Monsters and Monsters

Saturday night Kate got called off. The kids had been in the house all day and were restless. I had been doing homework all day, and my plan for the evening was to sit around and watch the Jazz/Suns game. When Kate suggested that we take the kids to see Monsters Versus Aliens, I thought it was a great idea. We rarely have a night out with the whole family. Plus, the Jazz were going to crush the Suns anyway, after getting embarrassed down in Phoenix, right?

The way I judge the quality of a kiddie show is how well it keeps the adults entertained. This show did a great job. The kids didn’t get the references to Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Dr. Strangelove, but they made me laugh.

With 20 minutes left in the show Samantha announced that she had to go potty. I took her out, and waited in the lobby while she attended to her business. I could see in the main lobby a group of people standing together and looking up. They were all cheering and groaning at the same time, so I figured the Jazz game must be getting interesting. When Samantha came out we ran over to see what the commotion was all about. The Jazz were down by 2 with 23.5 seconds left and had the ball. I looked at Samantha, then back at the screen. It was a time out. I looked back at her, then again at the screen. I couldn’t make her miss the end of the show so I could see the end of the game, so we went back in to finish the movie.

After the show we came out to find the crowd still standing around. So I was able to see the last 43 seconds of the Jazz’ overtime victory.

After the movie Samantha and Whitney had to go to the bathroom again, so we pulled up a bench while waiting. Soon Bean declared that she had to go too. I took her to the restroom door, opened it, and shooed her in with instructions to find Whitney. I waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually I heard a soft whimpering behind the door. I pushed it open to find Bean crying, her little Levis soaked.

“I peed!” She cried.

“Where’s Whitney?” I asked.

“I don’t knooooooooow!”

As it turns out, Jordan Commons has 50 restrooms. Samantha and Whitney had picked a different one. But overall everyone had a great time and I have been told that we had better buy that movie the second it comes out on DVD. I am happy to comply. It will be a lot cheaper than taking them to see it in the theater again.

Clockwise from top: Whitney, Patrick, Lauren, Samantha, Papa...

Toothless People

Those who have children know that when a child discovers his or her first loose tooth, it is a major milestone. You also know that you are not allowed to touch the tooth. Samantha got her first loose tooth a few weeks ago. The tooth was barely attached, but still she wouldn’t let us yank it. One night I was at the mall with all the kids and had to take Bean into the potty. Whit was in charge of the kids while Bean and I were taking care of business. Whit explained to Samantha that the best way to get the tooth out was a karate chop to the face. While demonstrating the move, Whit actually hit Samanth in the face on accident. I came out of the restroom to find Samantha’s face smeared with blood and a smile as she proudly showed me the tooth.

This past week Samantha got her second loose tooth. Again she protected it, not letting anyone even look closely at it. Monday afternoon she was at dance class, and the teacher was showing the girls a new move when the turned and accidentally back-handed my kid. Kate arrived to pick up Samantha to find her holding her latest prize. So she’s lost two teeth, and both times they have been knocked out by other people.

Patrick also lost a tooth today. Samantha was stunned that he just pulled it out without help…

Buncha Savages in This Town

My little Toyota Yaris is not a high class automobile. It was purchased because I needed a commuter car, and it gets nearly 40 mpg. But even though it is not a stylish car we have taken care of it and worked to keep it nice. So I was dismayed when I walked out to the parking lot on Thursday to find that someone had stolen the two driver’s side hubcaps. Honestly, who steals hub caps anymore? I know that they were ripped and not just lost during driving because I went to the car during lunch to get some things, and the car was whole at that time.

‘Ghetto’ is the term Kate used to describe how the car looks now, and I have to agree. I know it is simple vanity to want to get them replaced, but it will have to be done. I called the dealer to see how much it would run me, to find that they are nearly $80 a piece! I may just have to scope out the parking lot to see who else has caps that match mine, park next to them and steal a couple of theirs. They’re probably mine anyway. Then I’ll find a new parking lot…

A Raw (Sewage) Deal

Last night was pretty crappy. Literally. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. There is a 3 hour gap on Thursdays between when Kate has to leave for work and when I get home. Our usual Thursday babysitter was unavailable, so I took a half day off from work. My plan was maybe to get a run in before dinner and take it easy. My last midterm was Wednesday, and I have ten days of Spring Break, so I have no homework.

While sitting in a training session I got a text from Kate: We have a situation. My first assumption was that one of the kids had broken something or needed stitches. I called her and found out that she had started a load of laundry before leaving for yoga, and returned home to find that the wash room and the basement bathtub had been flooded with raw sewage.

My first thought was to call Roto-Rooter, because poop is something I didn’t want any part of. But I was asked to be cost conscious, so went down and rented a 100 foot sewage snake. I opened the floor drain in the laundry room, but couldn’t get the snake bit to make the sharp turn down the drain. Nor could I get it down the washout behind the washer.

Mike came over to help and suggested that we take the toilet off and go that route. This was a good idea. After a couple of passes with the cable we stumbled across a whole roll of toilet paper that had been flushed, but hadn’t quite made it to the street. No one has fessed up to it, but I have my suspicions. I won’t name and names but her name starts with Lauren.

I learned a lot about sewage snakes. Because the motor is twisting to increase tension on the cable, if you pull too much out of the cage, it will bind up and crush your fingers. Also, if it binds, a loop can form, which, when is smacks you on the wrist, it hurts. Bad. I also discovered that as you feed the cable out, the cage turns to feed out. The cage also turns when you are feeding the cable back in. Since the cable has been down in the pipes, it is covered with all of the goodness that is found down there. So when it is winding back in the cage, it sprays all of that joy all over creation. It is a messy, stinky, nasty affair.

I had called my dad a couple of times with questions, so he decided to drop by and offer assistance. I think he was relieved that we were about done by the time he got there. Mike and I looked like the Keystone Cops working that machine. Sorry, Mike. The truth hurts. You, me, Drew, we’re all in the same boat. Usually Patrick likes to have his hands in whatever home improvement project is currently being worked on. Her came down, asked a few questions, gagged, and we didn’t see him again.

Those who frequent my blog will recall a post I made a few weeks ago wherein I spoke of the need to have the house clean before Kate gets home from work. Never was that more the case than last nights. When you have little kids, and you neglect them in favor of a project like this, they find ways to amuse themselves, and those ways are always messy. Especially when Whitney makes dinner. So once we had the drain clear, I had to put the toilet back in place, bleach and Pine Sol every square inch of the bathroom, clean the laundry room floor, and then clean the rest of the house, which looked as though a bomb had exploded. Eventually order was restored and all is right with the world.

Usually when I make blog posts without pictures I am chastised. I don’t think anyone will mind this time though.

Keeping it Clean

Whitney and Patrick came home from school today with posters they made. The school has been running the annual anti-drug program. Both of them did a great job.

Whitney covered all of the vices.

Patrick campaigned against cigarettes...

...Beer...

...and...uh...something else...

Tickets to the Gun Show

Last night I was chastised by my evil mother-in-law and told that I need to ‘get on the stick’ and update my blog. I never realized that I was off the stick, or even where the stick is. But I am back on the stick, and updating the blog.

The reason I haven’t posted a lot lately is that there has been relatively little to report. Life in suburbia has been relatively quiet. No one has been sick or injured, and no major events have come to pass. Other than Bean and Samantha being constantly at each others’ throats all the time, no one has been in any trouble. Well, that’s not entirely true.

Shortly after the start of the year Kate started working full time. This means that I am in school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, and then she works Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. To make the transition easier, and to be able to spend some time with her, I started visiting her when she works. The ritual is that I stop at the 7-11 to pick up some nachos, a doughnut and a piña colada Slurpee, which we share while we visit. No big deal, right? Well apparently the ‘health food’ from 7-11 doesn’t fit into the tight nutrition regimen that Kate’s trainer has her on. I probably wouldn’t be concerned with what the trainer thinks. However, Kate showed me some pictures of the trainer, and she’s buff. I wouldn’t mess with her. So from now on when I run to St. Mark’s for a rendezvous, I will bring soy nuts, celery and craisins to be washed down with whey protein shakes. I will have to choke them down, but that’s okay. It’s all about the company for me. And I don’t want to get beat up by a woman.

My intent was to post some pictures of Kate, because she is developing great muscle tone and looking amazing. But she won’t let me take any pictures. She has been killing it at the gym, and is in great shape. She is considering running the half marathon next month instead of the whole marathon, and I think I might do the same. That way she will only beat me by half an hour, instead of a whole hour. We’ll see.

Don't get the wrong idea. I will stop her well before she gets to looking like this!!!