mean by making him wear the helmet. Sometimes kids just have to learn the hard way that parents are right. Kind of like when my mother told me if I made this ugly face that it would stick. Turns out she was right...

Bean also has learned from her brother's mistake. She found her Wildcats (High School Musical, of course) helmet this week, and hasn't taken it off, even though she doesn't ride a bike. She lounges around the house in it. She insisted on wearing the helmet to school, and Kate allowed it, rather than fighting her. Soon after the bus departed with Bean on it, the school teacher called. She told Kate that she remembered that Lauren had a history of seizures, and wanted to know if the helmet was a precautionary measure due to a recurrence of the seizures. Kate explained why Bean had the helmet, and assured her that there was no risk of anything, except Bean looking like the village idiot.

Call on me

And then there's Whitney. Last Thursday Kate found a message on the phone from Lucas. Lucas is a young man in Whitney's class who was calling to see how she was doing with her math homework. She called him back and had an awkward conversation with him. It was nice to see that she's growing up. But do not, under any circumstances, insinuate that he is her boyfriend. Otherwise she will punch you. It seems that to her boys still have cooties, which is fine with me.

Gettin' Jiggy With It

Samantha participated in a dance competition last Saturday. She did very well.

And finally, there is me. Last week during a Jazz playoff game I saw a commercial for the NBA in which my cousin Jeff sat next to Carlos Boozer, while Booz read books to elementary kids. Jeff did a good job of pretending that he didn't notice the camera was on him. It wasn't as cool as when the news showed up at the school during a snowstorm, and Jeff was seen 'accidentally' wandering into the camera shots repeatedly. But cool nonetheless.

Last Thursday I gained national prominence when I sent an e-mail to the Jim Rome show, which was read on the air. Before you listen to the clip, let me set it up for those who don't listen to the show. Every day Rome reads dozens of e-mails and texts from listeners. At the end of the show he reads the 'Triple U'. It is uninspired, unfunny and unreadable. If the material is bad enough, the sender will get blocked from sending future messages. (No, my e-mail was not the Triple U). Before he reads the Triple U, Rome announces the 'sponsor', which is usually something annoying, irritating, or that people just hate. People send Triple U sponsors to the show, and that day Rome picked mine. He had a little fun with it, and I got my 1 minute of fame. I'll take what I can get.

The Old Man and the C

Last Sunday we hosted a party to celebrate a couple of birthdays. Though it was my birthday, the real reason for the party was Stretch's 60th. I made this video to celebrate him, as well as embarrass him. I accompished both. For those who were unable to attend the party, enjoy.

I'm hoping to look that good when I am 60. Though I know it won't happen.

Pat had a good time...

Mac had a good time...

Kate had a...do you see a recurring theme here? Must be a Wharton thing...

Based on baby Gwen's stare, I'd say she was hungry...

This is Buddy before he decided to punch my coffee table with his face...

Pat was in a better mood after Ard and Jan arrived. Who wouldn't be?

Hooray for School!

Last Friday I attended a short ceremony at the elementary school, wherein Whitney was presented with the 'Power' award. She's working hard in school and doing a great job.

Bean also has been enjoying her pre-school. She came home last week with the lion and lamb she made. A woman in my Dad's ward works at the school and knows Lauren. She told my Dad that Bean talks about her sister Whitney and her brother Patrick. The woman was surprised to find out that Bean has another sister, Samantha. That speaks volumes about how the two of them feel about each other.

Eggheads

Tonight we performed our annual ritual of hard boiling and dyeing 60 eggs that we have no intention of eating. Not that I don’t like hard boiled eggs. It’s just that you can only eat them so many different ways before they get really old. Anyway, the kids had a great time coloring the eggs, and we managed to get through it without a single spilled dye. And as a bonus, we won’t have to go to church on Easter Sunday with someone’s whole hand colored green.

I asked Kate to demonstrate a trick she learned from 'Cool Hand Luke', but she politely declined...

A Real Pain in the Rear

Warning: Some of the following images are graphic and are not meant for children and the squeamish.

By now most everyone knows that Kate has had some strange happenings going on with her body. Several people have said it to me, so let me just put one thing to bed: It has nothing to do with all of the weight she’s lost.

We have started playing a game called ‘count the bruises’. My personal record is 33. Some of the contusions are minor, while others are pretty nasty. Some can be explained, like the one on her forearm that she smacked against the dresser. Others cannot, like the one on her ring finger. We are not sure what is causing the easy bruising, but I can say that the jokes about me beating my wife are starting to get stale.



We spent the day at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital running the gamut of tests. Her platelets are still low, and have gone down since the last tests. The hematologist is pretty sure that she has ITP, or Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura. But he is concerned about the excessive bruising and her swollen lymph nodes. So there will be more tests to come.

The highlight of the day was the bone marrow biopsy. The NP who performed the biopsy insulted me by telling me that I could stay and watch, but that I had to stay seated with my head near my knees, ‘just in case.’ I explained to her that I had practically delivered two of my children and didn’t get squeamish. She wasn’t impressed.

The NP told Kate to find a happy place, because it might hurt a bit. Apparently Kate’s happy place is in a comedy club, because she cracked dirty jokes all the way through it. We wondered if the topical lidocaine had gone to her brain.

To get the marrow, the NP had to go through the flat on the top of the rear pelvic bone. She had to force the needle into the bone, which prompted Kate’s joke about her ‘hard bone’, and her request that I not get one too. Ba-doom-boom! I don’t know what gauge needle she used to take the sample, but I have seen garden hoses that were smaller than that needle. It was huge. The marrow looks like Dr. Pepper. Though if it came from Kate, Diet Coke would be more appropriate. She also took a cross section of the bone. It was fascinating to watch.




We appreciate all those who have been concerned and keeping her in their prayers through all of this. IT has been strange and stressful. The support helps. It also helps that Kate’s glass is always half full. And if you haven’t noticed, Kate and deal with situations through humor. Everything will work out as it always does. And we’ll keep you posted.

Monsters and Monsters

Saturday night Kate got called off. The kids had been in the house all day and were restless. I had been doing homework all day, and my plan for the evening was to sit around and watch the Jazz/Suns game. When Kate suggested that we take the kids to see Monsters Versus Aliens, I thought it was a great idea. We rarely have a night out with the whole family. Plus, the Jazz were going to crush the Suns anyway, after getting embarrassed down in Phoenix, right?

The way I judge the quality of a kiddie show is how well it keeps the adults entertained. This show did a great job. The kids didn’t get the references to Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Dr. Strangelove, but they made me laugh.

With 20 minutes left in the show Samantha announced that she had to go potty. I took her out, and waited in the lobby while she attended to her business. I could see in the main lobby a group of people standing together and looking up. They were all cheering and groaning at the same time, so I figured the Jazz game must be getting interesting. When Samantha came out we ran over to see what the commotion was all about. The Jazz were down by 2 with 23.5 seconds left and had the ball. I looked at Samantha, then back at the screen. It was a time out. I looked back at her, then again at the screen. I couldn’t make her miss the end of the show so I could see the end of the game, so we went back in to finish the movie.

After the show we came out to find the crowd still standing around. So I was able to see the last 43 seconds of the Jazz’ overtime victory.

After the movie Samantha and Whitney had to go to the bathroom again, so we pulled up a bench while waiting. Soon Bean declared that she had to go too. I took her to the restroom door, opened it, and shooed her in with instructions to find Whitney. I waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually I heard a soft whimpering behind the door. I pushed it open to find Bean crying, her little Levis soaked.

“I peed!” She cried.

“Where’s Whitney?” I asked.

“I don’t knooooooooow!”

As it turns out, Jordan Commons has 50 restrooms. Samantha and Whitney had picked a different one. But overall everyone had a great time and I have been told that we had better buy that movie the second it comes out on DVD. I am happy to comply. It will be a lot cheaper than taking them to see it in the theater again.

Clockwise from top: Whitney, Patrick, Lauren, Samantha, Papa...

Toothless People

Those who have children know that when a child discovers his or her first loose tooth, it is a major milestone. You also know that you are not allowed to touch the tooth. Samantha got her first loose tooth a few weeks ago. The tooth was barely attached, but still she wouldn’t let us yank it. One night I was at the mall with all the kids and had to take Bean into the potty. Whit was in charge of the kids while Bean and I were taking care of business. Whit explained to Samantha that the best way to get the tooth out was a karate chop to the face. While demonstrating the move, Whit actually hit Samanth in the face on accident. I came out of the restroom to find Samantha’s face smeared with blood and a smile as she proudly showed me the tooth.

This past week Samantha got her second loose tooth. Again she protected it, not letting anyone even look closely at it. Monday afternoon she was at dance class, and the teacher was showing the girls a new move when the turned and accidentally back-handed my kid. Kate arrived to pick up Samantha to find her holding her latest prize. So she’s lost two teeth, and both times they have been knocked out by other people.

Patrick also lost a tooth today. Samantha was stunned that he just pulled it out without help…

Buncha Savages in This Town

My little Toyota Yaris is not a high class automobile. It was purchased because I needed a commuter car, and it gets nearly 40 mpg. But even though it is not a stylish car we have taken care of it and worked to keep it nice. So I was dismayed when I walked out to the parking lot on Thursday to find that someone had stolen the two driver’s side hubcaps. Honestly, who steals hub caps anymore? I know that they were ripped and not just lost during driving because I went to the car during lunch to get some things, and the car was whole at that time.

‘Ghetto’ is the term Kate used to describe how the car looks now, and I have to agree. I know it is simple vanity to want to get them replaced, but it will have to be done. I called the dealer to see how much it would run me, to find that they are nearly $80 a piece! I may just have to scope out the parking lot to see who else has caps that match mine, park next to them and steal a couple of theirs. They’re probably mine anyway. Then I’ll find a new parking lot…

A Raw (Sewage) Deal

Last night was pretty crappy. Literally. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. There is a 3 hour gap on Thursdays between when Kate has to leave for work and when I get home. Our usual Thursday babysitter was unavailable, so I took a half day off from work. My plan was maybe to get a run in before dinner and take it easy. My last midterm was Wednesday, and I have ten days of Spring Break, so I have no homework.

While sitting in a training session I got a text from Kate: We have a situation. My first assumption was that one of the kids had broken something or needed stitches. I called her and found out that she had started a load of laundry before leaving for yoga, and returned home to find that the wash room and the basement bathtub had been flooded with raw sewage.

My first thought was to call Roto-Rooter, because poop is something I didn’t want any part of. But I was asked to be cost conscious, so went down and rented a 100 foot sewage snake. I opened the floor drain in the laundry room, but couldn’t get the snake bit to make the sharp turn down the drain. Nor could I get it down the washout behind the washer.

Mike came over to help and suggested that we take the toilet off and go that route. This was a good idea. After a couple of passes with the cable we stumbled across a whole roll of toilet paper that had been flushed, but hadn’t quite made it to the street. No one has fessed up to it, but I have my suspicions. I won’t name and names but her name starts with Lauren.

I learned a lot about sewage snakes. Because the motor is twisting to increase tension on the cable, if you pull too much out of the cage, it will bind up and crush your fingers. Also, if it binds, a loop can form, which, when is smacks you on the wrist, it hurts. Bad. I also discovered that as you feed the cable out, the cage turns to feed out. The cage also turns when you are feeding the cable back in. Since the cable has been down in the pipes, it is covered with all of the goodness that is found down there. So when it is winding back in the cage, it sprays all of that joy all over creation. It is a messy, stinky, nasty affair.

I had called my dad a couple of times with questions, so he decided to drop by and offer assistance. I think he was relieved that we were about done by the time he got there. Mike and I looked like the Keystone Cops working that machine. Sorry, Mike. The truth hurts. You, me, Drew, we’re all in the same boat. Usually Patrick likes to have his hands in whatever home improvement project is currently being worked on. Her came down, asked a few questions, gagged, and we didn’t see him again.

Those who frequent my blog will recall a post I made a few weeks ago wherein I spoke of the need to have the house clean before Kate gets home from work. Never was that more the case than last nights. When you have little kids, and you neglect them in favor of a project like this, they find ways to amuse themselves, and those ways are always messy. Especially when Whitney makes dinner. So once we had the drain clear, I had to put the toilet back in place, bleach and Pine Sol every square inch of the bathroom, clean the laundry room floor, and then clean the rest of the house, which looked as though a bomb had exploded. Eventually order was restored and all is right with the world.

Usually when I make blog posts without pictures I am chastised. I don’t think anyone will mind this time though.

Keeping it Clean

Whitney and Patrick came home from school today with posters they made. The school has been running the annual anti-drug program. Both of them did a great job.

Whitney covered all of the vices.

Patrick campaigned against cigarettes...

...Beer...

...and...uh...something else...

Tickets to the Gun Show

Last night I was chastised by my evil mother-in-law and told that I need to ‘get on the stick’ and update my blog. I never realized that I was off the stick, or even where the stick is. But I am back on the stick, and updating the blog.

The reason I haven’t posted a lot lately is that there has been relatively little to report. Life in suburbia has been relatively quiet. No one has been sick or injured, and no major events have come to pass. Other than Bean and Samantha being constantly at each others’ throats all the time, no one has been in any trouble. Well, that’s not entirely true.

Shortly after the start of the year Kate started working full time. This means that I am in school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, and then she works Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. To make the transition easier, and to be able to spend some time with her, I started visiting her when she works. The ritual is that I stop at the 7-11 to pick up some nachos, a doughnut and a piña colada Slurpee, which we share while we visit. No big deal, right? Well apparently the ‘health food’ from 7-11 doesn’t fit into the tight nutrition regimen that Kate’s trainer has her on. I probably wouldn’t be concerned with what the trainer thinks. However, Kate showed me some pictures of the trainer, and she’s buff. I wouldn’t mess with her. So from now on when I run to St. Mark’s for a rendezvous, I will bring soy nuts, celery and craisins to be washed down with whey protein shakes. I will have to choke them down, but that’s okay. It’s all about the company for me. And I don’t want to get beat up by a woman.

My intent was to post some pictures of Kate, because she is developing great muscle tone and looking amazing. But she won’t let me take any pictures. She has been killing it at the gym, and is in great shape. She is considering running the half marathon next month instead of the whole marathon, and I think I might do the same. That way she will only beat me by half an hour, instead of a whole hour. We’ll see.

Don't get the wrong idea. I will stop her well before she gets to looking like this!!!

Bless this mess

I try really hard to always have the house clean when Kate gets home from work. She has never given me grief when I have failed to do so, but I know that she sleeps better when the house is tidy, and after a 12 hour graveyard shift I want her to be able to relax and not worry about it. She works hard during the week, tending to the kids’ every need, so I want to make sure that on weekends that when she’s not working, she is resting. It goes better some days than others. Some days I feel Tom Cruise in Risky Business (no, I don’t dance to Bob Seger in my underpants). At the end of the film he races around getting the house put back together before his parents get home, just finishing immediately before they pull up.

Since my kids are normal, they are also messy. Whitney and Patrick are getting old enough that they are pretty good about cleaning up after themselves, though they still need to be prodded. But even when the kids do clean their rooms, they don’t get things quite right at times, and I have to come behind them to redo it and make sure things are up to snuff.

Tonight as I cleaned gum off of the balusters I wondered why I care so much. I think part of it was drilled into me as a kid. Once my mother vacuumed the front room we weren’t able to use the front door, because our footprints would disturb the vacuum pattern in the carpet. Another reason is that I worry that on the off chance that someone would drop in to see us they might see that my house dirty. How embarrassing it would be if people found out that humans live here…

I really need to worry less about whether or not there are crayon marks on the walls, and more about spending some time reading to the kids. I am reminded of an axiom that to this day hangs on the laundry room wall of my father’s house. It reads thus:

Although you’ll find our house a mess,
Come in, sit down, converse.
It doesn’t always look like this.
Some days it’s even worse.

Straighten up and Chomp Right

Yesterday was a momentous day. After two long years I parted ways with my braces. My teeth feel like they are huge. I have been looking forward to all of the things that I haven't been able to eat while I had my braces. Corn on the cob, peaches, pears, baby back ribs, chewing gum. I came home from work today to find that Kate had made a bowl of the best carmel corn I have ever tasted. That woman is so good to me...

Unfortunately the orthodontist couldn't do anything about the rest of my face, but I will take what I can get...

Sports Exploits

Today I attended the last regular season game of Patrick's rookie year. The team went winless, so there will be no post season for them. However, since none of the teams will participate in an post season I don't feel too bad about it.

I have also been intending to post this picture of Samantha and her amazing soccer coach for quite some time.

And not to be outdone by the kiddies, here is a picture I found of me back in the day when I actually played a little soccer myself.