It 'Figures'

Looking around the auditorium of Cottonwood High School Saturday night I felt small. The average bicep diameter in the room was greater than that of the Levis I was wearing. And that was just the women. I also noted that the Affliction shirts outnumbered purple polo shirts (such as the one I was wearing) by about 3,000 to 1. I had a moment of panic when I realized that Bean had disappeared. I soon learned that she was back stage with Kate, where she would remain throughout the show.

The judging had been done earlier that morning, and the evening show was just to let the crowd get a look at the competitors, and to hand out the trophies. It was Kate’s second show, and I knew that she had taken what she learned from last year, and used it to her advantage this year. I knew that she would place well, yet I found my hands shaking and heart pounding when she came out on stage as I tried to get some good pictures.

The competition was the culmination of many months of grueling training and preparation. Many nights Kate would leave the kitchen after making a delicious dinner that wasn’t on her meal plan. She didn’t force us to adjust our eating to match hers, and would cook great food for us while she ate her lean ground beef, plain sweet potatoes, cottage cheese and pineapple chunks. She showed incredible will power when she bought dozens of boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and stashed them in the freezer without eating a single one.

If a strong commitment to diet wasn’t hard enough, there was the two-a-day workouts. After the kids would leave for school, she would go to the gym for a morning weight session. Then after dinner she would return for her cardio. She has a very strained relationship with Mr. Stairmaster. After her final workout she kicked him. Hard. Anyone who would deign to question how hard she worked needs to consider this: after she developed a pain in her lower leg, on Ortho doc chastised her for putting up more than 500 pounds on the leg press. She was advised to ice it, keep it elevated and let up. She never missed a workout.

The payoff for the hard work came Saturday night when she was brought out on stage not once, but twice to accept her trophies. And if the awards weren’t great enough, we went to dinner at Salt City Burger afterward, where she was able to pound a greasy burger and onion rings without an ounce of guilt. Sometimes I will make jokes with friends and co-workers about how Kate now has to do all of the heavy lifting, or how nice it is to walk down a dark alleyway with her and not fear getting mugged. But in all seriousness, I am very proud of her, and use her as inspiration. When I am out on my long runs and I get tired, thinking that I can’t do it, I remember how hard she worked, and I find motivation.

As for Bean, she sat by herself during the competition back stage on her Buzz Lightyear blanket, playing with her Babe Ruth doll (see last post). The competitors are given fruit snacks as a way to get sugar to the muscles. Bean quickly discovered the snacks, and helped herself. Kate had to wear her number on her ‘kini’ (as Bean calls it). When Kate would come to check on her, Lauren would say ‘How’s it going, fifty-three?’ After the show, Bean looked at the trophies, which are shaped like a woman in a kini. Looking at the backside Bean giggled and said, ‘Look at her glutes!’

That’s not root beer! After the show Kate decided to soak in a nice hot bath. Until the spray tan turned the water shit-brittle-brown.