Black (and Blue) Friday

Wednesday, 7:00 PM: Kate makes a reconnaissance mission to the local Target store to determine the location of the ‘door buster’ items.

Thursday (Thanksgiving) 4:00 PM: Kate breaks out her copy of the Target ads to show the family. All last minute requests are made, with the expectation that Kate will get add 10% to the cost of each item, as ‘hazard pay’.

11:55 PM: Kate leaves home to stake her claim in line.

Friday, 1:30 AM: Kate, who has been resting in her car, notices that a group of heavyweights has taken her place in the front of the line. She stares the ladies down as she unrolls her sleeping bag behind them.

3:45 AM: Store management makes a barricade from shopping carts and announces that line jumpers will be harshly punished. Kate calls Chris to come down and jump the line before too many others do.





4:05 AM: Chris arrives, walking past hundreds of angry patrons to take his spot at the front of the line. He brings a hot beverage as a cover, claiming that he only came to warm his wife up.


4:10 AM: Kate complains of how cold her bum is. Chris offers to rub it to warm it up. She declines.

4:40 AM: ‘Vultures’ arrive, standing in the parking lot, waiting for the line to start moving so they can surreptitiously slip in with the rest of the crowd. They pretend to be disinterested, sipping coffee and quietly chatting.





4:45 AM: Store manager makes the announcement that line jumpers will be denied service and escorted from the premises. The vultures, undaunted, sip their coffee and stare with their beady little eyes.

4:50 AM: Chris and Kate review the ‘game plan’ one more time, putting their ‘game faces’ on.

5:00 AM: The doors open. As they enter the store, Chris hears a line jumper behind him yelling, 'Don't tase me, bro!' Chris veers to the left to pursue video games. Kate makes a dash for the toy section. An astute store clerk sees Kate coming and pushes a cart into the aisle. Kate grabs it mid stride and bolts for the back of the store.

5:05 AM: Chris takes his video game stash and makes for the toy section. He finds Kate holding a blue haired septuagenarian in a ‘full nelson’ because the elder tried to steal an item from Kate’s overflowing cart of toys.

5:06 AM: As they try to push against the crowd toward the front of the store, Kate is distracted by some fleece blankets. Chris uses his body to cover the cart, to prevent another attempted pilfering.

5:08 AM: Kate and Chris pass a Target employee who is cowering under a clothing rack in the fetal position, looking for ‘a happy place’.

5:09 AM: Fight breaks out over who has claim to the last sale copy of ‘Friends’ season one on DVD. Kate and Chris contemplate stopping to watch the bloodshed, but decide against it.

5:12 AM: The Shirleys pay for their items, rejoicing both at the fact that they did not have to wait in line to pay, and about the fact that they ‘saved’ so much money on Christmas presents.

5:17 AM: The booty is loaded into the van, and the Shirleys leave the Target parking lot as customers continue pouring into the store.


6:00 AM: After stashing the goods in a secret location, the Shirleys arrive at home. Chris again offers to help Kate warm up. She again declines, and they go to bed.

Thankful it's Over

Thanksgiving was a little different this year. Monday night Bean started acting strange, whiny and lethargic. Tuesday morning we kept her home from school because she was really sick. A trip to the doctor's office revealed that she probably had the H1N1 flu. They wanted Kate to go to Primary's to test for sure. Knowing that Bean wouldn't comply, Kate asked if treatment would be different if Bean had the swine flu. The answer was no, so Kate skipped the extra headache. Wednesday, Patrick came down with it. Needless to say, taking our kids around their nieces and nephews for Thanksgiving dinner was not an option. So Kate took Samantha and Whitney to Pat's for dinner while I stayed home with the sickly ones. Whitney didn't want to stay at grandma's very long, so she came home, and I was able to sneak over for some reheated turkey, stuffing, spuds, etc.

This is how Patrick spent most of the week.

Since Thanksgiving wasn't a lot of fun for the kids, Kate decided that a gingerbread house would make things better. She was right. They had a great time making it. Usually the kids want to eat all the candy instead of adding it to the house. Since everyone was so sick this year, it wasn't an issue...

A Fine Day at the Stadium

This past weekend I took Patrick to a football game. It was the only Ute game we made it to this year. My co-worker gave me her tickets to the game against San Diego State. It wasn't much of a game, as the Utes rolled over the Aztecs in a tune up for this week's confrontation with the BYU Boogars. But it was a lot of fun to take some time off from studying and take my boy to a game.

Patrick demonstrated that he is a true Shirley. Before the game I bought him a hot dog, some chips and a Coke. In the first half the guy sitting next to us pulled out a bag of cookies, which were each the size of a dinner plate. He gave one to P-Man, instructing him to share it with his dad. He said no way, that he would eat it all himself. I told him that I would give him five bucks if he ate the whole thing. And he did. In the second half the kettle corn guy came down the aisle peddling his bags. "That kettle corn is five bucks." Patrick noted. "Yes it is." I replied. "Can I have the five bucks you owe me?" he asked. I gave him a fiver, and he purchased his kettle corn. I have no idea where he put all that food.

Utah freshman quarterback Jordan Wynn is now sporting a mustache. So before the game a woman sitting on the front row just ahead of us handed out fake mustaches to everyone around. I didn't put one on, as I am wearing my winter beard and it wouldn't stick. But I thought Patrick looked pretty good in his.

Happy Valentine's Day

We have a lot of November birthdays in our family. I attribute it to Valentine's Day being in February. Whitney recently celebrated her 12th pass around the sun. She has now graduated from the Primary, and is a Beehive. A week later Samantha had her 6th birthday.

Whitney invited some friends from school over for a game and movie night.

Patrick and Bean did a great job of calling the numbers for BINGO.

The game of musical chairs got a little rough, but we were able to restore order before the authorities were called.

Because the party goers were mostly female, a spontaneous rendition of 'YMCA' was inevitable.

Being the only boy invited to the party, Lucas felt that he had to come through and be the one to break open the pinata.

When Mayra broke through he shrugged his shoulders and said 'Well, of course. I softened it up for her.'

Watching the kids build their ice cream sundaes was almost enough to turn your stomach. Do you really need to make a 'suicide' and include all flavors of ice cream and all toppings?

Sunday we had a family party for both girls. As usual Kate provided an amazing spread for everyone. And yes, she did make the cupcakes, and there is one lit candle on each.

I told Whitney there is no shame in not being able to blow out all of the candles at once. After all, there were 40 of them...

Trick or Treat! Smell my Feet!

Sponge-Bean Square Pants. She was mad that her brother didn't dress up like Patrick Star.

Notice that the Wolverine doesn't have his claws. Stupid school policies. "No weapons or facsimilies"...

I referred to Whitney's costume as a 'dead bride'. She yelled at me and told me that she was "So-and-so, Queen of the Darkness". You can see how I get the two mixed up.

A Princess. A good fit for her...

We carved 'hunkins' at Pat's house this year, which meant that I actually had to cut the faces with a knife. I couldn't justify the mess of my drill at someone else's house.

Be careful with that knife, Patrick...

Bean was kind of freaked out all night, especially when that terrifying monster came up from out of the pumpkin behind her...