Thievery, larceny, shoplifting!

I’ve been caught stealing;
Once when I was five.
I enjoy stealing.
It’s just as simple as that.
Well, it’s just a simple fact.
When I want something I don’t want to pay for it.
I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey, all right! If I get by, it’s mine!
Mine all mine!

-Been Caught Stealing, Jane’s Addiction

Tonight Mike came over and sat with my girls so that I could take Patrick down to Target. The purpose for our outing wasn’t for school supplies or groceries. Patrick had to go to confess his sins. Kate had taken the kids to Target earlier, and while they were there Patrick saw a yo-yo he wanted. He was told no. Instead of putting the toy back he smuggled it out of the store.
It wasn’t until she got home that Kate realized what he had done. The yo-yo was encased in hard plastic, and had he been able to get it open on his own he might have pulled it off. But Kate busted him. She wasn’t so much upset that he had stolen the item as much as the fact that he was somewhat boastful about it. She didn’t have time to take him back, so I was asked to.
Before we left for the mega-store Whitney informed Patrick that he was going to have to go with the policeman because he stole. She also started to cry and asked me not to take him, yelling “I don’t want the policeman to take him away! I still want a brother!” I assured her that I wasn’t coming home alone, then calmed P, who thought he was about to be read his rights.
When we walked into the store we passed a uniformed security guard, who earned a sidelong glance from Patrick. We approached the customer services desk and asked for a store manager or shift lead. Since it was almost 9PM we got the latter. The twenty-something young lady came bouncing to the front of the store and asked how she could help.
“This is Patrick.” I said. “He has something to tell you.” She bent closer to him, but he just turned into my leg.
“It’s okay.” She said, patting his head.
He turned to face her, then turned his right shoulder toward her, resting his chin on the shoulder. He batted his eyes with his long eyelashes and innocently said, “I’m sorry. I stole this.”
The young lady giggled and rubbed his head, his hair still a little wet from his bath. “You’re so cuuuuute!” She said. “You can still come back in the store anytime.” He handed her the contraband. She looked at it and said, “Maybe Santa Claus will get it for you for Christmas.”
What? I thought. No! There’s supposed to be a lecture in here somewhere. There should be something like, “Thank you for being honest and bringing it back. Stealing is bad and thank you for not doing it again. Nothing! The little shit won her over. He pulled ‘The ladies’ man’ and melted her like snow in July.
It’s not that I wanted her to rough him up, make him cry, threaten him with the security guard. I don’t want him to be afraid to come clean when he’s caught doing something that he shouldn’t. But I did want her to say something to him so that he’d know that it isn’t just his mom and dad being dumb and making him follow the rules.
In the car before we came home I did finish the lecture about how it is wrong to steal and he promised that he’d never steal again. But during the whole episode I kept thinking of Perry Farrell of Jane’s Addiction singing, “Hey all right! If I get by, it’s mine! Mine all mine!” and wondering if that is what P was thinking at the time of his first act of larceny.