When you don't have pockets, improvise...

Next time you think about shaking hands with Kate, think twice. Firday as she was in the bathroom getting cleaned up, Bean came running in, stark naked. Seeing Bean naked is not a big deal, as she frequently sheds her burdensome clothing. As she entered the bathroom she proudly held up Kate's emerald ring. Taking the ring from Lauren, Kate asked "Where's my wedding ring?" She knew that Bean would have swiped both of them, since they had been on the dresser together. Bean answered "He he he! It's in my bum!" She then unclenched her butt cheeks, reached around, and produced the ring. When I heard this story I couldn't help but think of this classic movie moment...

The Graduate

Samantha was presented with her diploma from preschool. I can't believe that she will be in kindergarten next year. The kids are just getting too big to cuddle...

The Big Dog in the Ballpark

We brought home our new dog this week. Her name is Yankee. I'll bet you can't guess who named her. She is a purebred German Shepherd. She was born on Patrick's birthday, May 1st. Even though she is only eight weeks old she already dwarfs Blossom. And Blossom doesn't like the hyper little puppy. But then again, Eddie and Al don't like either dog.

Rain on my Parade

Last night was our ward's annual campout. We had a lot of fun and ate like kings. I was the first to arrive at the campground, and was able to snag the prime tent site. Shortly after dinner and just before the campfire program our friend Megan got a call from her husband, Scott, who was working in Taylorsville. He informed her that a half inch of hail had just dumped on Taylorsville and that the storm was headed our way. Moments later we were soaked by a cloud burst. There were about 80 people in the campsite at the time. All of those who were not planning to stay the night jumped in their cars and went home, leaving the cleanup of dinner to the handful of us who were planning on camping. It was a very neighborly gesture. I threw the Shirley kids in the tent and told them to wait until the storm was over.

The lighning was close and the thunder loud. The kids were getting scared so each time the light flashed I would yell 'Wow! That was awesome!' It seemed to work, because soon they began doing the same. Because I had picked such a great tent site, we were completely dry. We were the only ones. Soon I realized that my tent was the last one standing. So I helped Rex pack up all of his dutch ovens and cooking gear and load it into his trailer. I was still planning on staying, but I realized that Rex was leaving with the breakfast materials. I figured it was best to break camp while I still had some daylight, because if I waiting two hours and the rain hadn't abated, or if we got water in the tent, I would be breaking camp in the dark and alone. So we packed up and came home. By the time we got home (20 minutes) it was clear and beautiful. Figures. Oh well, better luck next time.

Get Your Head in the Game

This afternoon Francie called to inform me that Kyle Korver was at Harmon's signing autographs. My first thought was to wake Kate so we could run down there. But since she was working tonight I decided to let her sleep. I took the kids over (Whitney refused) and stood in line with them. He was very personable, joking with Patrick about his shirt that reads "Voted Most Likely to Squish Stuff". He even signed Lauren's autograph to 'Bean'. Now we'll see if he will even be back this year...

The Importance of Articulation

For the past several months Bean has responded to the question "What's your name?" with the response "Lauren Webster". We had no idea who Lauren Webster was. I assumed that she was a character from one of the many TV shows the kids watch. On the last day of school Lauren came home with a packet full of papers. Kate was going through the papers when Bean began to yell "Look! Look! Lauren Webster!" She was pointing to her name placard, which had the name "Lauren" on it. It also had a drawing of a lobster. As it turns out the teacher placed a drawing of an animal that started with the same letter as each child's name. It wasn't Lauren Webster after all. It was Lauren Lobster...

All Grown Up

It's been a week since Kate's 30th birthday party, and I am just now posting about it. I am ashamed. I created a video tribute to celebrate Kate, just as I did for Stretch's 60th birthday. However, because of the sheer size of the file I had trouble uploading it. So I had to break it up into three parts, compromising my artistic creativity. I also had some issues with YouTube and copyright issues, so I had to change the music a little, which should make Pat happy, since she complained about the awesome tunes I had attached. So enjoy.

Kate made some heavenly apple dumplings. Ingredients: sugar, butter, apples, dough, Mt. Dew and guilt.

The Air Force sent a KC-135 and a quartet of F-16s for a flyby to mark Kate's birthday. I thought that was very nice of them...

'Blossom' made her debut with the family that day. She is what Bean refers to as a 'chick-a-wah-wah' and she is our new canine.

Do you think Patrick and Josh coordinated their outfits? I really hope not...

And Beckie was her usual pleasant self...

I worried that the inclement weather would ruin the party, since my house is not big enough to hold 50 guests. But after a short shower things turned pretty nice. (And don't think I don't see that finger again Beckie!)

Of course that snooty, annoying little Omnibot had to come in to try to steal the show...

Hey robot! See that ring on Kate's left hand? That's right. Back away jerk.

Froggy
~2000-2009

This morning when I left the house I stepped over Lauren, who had her arms wrapped around her best friend Froggy, carrying on a one-sided conversation with the pug. It was the last image I had of Froggy alive. About 2:30 this afternoon I got a call from Kate. She told me that we had a situation. I wondered if one of the kids had flooded the bathroom again or something of that nature. I wish. All of the kids had been playing in the front yard, Froggy included. A man who had been landscaping a yard in our neighborhood drove by in his dump truck, and Frog gave chase. Kate was in the house when she heard all the kids burst in screaming that Froggy was dead. They had witnessed Froggy getting crushed under the tires of the truck.

I won’t sicken you with the gory details, but it was a sight that I wish the kids hadn’t seen. By the time I got home a couple of my neighbors had carefully cleared up the remains of the dog and placed them in a box, which I took to the animal control office.

As you might imagine, Whitney and Bean took it the hardest. Whit was hysterical. Bean was more subdued, but has been walking around the house all evening asking “Where’s my doggy?” and repeatedly declaring that “Froggy got hurt by the truck” and “Froggy is with Jesus.” It wasn’t until I heard Bean talking like this that I lost it.

Kate has also taken it pretty hard. She feels responsible for letting Froggy be out front in the first place. As the dog’s eyesight worsened, we tried to be more diligent about not letting her go out front. She became more agitated about diesel trucks, and still chased them. We had done a pretty good job of keeping her inside, but with the nice weather, and the kids going in and out of the house and the back yard, it was inevitable that she would get out.

We had tickets to go see ‘UP’ tonight, and I felt as though it was wrong to go to a movie on the day that the kids’ dog was killed. But I also thought that maybe it would help get the kids’ minds off of what they had seen. What I didn’t know is that dogs play a major part in ‘UP’. Kate cried throughout, Patrick broke down, and after the show Whitney lost it.

I was wondering what we were going to do about Bean. I wasn’t sure how we were going to get her to bed without her ‘pillow’. After the movie we came home and started to get the kids ready for bed. Bean had disappeared, and I found her asleep in the corner of the couch, the same spot where Froggy always slept while waiting for the kids to go to bed.

Froggy was about as good of a dog as anyone could ask for. She never had accidents and was always well behaved. The only thing she ever wanted was to be loved, and the best thing that ever happened to her was when Bean took an interest in her. Bean would sit for hours at a time, just petting and talking to Froggy. She will be sorely missed.

To give you an idea of how great she was, I have to be a little graphic and I apologize. A few weeks ago Bean got sick. One morning during the illness I walked into Bean and Whitney’s room to discover that Bean’s pull-ups had failed during the night, and the bed was covered with diarrhea. I bathed Lauren while Kate stripped the bed. A few minutes later I noticed that Frog had also been pooped on. She just sat in the corner, unconcerned about her soiled state. So while Kate dressed Bean I gave Froggy a bath of her own. That night I put the kids in bed and went down to gather Froggy from her spot on the couch. She looked up at me and drooped her ears, as if to ask “Are you serious?” But she dutifully got up and walked upstairs and into the bedroom. I figured that she might opt not to sleep in Bean’s bed that night. But when I checked on everyone before retiring, I found her snuggled up next to the Bean.

Changing Headgear

A couple of weeks ago I reported that Bean was obsessed with her High School Musical helmet. She has since changed her choice of headwear from the helmet to something more socially appropriate. Just in time to celebrate the boys of summer. Kate was so proud...

A Girl's Best Friend

For years Froggy has slept in Whitney's room, usually on her bed. Lately Froggy has switched over to Bean's bed. Both Bean and Froggy love it. Froggy gets someone who wants to cuddle with her, and Lauren gets a soft warm pillow. While sleeping they play 'Dueling Snores'. It makes quite a symphony.

And sometimes when Bean can't find Froggy, she just has to use the arm of the glider rocker...

Salt Lake Half Marathon 2009

Kate's time: 1 hour, 50 minutes. My time: longer than that...

A Little Something for Everyone

I actually have a little tidbit about each member of the family for this post. I will start with the most pressing issue: my wife. We had yet another visit at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital this week. Fortunately we had some good news. The official diagnosis is idiopathic thrombocytopenia (ITP). Everything else has been ruled out. Her platelet count is still low, but not low enough that the doctor feels the need to treat it. So despite feeling quite fatigued, Kate is doing well. The bruises are going away.

Don't Need a Helmet, Got a Hard Hard Head...

Patrick's best friend Kaison does not wear a helmet while riding his bike. Patrick knows that he is not supposed to ride his bike without one, but he feels dumb wearing it while Kaison doesn't. Monday afternoon he learned what happens when you go without protection. He and Kaison were involved in a head on collision, which left Patrick with a nice goose egg on his forehead, and scrapes all up and down his arm. So he learned the hard way that his mom and pops aren't just being mean by making him wear the helmet. Sometimes kids just have to learn the hard way that parents are right. Kind of like when my mother told me if I made this ugly face that it would stick. Turns out she was right...

Bean also has learned from her brother's mistake. She found her Wildcats (High School Musical, of course) helmet this week, and hasn't taken it off, even though she doesn't ride a bike. She lounges around the house in it. She insisted on wearing the helmet to school, and Kate allowed it, rather than fighting her. Soon after the bus departed with Bean on it, the school teacher called. She told Kate that she remembered that Lauren had a history of seizures, and wanted to know if the helmet was a precautionary measure due to a recurrence of the seizures. Kate explained why Bean had the helmet, and assured her that there was no risk of anything, except Bean looking like the village idiot.

Call on me

And then there's Whitney. Last Thursday Kate found a message on the phone from Lucas. Lucas is a young man in Whitney's class who was calling to see how she was doing with her math homework. She called him back and had an awkward conversation with him. It was nice to see that she's growing up. But do not, under any circumstances, insinuate that he is her boyfriend. Otherwise she will punch you. It seems that to her boys still have cooties, which is fine with me.

Gettin' Jiggy With It

Samantha participated in a dance competition last Saturday. She did very well.

And finally, there is me. Last week during a Jazz playoff game I saw a commercial for the NBA in which my cousin Jeff sat next to Carlos Boozer, while Booz read books to elementary kids. Jeff did a good job of pretending that he didn't notice the camera was on him. It wasn't as cool as when the news showed up at the school during a snowstorm, and Jeff was seen 'accidentally' wandering into the camera shots repeatedly. But cool nonetheless.

Last Thursday I gained national prominence when I sent an e-mail to the Jim Rome show, which was read on the air. Before you listen to the clip, let me set it up for those who don't listen to the show. Every day Rome reads dozens of e-mails and texts from listeners. At the end of the show he reads the 'Triple U'. It is uninspired, unfunny and unreadable. If the material is bad enough, the sender will get blocked from sending future messages. (No, my e-mail was not the Triple U). Before he reads the Triple U, Rome announces the 'sponsor', which is usually something annoying, irritating, or that people just hate. People send Triple U sponsors to the show, and that day Rome picked mine. He had a little fun with it, and I got my 1 minute of fame. I'll take what I can get.

The Old Man and the C

Last Sunday we hosted a party to celebrate a couple of birthdays. Though it was my birthday, the real reason for the party was Stretch's 60th. I made this video to celebrate him, as well as embarrass him. I accompished both. For those who were unable to attend the party, enjoy.

I'm hoping to look that good when I am 60. Though I know it won't happen.

Pat had a good time...

Mac had a good time...

Kate had a...do you see a recurring theme here? Must be a Wharton thing...

Based on baby Gwen's stare, I'd say she was hungry...

This is Buddy before he decided to punch my coffee table with his face...

Pat was in a better mood after Ard and Jan arrived. Who wouldn't be?

Hooray for School!

Last Friday I attended a short ceremony at the elementary school, wherein Whitney was presented with the 'Power' award. She's working hard in school and doing a great job.

Bean also has been enjoying her pre-school. She came home last week with the lion and lamb she made. A woman in my Dad's ward works at the school and knows Lauren. She told my Dad that Bean talks about her sister Whitney and her brother Patrick. The woman was surprised to find out that Bean has another sister, Samantha. That speaks volumes about how the two of them feel about each other.