'Sue' Me

Recently Kate and I began watching 'Glee'. I can understand why you would laugh at me for watching. It is a lot different from the TV shows I usually watch (Ice Road Truckers, Breaking Bad). But I find the show quite amusing. My favorite character is Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch). The show may not be about her per se, but she always manages to steal every scene. She delivers some of the best lines, such as (when yelling at her cheerleading squad) "You think this is hard? I'm passing a gallstone as I speak! That's hard!"



I think Sue is Kate's favorite character too, as evidenced by the outfits she bought Samantha and Bean today. Yes, the first thing that went through my head when I saw the track suits was an image of Sue, in her track suit, walking on a treadmill while addressing Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison):

Sue: Want an iron tablet? They keep your strength up when you're menstruating.

Will: I don't menstruate.

Sue: Neither do I.



Of course, I hope that Bean and Samantha don't idolize Sue too much. After all, I don't want Bean telling Samantha "Don't mess with me. I will kick you right in the taco."

'And This One Time, at Girl's Camp...'

When Whitney was just a toddler, Kate was called to help with girl’s camp. This was a challenge, as Kate is someone who does not camp. Kate’s job was to coordinate the meals for the week. So I tagged along for the camp trip. I was expecting an experience similar to what I knew of scout camp. I was wrong. Ten years later I returned to girl’s camp. This year was Whitney’s first year, and I decided to go along, because I was concerned about how she would get along. As a Priesthood holder, my only duty was to be there in case of emergency. Our good friend Francie joked that I would be bored out of my mind while there. There wasn’t a whole lot to do, so I made a list of things that I learned about girl’s camp:
- A song can break out at any moment.
- At scout camp, the discovery of a dead animal is a call to poke it with a stick. At girl’s camp it is a call for a proper burial.
- Girls may look sweet and innocent, but they can be really mean to each other.
- Each camp table was equipped with a bottle of hand sanitizer. All of them were completely used up by the end of the second day.
- During arts and crafts time I am as useless as tits on a boar.
- The bishop doesn’t appreciate the term ‘tits on a boar’.
- The girls do a hell of a lot of arts and crafts.
- I was told to bring something along to pass the time. Then I got in trouble for watching Goodfellas on my iPod.
- Not only is there running water at girl’s camp, the bathroom is stocked with hand sanitizer, lotion and a basket filled with neatly folded paper towels. Every time I went to pee I wondered if I should leave a tip.
- Unlike scout camp, I cannot pee where I please.
- When your daughter makes you a pink tie-dyed t-shirt for camp, you can’t use the word ‘gay’, even if you’re joking.
- The girls actually pack all garbage out to a dumpster. Seriously? Do they not know that everything burns?
- At scout camp, a fly in the food signifies a little extra protein in the meal. At girl’s camp, it means you scrap the whole meal and go to the backup meal.

All joking aside, it was a good time. The reason I was concerned about Whitney was because of her fear of the outdoors. When she was little, Kate and I took her camping down at Timpanogos. A heavy thunder storm rolled in the last night, and scared the crap out of her. After that, for about a year, each time she went outside, she would stop and use her fingers to scrape the bottoms of her shoes before crossing the threshold. She would then walk with one hand over her head and the other across her belly until she was back inside again. Even now she rarely goes outside, and even jumps up to slam the door if anyone leaves it open. It is as if she fears the outside coming inside.

I only stayed the day on Thursday. I arrived early to oversee the hike (which is more of a nature walk than a hike). After watching how well Whitney was doing I decided that it was best for me to leave her with her friends and leaders and fly on her own. She was very excited for the archery and zip line they were to do this morning. I am sure that she will be filthy dirty and happy as a clam when she gets home tomorrow.

I was told that the night before I arrived the girls had banana boats for dessert. She told all of the girls that they needed to thank me, as it was my recipe. Of course, I took the credit. I already know that I am probably going to have to go for the duration next year. Whitney told the camp director that I am a great dutch oven cook, and that I would be happy to make all of the desserts for camp next year. And she was right.

Hey baby, can you bleed like me?

One night when I was 18 years old I found myself sitting around watching TV (as 18 year olds tend to do) when my Dad walked in and told me that he was going to a stake blood drive. He asked if I wanted to go. I didn't, but went anyway. That was 16 years ago. Today I went down to donate a pint and found out that it was my 50th. That only averages out to about 3 pints a year (you can donate up to six pints of whole blood in a year) and I am about 100 pints behind my Dad, but I think it's not too bad. Especially considering there was a year that I didn't make a single whole blood donation because I was donating (selling) my plasma (starving students will do just about anything to survive). I just hope that if I am ever in a major trauma, the medical staff look at the marks in my elbows and know how much I have given, and decide to give back...

Pull up a Chair and Sit on the Floor...

While I was in school the list of things that I decided to do after graduation got quite long. Now that I am really done I have had the time to do some of them. With camping season upon us, I decided that I was going to make some camp chairs for all of the kids. We made a chair for Whitney a few years ago, so I used hers as the template for the rest.

The design of the chairs is one that I was introduced to when I was a scout and my Dad made chairs for everyone in the troop. We decorated our chairs (mine, of course had the old Jazz logo) and they became the pride of the troop.

When I made these chairs for my kids, I had some fun with them, as you can see. Patrick's, of course, has a block 'U' at the top, which was a little tricky. The thickness of the wood posed a major challenge for my little jigsaw. Samantha wanted flowers on hers, so I used a 1/4" drill bit for the center and the petals, again using the kigsaw to point the petals toward the center. Bean wanted a Spongebob chair, which was beyond my capabilities, so I just let her paint the sponge onto the wood.

Before the girls painted their chairs I gave each a coat of polyurethane. When I did this I discovered a beautiful rich wood grain in Bean's chair. I thought it was a shame to cover it up with paint, and thought about talking her out of a paint job. But in the end, it's her chair, and whatever she thinks looks the best will be perfect. And it turned out well.

As good as the camp chairs look, I think this looks better...

P.S. I am posting this picture of Yankee, who patrols the neighborhood from her perch, right underneath her flag...