Longshanks

2012-01-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Someone had a bad week...

Friday afternoon I received a text from Kate. She had given Samantha a bloody nose. She had come down to the landing, and dropped a pencil box into Samantha’s hands. Before Sammy could close her hands around the box, it bounced, crashing into her nose and unleashing a torrent of blood. This was the capper for a rough week for Sammy-Lou-Who.

Monday afternoon Kate took our calico, Marilyn to the vet. She had been extremely lethargic, and would not let anyone touch her. The feline had crawled up under an end table, and stayed there for over fifteen hours. After a battery of tests it was determined that Marilyn had feline leukemia, and would have to be put down. We had not been prepared for this, and I found myself breaking the news to my kids at the dinner table: Marilyn would not be coming home. I expected Whitney to be emotional about the news, and she was. But I didn’t expect Samantha to take it as hard as she did. She was inconsolable.

We have since found that Marilyn’s brother, Joe also tested positive, and will have to be put down. Because of the circumstances of their birth (in a window well, to a stray) they were probably born with it, and their vaccinations could not prevent the inevitable.

On Wednesday, Kate took Samantha to see a dermatologist to address an outbreak of warts on the child’s hands, feet and lip. Kate had to have the pleasure of wrapping her arms and legs around Sam, to hold her still while the doctor froze the warts. We have since had to keep her lubed up with a cream that stings, but we have found that she is much more amenable to putting on the cream when we explain that failure to do so might mean another trip to the dermatologist. Though, that might happen anyway…

All of this on top of the fact that Samantha’s school science experiment has not gone according to plan. Several weeks ago we went to Home Depot and bought five stalks of the same common house plant. She has been ‘feeding’ them each something different: water, orange juice, milk, root beer and diet coke. Her hypothesis was that the one being fed orange juice would do the best, and the rest would die. Orange juice has vitamins, after all. We had to replicate the experiment three times, which means that Kate had to make another trip to the Depot for ten more plants. Now, several weeks later, we have 15 plants in our kitchen, and none of the damn things will die! The orange juice drinkers have mold growing at the bases, and the milk eaters stink to high heaven.

I tried to explain to Samantha that this was not a bad thing: What’s not important is that you are proven right, but that you learn from the experiment. All that we learned from this trial is that the little bastards are resilient.

I told Samantha not to worry, and to keep her glass half full. The upside from having a bad week is being able to look forward to how much better next week can be…

2012-01-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

What’s in a Name?

For those who don’t already know, Kate and I once again find ourselves deciding on baby names. We have decided that we will not find out the baby’s gender until the arrival date in May-ish. So we have to be prepared with both boy and girl names. Staying true to my word, I will not give away what our top picks are. I can say, however, that Kate still rules out my top pick for a girl name: Laverne Ann Shirley. We have also decided against some of Bean’s favorite picks: Derek, CC, Thurman, Mariano, Lou, Babe and Mickey.

As we sat around the kitchen table talking about names, the conversation soon turned toward maiden names, I’m not sure how. Kate explained to the kids why women (and sometimes men) take the names of their spouses when wed. Fortunately the kids didn’t ask me why I didn’t take Kate’s name when we were married. ‘Chris Christiansen’ just didn’t have a ring that resonated with me. Samantha twittered and giggled when Kate asked whose name she wanted to take when she got married, but wouldn’t answer.

Patrick then asked ‘Can I change my name?’ Having been really happy with the choice ‘Patrick’ I was taken back.

‘Why would you want to change your name?’ Kate asked.

Patrick’s demeanor suddenly changed and he burst into tears. ‘I hate my name!’ he said. ‘Every day when I get to school a kid named Isaac comes up to me and yells ‘get back to your TV show!’’

I stared at him for a moment until I made the connection: Patrick Starfish from SpongeBob Squarepants.

‘Seriously?’ asked, laughing despite his tears. ‘Patrick. When he says that to you, just point at him and laugh and say ‘You still watch SpongeBob? I stopped watching that when I was like 4!’’ This seemed to help him a bit.

‘Patrick’ Kate said. ‘It doesn’t matter if you change your name. He will still find some reason to tease you. When I was a kid I was Kathryn Mary Christiansen.’ The kids didn’t quite understand the Catholic school girl reference.

‘When you were a kid, did other kids call you ‘Chris Swirley’?’

‘Yes!’ I said. ‘And if anyone calls you that, you have my permission to give them one.’ This seemed to help, as the image of flushing someone made him laugh.

I don’t feel bad for Patrick, or any of my kids who get taunted because of their names. Surely it happens to everyone (and don’t call me ‘Shirley’). Even Whitney’s own jerk of a father refers to her as ‘Whitnerd’. I myself also remember giving as well as I got to my elementary school peers calling Donovan ‘Dorkovan’ and Dennis ‘Pennis’ and thinking that I was oh, so clever.

And I certainly won’t feel bad if I get a call from the principal to tell me that my son gave a swirley to someone who taunted him about his name…

2011-12-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out...

We sat at Grandpa Stretch's house Sunday afternoon, visiting and enjoying our Christmas Day while A Christmas Story played in the background. Suddenly Patrick tugged on my arm.
'Papa!' he said. 'Look! That kid got a Red Rider BB gun. Just like the one I got!'

'Imagine that.' I replied. 'They stole my idea.'

No, we didn't get my nine-year-old a BB gun for Christmas. We got it for him when he turned 8. However, there are few holidays and birthdays where Patrick does not get a new gun. When I was a kid Nerf made squishy footballs and basketballs. I don't know if they still make sporting items, but they have a lucrative business in arms sales for kids. I am pretty sure that Patrick has one of every model gun they've ever made, and we have an impressive amount of suction cup and whistling bullets strewn about our house and yard.

In addition to the sponge bullet shooters, he also has an array of water guns, and his latest weapon shoots Orbeez, which are tiny water-filled balls that splat on contact with hard surfaces.

I shouldn't be surprised at his love of guns, though his father's only owned gun is a .22 pistol that, to the best of my knowledge has never been fired. After all, we live in Utah, a state that now has an 'official' handgun. It won't be long before he starts carrying an NNRA (National Nerf Rifle Association) card and touting his right to carry his recon pistol to church. He's even asked me to build a hidden gun safe into the wall of his bedroom.

Just the other night, when he refused to clean his room and put the guns away, I threatened to take them away. At this he held one aloft and cried, 'From my cold, dead hands!'

At least I know that when the Nerf-Zombie apocalypse happens I will have him to protect me...

2011-12-27T20:01:00.001-08:00

Short and Stout...

Recently Whitney took a beginning pottery class. It has been one of the few she has enjoyed. She has been very proud of the pieces she has been bringing home.

I love the ugly mug on this mug.

She was a bit frustrated with her little tea pot. I told her it looks as a tea pot should: short and stout...

Of course, she compared hers to a tea pot Kate made in school, that we still have.

We have several of Kate's pieces from when she was in school. Of all of them her 'cat pot' is one of my favorites.

But of all of the creations Whitney has brought home, none has been more awesome than her garden gnome. She asked if we would put it in the garden, and we said no way. I love it too much to risk seeing it broken outside. He is currently guarding the kitchen, patrolling for late night food thieves.

And though this piece is not pottery, I include this bronze as another of my favorites of Kate's creation. But it's still not as cool as the gnome...

2011-12-12T08:45:00.001-08:00

It's So Great to be Eight...

I hope you enjoy these photos from Samantha's baptism. It was a great day. Samantha played a nice piano piece before the baptism. Big brother Patrick did a great job with the spotlight. The only hitch came when I got a text 30 minutes before the baptism telling me that someone who was to give a talk, who will remain nameless (Chas) was stuck in Park City and would be late. We juggled the program, and all went well. I am very proud of her, and thankful that I could be a part of this with her.

2011-12-09T10:14:00.001-08:00

Why do you have to be so much like me?

Often I find my kids doing things that remind me of things I did when I was a kid. When I was a kid, these things were okay. Now that I am a parent, they make no sense to me, and I find myself saying to my kids ‘Do as I say, not as I have done.’

For example, Patrick insists on riding his bike to school every day. This is a good thing. We live close enough that he should not need a ride to school, even in winter. The problem is that he refuses to wear a coat. He insists that he does not get cold, despite the fact that his cheeks (all sets) are purple before he gets there when the temperature is in the teens. I am reminded of times when I was a youth, walking to school in short pants in the middle of winter, with icicles forming on me leg hairs. Why did I do this? Why does anyone do anything? Because they can.

Last night I sent the kids down to their rooms for reading time. After a time I noticed that Patrick’s light was off. Knowing that there was no way he had gone to bed on his own, I ventured down to find the door to Samantha and Lauren’s room closed. I opened the door to find that the three had taken every stuffed animal, pillow and blanket in the house (there are many) and lined the floor of the bedroom. They had then proceeded to stuff their pajamas with pillows and stuffed animals and were punching each other in the chest and kicking each other in the butt as hard as they could, trying to knock each other down. They were also belly-flopping from the upper bunk into a pile of pillows, blankets and teddy bears.

My first thought was to get mad at them for eschewing story time in favor of roughhousing. However, though they were throwing punches, they were not ‘fighting’ as they usually do. Also, they agreed to clean up the mess. And most importantly, they were not lounging in front of the TV, thumbing through the iPod, or playing video games.

The activity reminded me of some of the many adventures we got into as kids. Specifically the slide we used to make down the basement stairs. We would drag two mattresses from our beds and place them end to end on the stairs, forming a nearly 12 foot slide. Due to the narrowness of the stairs, the mattresses were cupped, and we would shoot recklessly down the chute. At the bottom of the slide we had created a padded landing, similar to the one my kids were using to dive from the top bunk. The difference between our escapades on the stair-slide and my kids’ wrestling, is that our fun usually lasted until someone fell into tears. P-Man, Sam and Bean eventually cleaned up their mess and went to bed without incident. Maybe it’s only a matter of time before we end up in the ER with a head injury or a tooth through the lip. It’s all a part of growing up I guess…

2011-11-16T18:29:00.001-08:00

Time to Reflect

We just got home from the Reflections contest award ceremony at the kids' school. Samantha viewed it as a waste of time because she did not get more than an honorable mention. Adding insult to her injury, Patrick got a medal for an 'award of merit'. The kids did a great job with their entries this year.

The theme this year was 'Diversity means...' Bean decided to go with an entry that featured her with her bodybuilder friend, showing that people who are different in appearance can still be good friends.

Samantha went 'Warhol' with her entry, using the same photo with several variations in color and tint with the words 'Beautiful in every color'.

Patrick's entry also showed how people of differing interests can get along. He used a picture of him with his friend Max and the raingutter regatta holding up their respective boats above the title 'Love your enemies.'

2011-11-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

A Halloween First

Halloween was a little different this year. Just like years past, we managed to get through the pumpkin carving without a trip to the ER for stitches. But this year, for the first time, I did not go trick-or-treating. Whitney wanted to take the kids around the neighborhood, so I was able to sit on my butt and watch really bad football (Chargers v. Chiefs).

I wasn't worried about Whit taking the kids out. Her 'crazy Ute' costume stood out so much that there was no chance of a car not seeing her.

Patrick opted for the hippie look. Before he dressed in his costume, Bean informed me that he would look like 'Jimmy Hendrickson'.

Samantha first dressed as a baby. As did most of the girls in her class. So before going out that night she changed into a 'dead bride' costume.

And Bean decided to go as a lamb, leaving a trail of cottonballs as she walked.

It was a good night, though we did not have many kids come to our door. I blame that on the proponents of the trunk-or-treat. But I don't mind. Less candy handed out means more candy for me to take to work...

2011-10-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

Beano and Goliath

Last Spring before Kate's competition, Bean had the chance to meet Phil Heath, a guest poser at the competition. I did not know who he was at this time, though I thought it was funny to see such a dainty little thing next to such a mountain of a man. Since then Bean has mentioned her meeting with Phil often, referring to him as her 'best friend'.

When Phil recently graced the cover of 'Flex' magazine, Kate picked up a copy for Bean, though it was mostly because Kate's friend Heather Dees was also featured in the magazine. Bean sat at the kitchen table, 'reading' the magazine.

Heath became Mr. Olympia for 2011 this September. This weekend he was back in Salt Lake as a guest poser, and Bean got the opportunity to see him again. I felt a little awkward taking her in, considering that most of the people that were there to see Phil had biceps the size of my thighs. We had recently been at a baptism and Bean was still sporting her brown church dress.

I found Mr. Heath to be quite genial, and was great with both Lauren and Patrick. Because of this I forgave him for crushing three bones in my hand as he shook it.

As I drove home after our meeting with Mr. Olympia I asked Lauren if she was going to grow up to be a body builder like her best friend. She said she doesn't want to look like Phil, but instead would prefer to look more like Heather. I think that's a good thing...

Notice that as the two flex their guns, Bean is still holding her Derek Jeter doll. If there was a Phil Heath doll, she would have that instead.

2011-09-17T17:10:00.001-07:00

The Dirty Dash 2011

I'll let these pictures speak for themselves...

2011-09-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

The Inaugural Mt Nebo Half Marathon

He awoke with a start and reached for his phone. Had he slept through his alarm? No. It was 2:50AM. The alarm on his phone would not go off for another ten minutes. He rolled over in the hope of getting a few extra minutes of sleep. He had not wanted to get up this early on a Saturday morning, but the packet pick-up for the half marathon had been in Provo on Friday. He did not want to drive all the way down there from Sandy to pick up his packet, drive home. And then have to drive all the way to Payson the next morning for the run. They were offering race day pickup, but you had to be there by 4:30 to get your bib and shirt.

He rolled out of bed just a few minutes before the alarm was to go off and staggered toward the kitchen. Usually the night before an organized run he went to bed early. This week was an exception. He and Kate had tickets to see the play ‘Mary Poppins’ the night before and he wouldn’t miss the chance for a night out with his wife. They felt like real boors, sneaking out as soon as the play ended, without staying for the curtain call. But Kate had to be up by 5 for work, so they both had an excuse as to why they needed to beat traffic and get home.

He stood in the kitchen and downed a couple of bread slices and some chocolate milk. He was not a morning person, and rarely ate breakfast. But he had learned the hard way that he needed a lot of fuel to cover the 13.1 miles that were ahead of him.
Quietly he crept back into the bedroom and switched on the closet light. He had packed most of his things the night before, and was able to quickly dress and slip in his contacts. He carried his gym bag and shoes down to the living room, where he spent the next ten minutes stretching. Flexibility was a problem for him, though it was getting much better since he started seeing a physical therapist after injuring his knee three months earlier.

By 3:30 he had extinguished all the lights in the house and quietly locked the front door behind him. The morning air smelled of rain, and he took it in as he walked to his car. The gas light came on when he turned the ignition, and he cursed himself for not remembering to fill the tank the night before. At the 7-11 he filled the tank and bought a doughnut and Gatorade.

As he turned off the freeway in Payson he noticed that he was ahead of schedule: it was 4:15. Halfway down Main Street he found the high school. He had not encountered another set of headlights since he turned off the freeway. He pulled into a parking stall and turned the engine off. The full moon was out, and everything was still and silent. The Gatorade had been the last step in a week-long hydration process. Now he realized that his bladder was full, and there were no restrooms in sight. He quickly ran across the school ground and found a dark place behind one of the buildings. It wasn’t until after he had voided that he realized that he had urinated on a seminary building. He silently asked forgiveness for his blaspheme as he retreated to the car. A slight breeze had picked up, and it was chilly.

By 4:40 he could see signs of life. Cars were one by one filing into the parking lot and soon he saw someone set up a table. He got out of the car and stepped into the line that was forming.
“Hi. I am Chris Shirley.” He said to the woman behind the table. She scanned her list for a moment.
“I am showing that you picked your packet up already.” She replied. He stared at her for a moment.
“No.” He said slowly. “I didn’t.”
“Well, you’re going to have to talk to my husband.” She said. “He’ll be here shortly, so just hang tight.”

He stepped off to the side and watched others pick up their packets. Eventually the husband appeared, and she motioned him over. The man scanned through his lap top computer and assigned him a new bib number. This meant that whoever had his packet probably didn’t know, and would look for his name on the official race time list after the run, unable to find himself. This also meant that Chris would not be listed on the official race time list.

He climbed on to one of the yellow school buses that had appeared and found a seat. He wasn’t upset about the bib mix-up. This was the first year of this run. There were bound to be minor problems. He leaned back against the window and closed his eyes as he listened to the groups of people in the other seats sharing stories of other running experiences. He had almost dozed off when the engine rumbled to life and began its ascent up the canyon.

It was 5:40 when the bus pulled off the road into a small clearing among the trees. The moon was now obscured by clouds, and he could see nothing outside the bus. As he filed down the steps he saw a flash. A young man had just started a fire. He watched as the man walked from fire pit to fire pit, dousing each set of logs with gasoline before igniting them. As the flames roared up he made out a line of port-a-potties and realized he needed one again. He had been on the first bus, and there were just a few people in line ahead of him.

As there were only a few dozen people at the start line it was easy for him to find a spot near the open flame. He wore an old sweatshirt, but still shivered. The starting elevation for this run was over 8,000 feet and the September chill was getting to him. He listened to the conversations around the campfires, wandering from one pit to another. They were all the same. People were sharing experiences from previous races, laughing at each others’ anecdotes. Sometimes a person would make the mistake of admitting that this was his or her first run. Inevitably one of the experienced runners would start to give unsolicited advice about how to run properly.

By quarter to seven there was enough light to appreciate the scenery. It was spectacular. He looked down the canyon at the countless trees, most of which were still green, with small patches of yellow creeping in. He slipped away from the crowd and found a spot to stretch one more time. Then he went through his last pre-run checklist. iPod and earphones: check. Knee brace tightened: check. Running belt with supply of Gu: check. Nipples taped: check. Bodyglide: no.

Damn, he thought. Oh well. He was ready.

He filed in with the other runners near the gate. There were only 350 runners for this event, and he enjoyed that fact that it was small. He was used to the masses at the Salt Lake Marathon. Before the horn was blown they were given their last set of instructions. The canyon was open to cars, so they had to watch their step. It was a 3,500 foot elevation drop, so they needed to be careful with the steep downhills. The organizers did not want any injuries.

Finally it was time. Just before the horn was blown he peeled off his throw away sweatshirt. He filed through the gate and immediately saw a woman ahead fall hard. As he approached he saw that she was holding her right forearm and wincing in agony. Something about the arm was askew. He thought about how best to help her. But before he could approach, an army of fellow runners and race organizers swarmed her. For better or worse, he left the injured woman behind, hoping he would not be the next.

As he came around the first bend he saw a woman dressed in orange hunting gear walking up the road. She held a crossbow in her hand. He had not expected that.

It didn’t take long before he felt the effects of the downhill running. A dull ache began to form in his shins. He did his best to shut it out. He was doing everything right. His physical therapist had shown him how he was placing unnecessary stress on his hips by crossing over as he ran. She made him run with his head down so he could see what was happening on the ground. He visualized a line on the street, careful to make sure his feet did not cross over it. He was also careful to ensure that as he kicked out his feet didn’t cross over behind him. Ever since the PT had suggested this, the pain he felt in his knees had dissipated. He wondered if he even needed the brace any more.

No…one’s…gonna….STOP! Perry Farrell wailed through his earphones.

He put his head up just as he rounded a corner and found himself face to face with the largest black bovine he had ever seen. The cow stood stock still, regarding him as he ran by. Another sight he had not expected that morning.

He was surprised as he reached the second mile marker. Usually he was able to know his distances based on the number of songs that filtered through his iPod. Generally two songs equated to one mile. He had been near the end of a Soundgarden song when he passed the first mile marker. As he reached the second, he was only through one more song. He assumed that it was simply due to the fact that the most recent song was a long version from Tool. By the time he reached the third mile marker he knew that he was running at a faster pace than his norm.

Fuel was foremost on his mind. He had had problems with running out of gas on previous long runs, and knew that by the time he felt hungry it would be too late to catch up. He had studied the map prior to the race and knew where the water stops were. He planned the Gu packets just before the water stations, so he could wash it down with some PowerAde and a water chaser.

Big wheel keep on turnin’…John Fogerty sang out Proud Mary keep on burnin’…

His running playlist was an eclectic collection of song that ranged from The Kingston Trio to White Zombie. He made a mental note to remove Social Distortion’s “Ball and Chain” when it came on.

When he passed the six mile marker he knew that he was going to set a personal record. He felt great. But he resisted the urge to reach out and slap the mile marker as he passed, something he had started on his first marathon. During the Mt. Timpanogos half marathon he had slapped the 11 mile marker as he passed it, accidentally knocking it over. He had stopped to right the marker, which did not want to stay up. He wasted more than a minute with it, which proved costly. He had missed his goal of a 2 hour half by a lousy 7.5 seconds because of it.

Fly away on my Zephyr…I feel it more than ever…

The sun had not been able to reach the bottom of the narrow canyon, and a slight breeze was all that was needed to keep things cool. He was a sweater, and had never been able to figure out why. No matter how well conditioned he was for a race, he always felt that he was sweating more profusely than anyone else. He passed a spot where a small waterfall came right near the road. The spray of the water felt great.

Just past the 10 mile marker the canyon mouth opened up, and the ground leveled out. He usually began to hit his first wall at this point, but not today. Things were going well. However, leaving the canyon also meant leaving the shade. The direct sunlight was a sharp contrast to the coolness of the canyon breeze. The road soon became a long roller coaster. The uphills were not steep, but each one seemed to get longer than the last.

He could tell that he was slowing down. His steps were shorter. He debated about whether or not he should power through, stretching his gait and racing the last couple of miles. He decided against it. He had made decent time, and didn’t want to risk injury.

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

The last water stop was at the 11 mile marker. After the PowerAde he sipped a bit of the water and poured the rest down his shirt. It was a nice jolt. Fatigue was setting in and though the ache in his shins was gone, his quadriceps and hamstrings were getting tight. He began to do the math. Even if his pace was down to 10 minute miles, he was still only 20 minutes from the finish line. 20 minutes? No problem. Nothing lasted 20 minutes. Muscle pain was no problem. Joint pain was. And his joints were not signaling that they were in distress.

A policeman directed the runners from the canyon road to a residential neighborhood. He was all but there.

I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door…

He looked above the rooftops of the homes and saw the light posts for the baseball field. That was the finish line. He was all but there.

A rogue drop of sweat dove from his brow, hesitated on his eyelash, and before he could wipe it away splashed into his eye. He squinted and rubbed the eye. He hated when the salty sweat got into his eyes, stinging and blurring his vision. During the cold months he ran with a cap, which served to keep the sweat out of his eyes. But he couldn’t bring himself to wear a sweatband. Something about the image of a bald thirty-something running down the road with an 80’s style NBA headband did not appeal to him.

He rounded the last corner and saw a crowd of people at the finish line. It was the first crowd he had seen. His vision was blurred enough that he couldn’t make out the time clock, other than the ‘1’ at the beginning. He had done it. He had broken through the 2 hour mark. That had been his only goal. He trotted along down the last passage as the crescendo of cheering became louder. As he passed the finish line he saw the clock: 1:49:20. He had been hoping to beat his previous best by 5 minutes. He ended up doing it by nearly 11.

He bent down and accepted as a young girl placed a finisher’s medallion around his neck. Another passed him a bottle of water.

He paced back and forth along the outfield wall, sipping the water and cooling down. After a time he sat and stretched. The elevation loss on the run had been nearly 3,500 feet. Discounting the last couple of miles that were fairly even, the grade had been better than 5%. Fairly steep.

He hadn’t broken any land speed records. He didn’t finish first. He did feel great. He had set a personal record, and done it without injuries on the most beautiful course he had ever seen. Yes, he felt pretty damn good.

2011-09-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

Ninety Years Young!

Labor Day weekend was a little extra special this year. As most of the family was going to be in Idaho for the holiday weekend, Aunt Jan decided to coordinate a little early birthday party for Grandma Shirley, who turns 90 this year.

Jan worked very hard to ensure that the party was a surprise. Grandma knew of the party, as we have one for Labor Day every year. She was more than a little surprised when a birthday cake with her name on it was brought out with candles alight.

Jan also hit a home run with the birthday gift. She had each of Marge’s children and grandchildren write a special reflection about Grandma. She then printed them and arranged them in a book with a picture of the families on a background themed around the writer. It was touching.

Though I can’t remember word for word what I said in my reflection, I can reflect on some of the things that make Grandma special. Some of my earliest memories of Marge relate to summers spent at her home, where we would get eaten alive by mosquitoes. She always had a small green bottle with some salve with a sharp smell. She would gently dab our affected skin with the ointment, which made the itch disappear. She would take us to the St. Anthony sand dunes and stand atop the hill as a sentinel, guarding against any dune buggies that might come our way.

Marge has one of the warmest spirits I have ever encountered. I cannot recall a time when I felt that I was in trouble, though there were many times that I should have been. When as kids (and later as adults) we would do something naughty, she would just purse her lips together and raise her eyebrows. She even did this to me this weekend, when I told her I would be driving home at night, something she does not approve of.

Her mannerisms are quite unique. She has a deep, hearty laugh that Mrs. Bird (now deceased) used to imitate. And whenever we tell her something of import, she gives her famous phrase “Well for Heaven’s sake.”

I remember times when we were out hunting Christmas trees until well after dark, and returning to her house to see her standing out front, on patrol with her hands on her hips. And regardless of how late it was, there was always a hot meal served to us.

It is no secret that I still look up to my father. And when I reflect on the person he has become, I have to take note of the kind of person who raised him, and the wonderful attributes he inherited from her, as well as the hard work ethic that was instilled in him. I am grateful for the influence that Grandma Shirley has had in my life, and I am thankful that my children have had a chance to know her and spend some time with her.

Happy Birthday, Marge Shirley!

2011-08-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

Hike 'Em Up!

The annual Shirley family campout was held last weekend at Tanner’s Flat Campground. We camped on the lower loop, where we had no threat of mountain bikers coming through the camp. My tent was so close to the creek that my kids and I had the sound of water to lull us to sleep both nights. The number one activity on any camp trip is eating, and this was no exception. Whitney has been asking me all summer to make Navajo Tacos again, so Friday night we did just that, with buttered and cinnamon scones for dessert. I also brought marshmallows, graham crackers and Hershey bars for s’mores. As did Alley. As did Heather. As did Dad. The level of stickiness was off the charts. Saturday night we feasted on tinfoil dinners that Kate prepared for us (even though she was unable to attend the camp trip). Instead of potatoes she added frozen tater tots, which were a big hit with the kids. And of course no camp trip would be complete without the requisite banana boats.

To counter the mass calories consumed, we embarked on a hike up the side of the mountain. As Tanner’s Flat is a watershed area, we couldn’t ford the river, and needed to walk downstream to find some logs that had fallen across, which we used to walk over. As usual, we did not follow a defined trail. We went straight up the face of the mountain, picking between the bushes and trees as we went. After cresting the shoulder of the mountain we looped back in with the waterfall we followed last year, which I have since learned is called Red Pine. The first thing I noticed was that the water was much higher and faster this year.

Our goal was to see how high we could get this year, so we followed the Red Pine up. Because of the steepness of the canyon walls there were times that we would have to climb away from the river to more level ground, and then make our way back to the water as we got higher. At one point Dad, Patrick and I became separated from Chas and Hannah. We continued up for a time, assuming that they were somewhere ahead of us. After a while Dad decided to wait for them, while Patrick and I continued on. Up and up we went, until I could see that P-man was getting tired. For a nine year old boy he is a great climber, but the hike was a lot for even me. We were at a very steep spot, and I told him that we would just climb up to a large rock above us, and then turn back. When we crested the hill, we took a break, and as we did I looked over and saw some people with backpacks. We hiked over to them and learned that they were on the Pfeifferhorn trail, headed back from Red Pine Lake. He told us that we were still an hour away from the lake (I later learned that was a lie). Since we had no water I decided to head back.

We started down the trail, but after a quarter mile I decided to cut off the trail and make my way back to the river, looking for Dad, Chas and Hannah. We never found them, but I wasn’t worried, assuming that they had started back down ahead of us. The further we got down the waterfalls the more I started wondering what I was thinking. Because of the higher, faster water, the climb down was far more treacherous, and I found myself looking at my son, wondering how I would get him back to camp safely. The last half mile was painstakingly slow, as boulders slipped from under our feet, crashing into the water below, and we had little vegetation to use as we lowered ourselves down. I have no pictures of this, as I was spending all my energy not getting killed.

Eventually we got to the bottom, where the Red Pine connects with Little Cottonwood Creek. We began picking our way through the trees looking for the downed logs. Eventually we came across a large stone outcropping that went right into the river. We were both too spent to climb up over it, and were stuck. I decided at that point to break the rules. I placed Patrick on my back, and began to quickly cross the icy cold water. Midway through the creek I took a step and found nothing underneath me. The water went from knee deep to chest deep in an instant, and I slipped, falling forward. I grabbed Patrick’s arm and started pulling him across. His arm slipped from my grip, and in an instant I had a vision of him being swept downstream. I threw my camera up on the North bank and turned in time to see him scrambling back to the South bank. I waded over and picked him up, this time in a fireman carry. More slowly this time I waded across, pitching him up on to the bank, soaking wet and muddy.

After returning to camp and depositing him in the tent to change clothes I went to see if the rest of the party had returned. To my dismay, I found Chas, but not Dad or Hannah. They had met up, and then become separated. Chas had also found the trail, and hiked all the way up to the lake, then down to Snowbird and down the canyon, back to camp. We went to the river and looked across at the waterfall to see if we could spot them coming down, which we could not. We were about to cross over and again ascend the waterfall looking for them, when Dad came down the road. As it turns out, he and Hannah had also come down the Pfeifferhorn trail, which I guess I should have done. It was a good adventure, but we were all gassed by bedtime, and slept well.

Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures of the campout’s last day, as I completely submerged my camera. Luckily, after drying it out for a day with everything open, it recovered, and works as good as new now.
I think a nice easy hike is in order for next year, like Mount Timpanogos

2011-07-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

My Rehab Run

The Salt Lake City Marathon did not go well for me this year. Without getting into detail, I will just say that my knee and hip ache just thinking about the 19 mile marker. After the marathon I went to see an ortho doc. She gave me a nice 'old man' brace for me knee. I looked at it and thought there was no way it was going to help anything.

I told family members that if they did not see a blog post about the Timpanogos half marathon, that it didn't go well. As you can see, I am blogging about it, and it went well.

I reported to American Fork High School at 5:00 this morning and boarded a bus that took me to the start line at Tibble Fork Reservoir. The race came down the canyon, past the Timpanogos Cave trailhead and back to the high school. The scenery was incredible. I will do this run again.

I didn't want to push it too hard, but I did have 2 goals: Finish in within 2 hours and without injury. I reached one of my goals. I am a firm believer in my new knee brace. I feel great. My unofficial finish time was 2:00:50. We'll see what the official time was. Either way, I can't feel bad about it.

Now that I can run without pain, I can keep training. In September I will run the Mt. Nebo half, another race with a serious elevation drop. The goal for that will be to beat my Timp time. But if I don't blog about it, you'll know why...

Mt. Timpanogos behind the start line

2011-07-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'm no cupcake...

People who work with and for me are always surprised when they meet Kate. The first question is usually something to the effect of: "How did you, get a woman like her?" The second question is more like: "How can she be so thin, when she bakes as well as she does?" The answer is easy: she doesn't eat anything she bakes. She has a taste-tester: me. She makes some of the best cupcakes I have ever sampled. As I type this, she is in the kitchen, making cream cheese frosting for Oreo cupcakes to take to a family party.

In addition to taking her baked wares to parties, we have shared these treats with neighbors and co-workers. Another comment I usually hear is: "These are so good, she should go into business." When I mention this to her, she dismisses it. She finds relaxation in baking for other people. If she had to do it for work, she wouldn't enjoy it as much.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Vanilla buttermilk with vanilla frosting

Poundcake with brown butter glaze

Spice with cream cheese frosting

Coconut with meringue frosting

Oreo (It should be noted that Kate hated these ones, because the chunks of Oreo wouldn't pass through the frosting nozzle, so she had to spread frosting with a knife and they weren't as 'pretty')

Buttermilk vanilla with vanilla frosting

Assorted, on the 'tree' (presentation is everything)

Vanilla with Yankees decorations, for Bean's birthday party

And my favorite, chocolate with chocolate frosting. And yes, she shaved her own chocolate as an added touch. Also, if you're wondering, that is a cupcake courier. How else would I transport nine dozen cupcakes to work?

There are others that are not pictured, such as the Oreo cheesecake and the red velvet cake. People ask me why I run so much. Now that you've seen these, can you understand why I do?

2011-07-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

Beating the Heat

No, my title has nothing to do with the awesome finish to this year's NBA finals. Rather, this summer has been busy. So busy that it is hard for me to believe that it is already half over. Where has the time gone?

Summer started with the end of the dance season.

With the end of the dance season, soccer season, tee-ball season and school, I wondered: What would the kids do with their time? Would they be bored all summer? The answer, of course, was: no, you dumb bastard. Hell no.

Last month Whitney had the opportunity to attend girls camp again. As always, 'camp' does not mean the same thing for the girls as it does for me. The girls and young women's leaders 'camped' here:

During my stay as a Priesthood leader, I got the chance to camp here:

Unlike the girls, I had no running water, no heat, no power and curling iron. Not that I am complaining. After all, I also did not have to listen to the girls who were up until 3AM dancing and singing, and I was there just one night. The location was green and beautiful. And best of all, I was well fed, which is a tradition of girls camp.

And of course, this past week we performed our duties as Americans, and celebrated the 4th of July by grilling and lighting the street on fire.

Little did Pat know that the blanket she brought out for rain protection for Isaac would soon be used to smother a fire caused by an errant rocket...

A scary combination: that facial expression, coupled with a firework called 'Conqueror'...

Kate and I decided that season passes to Cowabunga Bay were a great investment. The kids have already been at least a dozen times, and never tire of it.

There's the Lazy River for those who just want to chill...

...and a 1,000 gallon deluge for those looking to have their shorts taken down by the splash.

Sometimes the ride down the water slide ends with a smile...

...and other times it ends with an enema...

The purpose of this picture was to capture P-Man coming down the green slide. I realized later that the giant feet in the blue slide belonged to Whitney.

Before a 1,200 gallon shower...

...and after...

Yep. All in all, it's been a pretty great summer. And it's only half over...

2011-06-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

Hearing the Echo

My mother-in-law bought a pop-up trailer for camping. This is a good move. A few years ago she and Drew were tooling around in a full sized motorhome. They sold that and downsized to the pop-up. They're headed in the right direction. Before long they will actually camp in a tent. Or not. They wanted to try out the new toy, so last weekend we took a trip to Echo Reservoir.

Friday night's weenie roast was nearly ruined for Pat when Whitney explained that hot dogs are made from 'lips and assholes'.

Notice that even on camping trips Derek Jeter goes with Bean.

Of course, no Shirley family camp out would be complete without banana boats.

Mmmmm! How could anyone resist?

Initially I thought that a fishing trip would end in the ER...

...getting a fishing hook extracted from someone's butt crack...

But in 'the end' we had no problems. We also had no fish caught.

2011-05-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hike 'Em Up!

We stayed home for Memorial Day weekend this year. Not wanting the kids to be cooped up all weekend I decided that we would make a picnic and go on a hike. Whitney packed a backpack with PB&J sandwiches, chips and snacks, and we headed up Big Cottonwood Canyon to find a spot to hike.

I knew that due to higher than average snowfalls this year there might still be some snowdrifts to contend with, if we went too high. As I proceeded up the canyon I spotted a turnoff for the Mill B picnic area and decided to give it a try. After a quick bite to eat, we started up the Lake Blanche trail. I didn't know anything about it, but it was in front of us, so we started to climb.

The water level was high, and I threatened the kids to stay as far away as possible from the edge as we climbed the trail alongside the river. It was a beautiful hike, and not too strenuous for the kids, at least not at first.

At first the patches of snow we few and far between. A few steps and we'd be through them. But as we moved forward, they increased in number, and became longer. The kids were troopers, slipping and sliding up the trail. Before too long, it became too much. I knew we were close to the lake, but the trail had become impassable for them. I left them resting on a rock while I forged ahead, to see how much more diffiucult the climb would be. I returned with a verdict: Start back down.

After we got home, I looked up the trail and found this quote on the description: This is a VERY strenuous hike! The information page also listed the hike as a 6.6 miles round trip, with an elevation gain of ~2700 feet. Maybe a little too much for the kids. But I told them that we would try again in a month, after the snow had melted. Needless to say, the kids slept well last night.

2011-05-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

Riding the Pine(wood)

Patrick's Pinewood Derby car was not the prettiest of the lot. He was the only contestant in the field who painted his car with a flat paint, instead of glossy. While building the car I learned a valuable lesson. It is very hard to let your son do all the work. I did the cutting with the coping saw, but he did the design, shaping, sanding, painting and gluing of the accessories. He also put the wheels on. I coached as well as I could, but ultimately it was his project. As such I hoped he would place well. And he did.

He needed a little help with the coping saw, but the design was all his.

Yes, that is a Fruity Pebble treat on the same plate where he is mixing his paint...

In this photo he is seen in 4th place, but he would eventually finish second.

Patrick raced four times, finishing 3rd, 2nd, 3rd and (as shown here) 1st.

2011-05-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Boobs and Baseball

When thinking about the title of this blog post, I realized that people might think I was talking about the L.A. Dodgers. And most guys would think that those two things, along with beer, would make the ultimate combination. But no, I am referring to an event I attended with my children last week. Saturday night I took the kids to ‘Pack the Park Pink’ night at the Salt Lake Bees game. It was a double-header against the Reno Aces, and the Bees had collaborated with the Huntsman Cancer Institute to raise awareness and funds for breast cancer awareness.
Any time you are holding an event that relates to breast cancer, you will see all kinds of t-shirts, hats and signs that make references to ‘boobs’. I wasn’t worried about my kids being exposed to all of these plays on words and double entendres, considering, well, that they’re my kids, and therefore already exposed to such things.

When I went online to buy the tickets for the game I asked for the best seats available. I ended up with 12th row, dead center behind home plate. We were up just high enough to see the pitches come in. The sky was clear, making a perfect evening for some baseball. Before long I found myself sitting alone, as the kids had discovered that there was a train out by the lawn seats that took kids back and forth between the foul poles. They left to ride the train and to frolic on the grass. When they came back they were filthy dirty, as kids who have been playing should be.

We left before seeing much of the second game, as the kids got hungry again, and I am too cheap to feed them at park prices twice in one night. Nevertheless, it was a great outing, despite the Bees’ loss. The only thing better than a Saturday evening baseball game is a Saturday evening baseball game that also supports a great cause.

2011-03-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

It 'Figures'

Looking around the auditorium of Cottonwood High School Saturday night I felt small. The average bicep diameter in the room was greater than that of the Levis I was wearing. And that was just the women. I also noted that the Affliction shirts outnumbered purple polo shirts (such as the one I was wearing) by about 3,000 to 1. I had a moment of panic when I realized that Bean had disappeared. I soon learned that she was back stage with Kate, where she would remain throughout the show.

The judging had been done earlier that morning, and the evening show was just to let the crowd get a look at the competitors, and to hand out the trophies. It was Kate’s second show, and I knew that she had taken what she learned from last year, and used it to her advantage this year. I knew that she would place well, yet I found my hands shaking and heart pounding when she came out on stage as I tried to get some good pictures.

The competition was the culmination of many months of grueling training and preparation. Many nights Kate would leave the kitchen after making a delicious dinner that wasn’t on her meal plan. She didn’t force us to adjust our eating to match hers, and would cook great food for us while she ate her lean ground beef, plain sweet potatoes, cottage cheese and pineapple chunks. She showed incredible will power when she bought dozens of boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and stashed them in the freezer without eating a single one.

If a strong commitment to diet wasn’t hard enough, there was the two-a-day workouts. After the kids would leave for school, she would go to the gym for a morning weight session. Then after dinner she would return for her cardio. She has a very strained relationship with Mr. Stairmaster. After her final workout she kicked him. Hard. Anyone who would deign to question how hard she worked needs to consider this: after she developed a pain in her lower leg, on Ortho doc chastised her for putting up more than 500 pounds on the leg press. She was advised to ice it, keep it elevated and let up. She never missed a workout.

The payoff for the hard work came Saturday night when she was brought out on stage not once, but twice to accept her trophies. And if the awards weren’t great enough, we went to dinner at Salt City Burger afterward, where she was able to pound a greasy burger and onion rings without an ounce of guilt. Sometimes I will make jokes with friends and co-workers about how Kate now has to do all of the heavy lifting, or how nice it is to walk down a dark alleyway with her and not fear getting mugged. But in all seriousness, I am very proud of her, and use her as inspiration. When I am out on my long runs and I get tired, thinking that I can’t do it, I remember how hard she worked, and I find motivation.

As for Bean, she sat by herself during the competition back stage on her Buzz Lightyear blanket, playing with her Babe Ruth doll (see last post). The competitors are given fruit snacks as a way to get sugar to the muscles. Bean quickly discovered the snacks, and helped herself. Kate had to wear her number on her ‘kini’ (as Bean calls it). When Kate would come to check on her, Lauren would say ‘How’s it going, fifty-three?’ After the show, Bean looked at the trophies, which are shaped like a woman in a kini. Looking at the backside Bean giggled and said, ‘Look at her glutes!’

That’s not root beer! After the show Kate decided to soak in a nice hot bath. Until the spray tan turned the water shit-brittle-brown.

2011-03-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

What's Your Obsession?

I recently read that a “…common characteristic of autistic spectrum disorders is an attachment to particular objects.” (MD Junction) There is a host of theories as to why this is, and what the obsession with objects means for people with autism. I have found that there is a level of comfort that comes from having the objects in hand for Lauren. Her obsession has shifted away from High School Musical (thankfully) and toward the New York Yankees. Specifically she loves her collectable dolls. It started with a Mariano Rivera figurine. She would carry it around and show it to people, making sure they knew his name. One evening I caught our German Shepherd (named Yankee) chewing on Rivera. I was able to rescue him, but not before the dog had gnawed off his ball cap, leaving him scalped. I returned the doll to Bean and explained that he was still okay, though bald. To her it didn’t matter. He was dead to her.

For her last birthday she was given a Thurman Munson doll to go along with her Derek Jeter, Lou Gehrig and a pair of Babe Ruth figures. She also had an Alex Rodriguez doll, but he disappeared, presumably running away with Bean’s Cameron Diaz doll.

Last week Bean took Lou to church with her. After class all of the kids in her class filed out, showing their parents the pictures they had drawn of Jesus or Nephi or other scriptural people. When Lauren showed me her picture, there were no people, just the number 4, written over and over again. “What is that?” I asked. “It’s a four!” she proudly exclaimed “It’s Lou Gehrig.” She turned her doll over to show me the number four on his back.

She doesn’t just carry the figurines around, though. She sleeps with them in her bed. She also has a repetitive motion that she makes while holding one of the dolls. Holding the figure in front of her, almost like a sword, she will run a few paces, with her head down, and a strange hissing coming from her mouth. She then stops, whirls, and runs a few paces in the other direction. Back and forth she goes. This can go on for a long time. Kate and I have been curious as to what she is thinking. When asked, she replies “I’m just playing.”

The funny thing about the figures is that they were not meant to by handled. This is obvious, based on how fragile they are. Bean’s first Babe Ruth doll has now had three of his four appendages superglued back on. The fourth, his right arm, went missing. (This is the part where my father-in-law makes a Jim Abbott joke). I find it curious that she still loves the doll despite the missing extremity, though she rejected the bald Rivera doll. This last week Bean was doing her repetitive motion when she dropped the Babe on the hardwood floor, breaking off the last remaining piece, the head (insert father-in-law’s Ted Williams joke here). Fortunately Kate was able to glue the Babe’s noggin back on, and order was restored.

Eventually the Yankees obsession will wear off, and she will be on to the next big thing. Maybe it will be Star Wars or Lady Gaga. Who knows? The obsession doesn’t bother me, it seems to keep her balanced. But I am grateful that it isn’t the Red Sox…

2011-03-12T14:54:00.000-08:00

My Cause

I would like to take a minute to ask my faithful blog readers (and anyone else who stumbles across my blog) to support my cause. I am a Hometown Hero. While training for running events, we raise funds for cancer research and treatment at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Please go to my page and make a donation. Any amount would be greatly appreciated.

You may ask why I choose to support the Huntsman Cancer Institute. When I first signed on, it was simply because I thought it was a good cause. Two years ago when Kate got sick and we had to spend some time up there getting treatment, I felt a connection and decided that cancer affects us all at some point in our lives. My event is the Salt Lake City Marathon on April 16th. A blog post on that is still to come. In the mean time, please go to my page and make a donation. And if you know anyone who would like to help, please pass this along.

My page is at: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fhcf.kintera.org%2Fslcm%2Fdognamedfrog&h=b83e2

2011-02-25T10:16:00.000-08:00

Keeping up with the Bloggers

I am supposed to start this post with an apology. I am supposed to talk about how I have been too busy to blog and vow to be better at updates. But I'm not going to. I haven't forgotten about my blog and my loyal readers, I've just been too lazy. I am working on a post about my new job (which isn't really new, now that I've been there for six months) but you'll have to wait a little longer for it. In the mean time, enjoy some random funky pictures of the kids.

2010-12-27T12:29:00.000-08:00

Spreading Christmas Cheer

The month of December always seems to zoom right by. Between holiday shopping and Christmas parties, it seems that we are gone every night, and before we know it, Christmas is upon us. One of the best nights we had this year was at the kids' dance recital. I have included two videos: the first features dances by Patrick and Bean. The other is Samantha's three dances.

Whitney currently is not in a dance class. However, she did come to cheer on the other kids. Okay, she actually didn't want to be there, and fell asleep before the end of the recital. Anyway, the kids all did great, and set the tone for a great holiday season. Other things you might have noticed: for once, Patrick wore underwear, Bean wears boys' underwear, which is not compatible with girls' dance outfits, Bean is by far the oldest child in her class, so she is not just a giant.

2010-12-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

The Runaround

On April 16th, 2011 I will run the Salt Lake City Marathon. It will be the fifth time for me. My goal is to finish the marathon in less than 4 hours. Even if I finish at 3:59:59 I will be happy. To do this I need a minimum pace of 6.56 miles per hour, which sounds pretty easy as I sit here at my desk. To reach my goal I have employed a radical strategy: I am going to train. For real. I have once again joined the Huntsman Cancer Foundation’s Hometown Heroes program, which has a running coach who is helping us to reach our goals. Last December I started training for the marathon, and I was fat. There’s no nice way to say it. This year I started in August, and I am less fat than I was at this time last year, which gives me hope. As I have been training for real, here are some of my observations:

· Running on the street is better than treadmill running, for many reasons. The biggest one is that you are more motivated. When you’re four miles from home, you can’t quit.

· If you have to run on a treadmill, do it when The Biggest Loser is on one of the TVs. But not during sporting events. When watching football, when a running back would find a hole, I found that I would start running faster, crashing into the front of the treadmill.

· When I was a teenager I believed that it was funny to drive by people who were out running and either yell at them or splash them. Now I believe in Karma.

· People think that running is an inexpensive sport. They are wrong. Not only are running shoes expensive, but the cost mounts when you have to buy long running pants, sweatshirts and gloves and glucosamine. And don’t even get me started on how much I spend on band-aids for nipple protection…

· A hot shower is always nice, but it is even more so after running out in the cold for an hour or more.

· People comment to me about how much I love to run. I must be clear: I don’t ‘love’ to run. What I love is the feeling I get after the run.

· I could run without headphones and an iPod, but why would I want to?

· In addition to old staples like AC/DC’s ‘Thunderstruck’, Metallica’s ‘Seek and Destroy’ and Soundgarden’s ‘Rusty Cage’, I have found some new songs that are good for running, like Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’ (go ahead and laugh), The Dropkick Murphys’ ‘I’m Shipping up to Boston’ and The Street Dogs’ ‘Justifiable Fisticuffs’.

· No matter how much reflective gear you have, running outside after dark in Utah is a dangerous proposition.

· Cyclists look down on runners.

· Cyclists look down on pretty much everyone.

· With 13th east torn up for construction and 7th east torn up for construction, and the gulley blocking northern routes, I am limited to running to the south, which can get pretty boring.

· Inversions suck.

· My ears sweat a lot. I have killed three sets of earphones in three months.

Now that I am running consistently I sleep better and feel better. Though I don’t hit the weights like Kate does, I feel better knowing that the kids have two good examples for physical health. I have been keeping a log of times, distances, weights, etc. that I will post as we get closer to the marathon. If you would like to contribute to my fundraising efforts for The Huntsman Cancer Institute, please contact me. I would be appreciative of any help.

2010-11-19T14:08:00.001-08:00

'Rich' Man

Sunday night I attended a viewing for a friend of mine from childhood. On the way to the viewing I passed the neighborhood of my old friend Don Rich. I hadn’t spoken to Don in a while, and decided that if time permitted I would stop by on my way home. We encountered a large line at Rick’s viewing, and I didn’t have time to stop at Don’s house afterward. Monday night we celebrated Samantha and Whitney’s birthdays. During the party Kate made fun of Pat for her sweater selection, because it was so baggy on her. Later I learned that Pat had decided to wear that sweater on that day because it reminded her of him. He always commented on how much he loved it. While my house was full of people the phone rang. I saw that it was Don, and decided I wouldn’t answer. Some friend I am, huh? You see, Don has always been a talker. I never got off the phone with him in less than an hour, and I couldn’t leave the party to talk, while we were serving dinner. After the house cleared out I put the phone on speaker as I dialed the voice mail. I was surprised to hear Don’s sister’s voice on the message. When she informed me that Don had passed away, I literally jumped out of my chair.

I spread the word of Don’s passing with a handful of friends from the University and asked them to pass the message along. In the last few days I have heard from dozens of people, many of whom I have not spoken to in years. Don touched the lives of a lot of people in many ways.

I have known Don for the past 11 years, ever since I started working at University Hospital. As I have reminisced with people about the things that made Don unique, I have been struck by some of the recurring themes. Everyone always starts by talking about how kind Don was. He was a genuine man, kind and caring with everyone, even when he had been wronged. He always had a smile.

The other thing that comes up a lot is food. He loved to eat. We shared an office space for many years, and I quickly learned that the first priority in each day for him was what to do for lunch. I was always invited to join him, and usually declined, with the excuse that I was too busy. The real reason was that I couldn’t afford to eat out. He saw right through me. Don turned his nose up at my usual lunch fare (ramen noodles, canned soup, etc.) and insisted that I go with him. Each time he would say “It’s okay. I’ll pay this time.” I helped him with work items (he was technologically challenged) to work off some of the meals, but I still owe him several lunches. During this time he introduced me to some of the best lunch spots in Salt Lake:
· Palooka Grill (sadly, no longer there)
· Tony Caputo’s Deli
· Al Forno’s
· Rodizio Grill
· The Cinegrill

But of all the great spots we frequented, my favorite was the taco vendors in the Sears parking lot on State Street. We would get tacos for fifty cents each (one of the few places where I could foot the bill) and sit on the concrete wall eating and sipping ice cold Mt Dews.

The Mt Dews were another favorite of his. Each afternoon we would kick back and enjoy a cold one. I had a refrigerator under my desk, and we had a deal: I would keep the fridge secure and at a temperature just above freezing and he would keep it stocked with Mt. Dews. Sometimes he would come in with a box of See’s bridge mix, for which he knew I had a weakness.

He also loved a department pot luck lunch. For him it was an all day event. Whenever I would bring in homemade eggnog for the Christmas party he would get really excited. Yet he never drank it. He just liked to look at it. But when I made homemade salsa, he would literally drink it. His assignment for the pot luck lunches was always his ice cream. His Oreo ice cream was great, but nothing compared to his peach ice cream, which was made with peaches fresh off the tree in his back yard.

Don loved to laugh. Even when things got really bad with his health in recent times, he could always find humor. He had a hearty laugh that was infectious. His whole body would shake when he began to laugh. Once we were in a team meeting when one of our co-workers had an embarrassing situation present itself. I didn’t realize it until I heard Don snort. His eyes were watering because he was trying so hard to hold it back. I then had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing too. After the meeting he and I ran an errand and laughed so hard I thought that he was going to wreck his car.

He also liked bawdy humor, which is why we got along so well. Bathroom jokes were his favorite, and he used to repeat a story about a time when a friend advised him against using a bathroom because of the ‘evil spirits’ that were in there. From that time on I referred to him as the ‘evil spirit’. When he would call me I would answer by making a fart sound into the phone, which always made him laugh. We also referred to each other as ‘you bastard’, although I have no idea where that started or why. And I will refrain from some of the jokes of a sexual nature that used to have us rolling.

We played pranks on each other often. Since he had no technical skills I would wait until he would walk away from his computer without locking it, then I would place a picture of Slim Goodbody or Barney the purple dinosaur as his desktop background. He never figured out how to get rid of it. He was very proud of himself the day that he wrapped every item on my desk in gift paper, and again later when he did the same thing with tin foil. When unwrapping tin foil from every item, I started making a foil ball. The ball got so big that when I stuffed it in his overhead bin, it got jammed, and he couldn’t get it out.

But of all the pranks we played on each other, none was better than the pink panties. Again, I don’t know how it started, but we had a giant pair of lacy pink ladies undergarments that we would slip back and forth. Each time we would find a more embarrassing way to do it. Once I had his sister clip it to his dog’s collar so he would find it when he got home. Another time he came to work to find them draped over his monitor. After he started working at Primary Children’s I had a friend give them to him in front of his new co-workers. He once mailed them to Kate, who placed them on my pillow before bed. The last time he gave them to me he took Tootsie Rolls and smashed them to the inside, making the panties look defiled. I have been thinking of the next way to pass them back to him. If I have my way, they will be buried with him (not wearing them, but in an envelope in the casket.)

Though I didn’t talk to Don much in recent times, I miss my friend. He was there for me in some of my most difficult times. Recently I skipped school one night and stopped at his house because I had a lot on my mind. We went to Marie Calendar’s (another of his favorites) and talked over dinner. He never told me what to think or what to do. He would just listen to me. I will miss his distinct mannerisms. I will miss his rugby shirts. I will miss his stories about his dog. I will miss the long phone messages. I will miss being able to reminisce about the fun times we had in admitting. I will miss my friend. Now I am going to get some bridge mix and prop my feet up while sipping an ice cold Mt. Dew.

2010-11-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

All Kinds of 'Football'

Halloween marked the end of the Fall soccer season for Samantha and Bean. Samantha is now playing soccer at an older age than any of my other kids, and the game is changing quite a bit. They now have an inspection of players by officials before each game. They are very stringent on the rules. And the coach takes the whole thing quite seriously. That is why I am an assistant coach, and not a head coach. My role on the team is more the equivalent of a defensive coordinator. I spend most of game time on the defensive end, telling the girls where to be and when. Samantha didn't score any goals this year, but that is not indicative of her skills. She had a lot of assists, and has a nose for the game.

Bean did score one goal this year. It has been a joy to watch her grow. At the start of her first season she stood around, not quite sure what to do. Every now and again she would accidentally make contact with the ball, which excited her. By the end of the season she was playing quite well, and figuring the game out. And after scoring her goal she ran over to me an exclaimed "I told you I could do it!"

The other football that we've been enjoying this year is the Utah Utes. In their farewell tour of the Mountain West Conference, they have done well. That is, they were doing well until Saturday, when they were trounced by TCU. But it's like my old Grandma used to say 'You win some, you get embarrassed in some...' Anyway, with the Utes ranked in the top 10 facing 3rd ranked TCU, ESPN's College Game Day came to town, so I took the kids up to the stadium for the party. And a good time was had by all, until kickoff.

While Samantha and Bean have been playing soccer, Patrick has been playing tonsil hockey. Okay, not really, but I needed a sports theme to help me with my transition. In May Patrick had to take antibiotics for an abcess in the back of his throat, that we at first thought was strep throat. This past week it happened again. Only this time, it was worse, and after the first bout of meds (by shot in his leg) the abcess got even bigger. The doctor was worried about it closing his airway, so we ended up in the emergency room at Primary Children's Medical Center. The ENT doc performed a minor procedure right there, draining the abcess and cutting it open to be exposed to the antibiotics. Fortunately Patrick is on the mend, but will soon need his tonsils out.

2010-10-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

A Return to the 'Cavins'

Last Friday my staff showered me with gifts for Boss' Day. Considering that they have not worked for me very long, and how well they treated me on that day, either I am doing something right, or they haven't figured out how big of a jerk I really am. One of the gifts was a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew witha picture of me in my very own pinstripes. I was also given a bag of Chocolate Overdose Cookies, (chocolate-dipped Oreos) and two dozen doughnuts. For lunch we went out to Caputo's. They're trying to fatten me up, and it's working...

During the celebration Kate called me to let me know that Pat was planning on booking the cabins at the Camperworld near the Nebo loop and asked if I wanted to take the kids. Kate couldn't join us, as she had to work her new job the next morning, but I decided to go, so we could have one last outing before the snow falls.

I arrived at the cabins to find that Pat and Drew ditched us, so it was just us and the McCartys. Being mid October, it was a bit nipply out (did I say nipple?). Fortunately Scott had plenty of wood, and we made a rip-roaring fire. As per tradition, we made Navajo Tacos for dinner and scones for dessert. And for second dessert we made s'mores. After the kids went to bed I had third dessert, which consisted of Chocolate Overdose Cookies and Mountain Dew...

Hey, Whit...your marshmallow is, uh, on fi...oh nevermind...

The next morning we cruised the Nebo loop, stopping at 'Mini-Bryce Canyon', and stopping on the pass to get some pics of Nebo and the changing leaves. It was a short trip, but I am glad we went.

I think the kids had a little too much sugar on the trip, though. Saturday night the Tooth Fairy killed three birds with one stone at our house, when Patrick, Samantha and Bean all lost teeth in the same day. For Bean it was her first.

2010-10-10T12:06:00.001-07:00

Yankee Doodles

Kate sent me a text message, asking if I thought that between the two of us we could manage to coach Bean’s tee ball team. She would coach the Tuesday night games while I was at Samantha’s soccer practice (I am the assistant coach) and I would coach the Saturday afternoon games while she was at work. That night she attended the coaches team meeting, after which she sent me another text: We’re coaching the Yankees. I asked her if she coerced the director in to giving her the Bronx Bombers, or if we just happened to get assigned her favorite team. She maintains that she just took what was given her…

When I told Chas about this he quipped that our team was probably stacked with all of the prima donnas in the league. By the end of the season I was ready to agree.

The season only lasted five weeks, and yesterday was the last game. This means, of course, that Lauren got another trophy. She set up a table in her room and placed her collection on it. ‘It’s my trophy case.’ She explained. ‘And when it’s full I will be the champion.’ To which I replied ‘You’ll always be a champion in my book, Bean.’

2010-10-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

Photobombed!

Recently we attended St. Mark's Hospital's end of summer party. The event had a western theme. Patrick and I took a break from riding the mechanical bull to get our pictures taken with John Wayne. P-Man got his picture done first, and you will not be shocked to note that he wasn't wearing any shoes. He didn't take them off to add to the authenticity of the photo. He didn't bring them.

Next, I stepped in to get a pic with him. Last week when Kate picked up the copies of the picture, we were surprised to find that someone else was featured in our photo...

We have no idea who she is, but I'm sure we didn't get her 'good' side.

This photobomber picture reminded me of another picture of me with my son that featured an unexpected guest...

2010-09-25T12:42:00.001-07:00

I Play Dirty!

No, I am not referencing my basketball play, though my title applies there too. This morning I participated in the first Dirty Dash at Soldier Hollow ski resort. The Dirty Dash is a 10K, but no ordinary 10K. It’s more of an obstacle course for adults. Shortly after crossing the start line we were sprayed with a fire hose as we ascended the first hill. At 9AM on a Saturday morning in September, that will wake you up.

After getting soaked by that, we ran for a mile before we encountered a snow-making machine that sprayed icy cold water at us at hurricane speeds. The next part of the course is called ‘The Roller Coaster’ for reasons I don’t need to explain. Most of the uphill running was at the beginning of the race, which is a good thing. On the way down the hill we encountered a series of hay bales. I hurdled the first one easily enough, but misjudged the second. I had to step on top of it before jumping down. On the third row only my toe caught the bale. My leg collapsed and I landed on my shoulder on top of the bale. My legs flew over it, and I quickly found myself back on my feet, never missing a step.

We also encountered some giant tubes, which we had to crawl through. And of course no course would be complete without walls to scale. The ground leading up to the walls was soaked, and we sloshed through the mud to get to them before helping each other over. Further on down the course we had to run through a series of tires. I learned the hard way that you shouldn’t pass someone who is going too slow through the tires.

At one point we had to run out through a marsh and the ‘natural’ mud. People were walking through this area, because each step came with the threat of a lost shoe. (The girl I saw running with no shoes probably didn’t have this problem) But I found that if I kept running I was less likely to get bogged down.

Near the end we ran past the spectators, who could buy water balloons (proceeds donated to a local charity) and throw them at us. I only got hit by one balloon, thrown by a ten year old boy who got me right in the face.

The second to last obstacle was a giant inflatable water slide. It had five lanes, and we were doused with another fire hose as we went down. The woman in front of me was halfway down when I started, so I figured I wouldn’t hit her. I got a running start and shot down head first. The woman had stopped near the bottom, and I plowed into her. I won’t go into the details of what happened, but let’s just say I could get arrested for that I did to her. We might even be considered married after that.

After the water slide we ran down the hill and into the mud pit. Flags had been draped over it, and we had to crawl on our hands and knees to get across to the finish line.My time for the race was 70 minutes, 20 minutes slower than my usual 10K time. But really, I wasn’t concerned about the time. I just went for the fun, and there was a lot to be had. Next year I am going to get a team together to run it. Our team name will be the ‘Dirty Mudder Huggers'. Are you in?

The arrival of the ambulances before the run was a bit ominous...

2010-09-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Are You Yellow?

Over the Labor Day weekend I took the kids to visit my Grandmother in Rexburg, Idaho. We usually head up Friday night, find activities for the kids on Saturday and have a big barbecue (in the garage, due to rain) on Sunday afternoon. I thought about the fact that my kids had been so close to Yellowstone National Park so many times but had never been. So I decided to spend the day in the park on Saturday.

We drove up through Island Park and entered Yellowstone through the West gate. Since I was driving I put Whitney in charge of taking pictures. That decision yielded interesting results. As we approached the area of natural activity, the kids noted the steam rising from the geysers and thought the park was on fire. "Not this year." I replied.

My number one priority was seeing Old Faithful. Since it was a holiday weekend, there were plenty of other people who had the same idea. We timed it just right and got there 20 minutes before an eruption.

This was the best picture Whitney got of Old Faithful...

After Old Faithful I made for Mud Volcano. I had never heard of it before, and wanted to know what a 'mud volcano' was. I had my own ideas of what that means. The kids spent the whole time there walking around plugging their noses because of the 'rotten egg fart' smell.

After the Mud Volcano it was getting late, so I turned South again and made for Grandma's. Since the pass I bought for Yellowstone was good for Grand Teton National Park, I decided to drive through.

After passing the Grand Tetons we found ourselves in Jackson, Wyoming before cutting across back into Idaho. I found myself passing through tiny little towns like Victor and Driggs before returning to Rexburg. It was a lot of driving for one day. We left the hotel in Idaho Falls a little after 7AM and didn't get to Grandma's until almost 8PM. But I am really glad I took the kids. It was something I wanted them to see. I think next year I will leave a day early, and drive to Rapid City to see Mt. Rushmore, then up to Devil's Tower, Wyoming before heading back to Grandma's. Okay, maybe I'm not quite that ambitious.

Oh, and just so you know, we didn't have our barbecue in the garage due to rain this year. We had it in the garage due to high winds.

2010-08-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

Buy Me Some Peanuts and Cracker Jacks...

Before I get in to this post, I have a couple of things to address. First, I have been chastised again for not posting more often. Now that I don't have the excuse of school, I need to be better about posting. Second, many have asked about Omnibot, and why he has been on hiatus so long. He and Paris will be back soon...

Last week we celebrated Lauren's birthday. That's right, the last Shirley kid, the one we almost lost, who was so tiny she had to have her first photos done with a feeding tube, just turned five. Time certainly does fly. It's hard to believe that she went from this...

To this. What a sweetheart.

A few days before the party we attended a Bees game. She loves baseball, but had never been to a game. It was The University of Utah staff night at the game, and as a member of the Staff Council that sponsored the evening, I was able to secure some great seats down the third base line, right in front of the visitor's bull pen.

During the game, the U's mascot, Swoop stopped by our section to throw out freebies and play with the kids. I was wearing my feather-and-drum Utah cap, so he took it and signed it. Seeing that my cap was signed, Bean asked if he would sign her cap. The problem is, Swoop is not a Yankees fan. But he graciously took her cap, signed it, and under the bill wrote 'Go Sox!' I guess no one's perfect...

Kate went all out on the food for Bean's party. Of course the cupcakes were homemade, and she even found an improvement to her frosting.

It was decided that since Lauren wanted a baseball party that we would do 'ballpark' food. We grilled hot dogs, served Churros, giant pretzels, peanuts, Cracker Jacks and Nachos. The only thing missing was over-priced beer. But we did serve bottled sodas. It was the best party food ever. After singing 'Happy Birthday' we all joined in singing 'Take me out to the ballgame'.

Of course, it wouldn't be a Shirley party without a pinata. And the kids patiently awaited the deluge of candy.

And of course, once the pinata broke open, a donnybrook ensued. A bench-clearing brawl between the Cardinals and Reds seemed tame in comparison...

Bean loved all her presents, especially the Thurman Munson and A-Rod figures that Grandpa Stretch gave her. But the best thing about this picture is the photo-bomber. Thanks, Mom...

By the end of the party, everyone was worn out, especially the birthday girl. Happy Birthday, Beanie-Weenie-Dora-Deenie!

2010-08-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

Parades, Peppers and Pussycats

Last Staurday I took the kids to participate in the annual Pioneer Day parade. We sat in our usual spot, at the intersection of 4th South and 2nd East. The difference this year is that the kids spent most of the time complaining about how hot it was, so we ended up leaving early. Nevetheless, we had a good time.

Drew was so excited by the tinsel and toiletpaper of the floats that he completely passed out...

Whitney was less than impressed with Grandpa Stretch's choice of attire...

For the second year in a row my garden has yielded less than stellar results. I know that we still have time, but so far we haven't seen a lot of production. In addition to losing most of my peaches and pears to some bug, the tomatoes have not started to form. The three pumpkin vines I planted have produced a grand total of three pumpkins. And I don't have a corn stalk that is taller than 3 feet. But all is not lost. The pepper plants have gone gangbusters as of late. So I may have to use store bought tomatoes, but we will have salsa this year, and some of Kate's amazing pepper jelly.

Does this make you uncomfortable?

Since Froggy died last year we have added two dogs: Blossom and Yankee. We also have Blackie (a hamster), our all-white cat Al (short for Albino, even though he's not really an albino) and Eddie (a cat who actually lives across the street because he hates the dogs.) So a few weeks ago when Pat rescued a stray cat and her litter of kittens, I didn't think that we would be taking in any more animals. However, Kate and the kids fell in love with the kittens, and we now have two new fluffy kitties living in our house.

Kate wanted to name the kittens 'Lou' and 'Joe' after Yankee legends Lou Gehrig (Bean's favorite) and Joe DiMaggio. However, the kids decided that while 'Joe' was good, they would rather name the other 'Marilyn', since it is a female, thus pairing Joe with Marilyn Monroe.

The dogs are a little bitter about not having free range of the house anymore, but they'll get over it. Or they won't. But the kittens stay.

Look at those cute little faces. Is there any doubt they're plotting to murder us all in our sleep?

2010-07-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

'Sue' Me

Recently Kate and I began watching 'Glee'. I can understand why you would laugh at me for watching. It is a lot different from the TV shows I usually watch (Ice Road Truckers, Breaking Bad). But I find the show quite amusing. My favorite character is Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch). The show may not be about her per se, but she always manages to steal every scene. She delivers some of the best lines, such as (when yelling at her cheerleading squad) "You think this is hard? I'm passing a gallstone as I speak! That's hard!"

I think Sue is Kate's favorite character too, as evidenced by the outfits she bought Samantha and Bean today. Yes, the first thing that went through my head when I saw the track suits was an image of Sue, in her track suit, walking on a treadmill while addressing Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison):

Sue: Want an iron tablet? They keep your strength up when you're menstruating.

Will: I don't menstruate.

Sue: Neither do I.

Of course, I hope that Bean and Samantha don't idolize Sue too much. After all, I don't want Bean telling Samantha "Don't mess with me. I will kick you right in the taco."

2010-07-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

'And This One Time, at Girl's Camp...'

When Whitney was just a toddler, Kate was called to help with girl’s camp. This was a challenge, as Kate is someone who does not camp. Kate’s job was to coordinate the meals for the week. So I tagged along for the camp trip. I was expecting an experience similar to what I knew of scout camp. I was wrong. Ten years later I returned to girl’s camp. This year was Whitney’s first year, and I decided to go along, because I was concerned about how she would get along. As a Priesthood holder, my only duty was to be there in case of emergency. Our good friend Francie joked that I would be bored out of my mind while there. There wasn’t a whole lot to do, so I made a list of things that I learned about girl’s camp:
- A song can break out at any moment.
- At scout camp, the discovery of a dead animal is a call to poke it with a stick. At girl’s camp it is a call for a proper burial.
- Girls may look sweet and innocent, but they can be really mean to each other.
- Each camp table was equipped with a bottle of hand sanitizer. All of them were completely used up by the end of the second day.
- During arts and crafts time I am as useless as tits on a boar.
- The bishop doesn’t appreciate the term ‘tits on a boar’.
- The girls do a hell of a lot of arts and crafts.
- I was told to bring something along to pass the time. Then I got in trouble for watching Goodfellas on my iPod.
- Not only is there running water at girl’s camp, the bathroom is stocked with hand sanitizer, lotion and a basket filled with neatly folded paper towels. Every time I went to pee I wondered if I should leave a tip.
- Unlike scout camp, I cannot pee where I please.
- When your daughter makes you a pink tie-dyed t-shirt for camp, you can’t use the word ‘gay’, even if you’re joking.
- The girls actually pack all garbage out to a dumpster. Seriously? Do they not know that everything burns?
- At scout camp, a fly in the food signifies a little extra protein in the meal. At girl’s camp, it means you scrap the whole meal and go to the backup meal.

All joking aside, it was a good time. The reason I was concerned about Whitney was because of her fear of the outdoors. When she was little, Kate and I took her camping down at Timpanogos. A heavy thunder storm rolled in the last night, and scared the crap out of her. After that, for about a year, each time she went outside, she would stop and use her fingers to scrape the bottoms of her shoes before crossing the threshold. She would then walk with one hand over her head and the other across her belly until she was back inside again. Even now she rarely goes outside, and even jumps up to slam the door if anyone leaves it open. It is as if she fears the outside coming inside.

I only stayed the day on Thursday. I arrived early to oversee the hike (which is more of a nature walk than a hike). After watching how well Whitney was doing I decided that it was best for me to leave her with her friends and leaders and fly on her own. She was very excited for the archery and zip line they were to do this morning. I am sure that she will be filthy dirty and happy as a clam when she gets home tomorrow.

I was told that the night before I arrived the girls had banana boats for dessert. She told all of the girls that they needed to thank me, as it was my recipe. Of course, I took the credit. I already know that I am probably going to have to go for the duration next year. Whitney told the camp director that I am a great dutch oven cook, and that I would be happy to make all of the desserts for camp next year. And she was right.

2010-07-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

Hey baby, can you bleed like me?

One night when I was 18 years old I found myself sitting around watching TV (as 18 year olds tend to do) when my Dad walked in and told me that he was going to a stake blood drive. He asked if I wanted to go. I didn't, but went anyway. That was 16 years ago. Today I went down to donate a pint and found out that it was my 50th. That only averages out to about 3 pints a year (you can donate up to six pints of whole blood in a year) and I am about 100 pints behind my Dad, but I think it's not too bad. Especially considering there was a year that I didn't make a single whole blood donation because I was donating (selling) my plasma (starving students will do just about anything to survive). I just hope that if I am ever in a major trauma, the medical staff look at the marks in my elbows and know how much I have given, and decide to give back...

2010-07-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Pull up a Chair and Sit on the Floor...

While I was in school the list of things that I decided to do after graduation got quite long. Now that I am really done I have had the time to do some of them. With camping season upon us, I decided that I was going to make some camp chairs for all of the kids. We made a chair for Whitney a few years ago, so I used hers as the template for the rest.

The design of the chairs is one that I was introduced to when I was a scout and my Dad made chairs for everyone in the troop. We decorated our chairs (mine, of course had the old Jazz logo) and they became the pride of the troop.

When I made these chairs for my kids, I had some fun with them, as you can see. Patrick's, of course, has a block 'U' at the top, which was a little tricky. The thickness of the wood posed a major challenge for my little jigsaw. Samantha wanted flowers on hers, so I used a 1/4" drill bit for the center and the petals, again using the kigsaw to point the petals toward the center. Bean wanted a Spongebob chair, which was beyond my capabilities, so I just let her paint the sponge onto the wood.

Before the girls painted their chairs I gave each a coat of polyurethane. When I did this I discovered a beautiful rich wood grain in Bean's chair. I thought it was a shame to cover it up with paint, and thought about talking her out of a paint job. But in the end, it's her chair, and whatever she thinks looks the best will be perfect. And it turned out well.

As good as the camp chairs look, I think this looks better...

P.S. I am posting this picture of Yankee, who patrols the neighborhood from her perch, right underneath her flag...

2010-06-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

Getting a Leg Up

I’ve decided that whenever you walk in to an emergency room with an injured spouse or child, and the ER doc looks at the injury and says to you “Would you knock it off?” it’s a good thing. That means that he or she doesn’t really think that you hurt your loved one. It’s when they don’t joke around with you that you need to worry. An ER doc said those exact words to me last night when I took Kate in to be seen.

It was the second Saturday in a row that we spent the evening in the emergency room. The previous Friday night, as Kate was preparing food for work the next day she stopped and asked me if her knee looked swollen. It was a silly question, as the knee was huge. She said that she did not know how or if she injured it, but that it had been bothering her all day.

The next day she worked a 12 hour shift on the bad knee, which made things worse. By the time she got home, everything from the knee down looked as though it would pop. We went to the ER and they ran a bunch of tests and even tried to drain the knee. But there was nothing to drain, and the tapping of the knee just hurt her even worse.

Kate spent the week with the leg elevated and iced. But by Friday night the swelling hadn’t gone down, and she had started to bruise. By the time she finished her 12 hour shift yesterday she could barely walk. I took her in again last night after her co-workers had convinced her to get seen, claiming that she might have a pulmonary embolism. The good news and bad news is that they found nothing in the ER last night after x-rays, ultrasounds and EKGs. They gave her some pain meds and told her to keep off of it until she could get in to see a vascular surgeon.

I will post once we know more. Hopefully it is some kind of infection that is easily treated. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that it is not related to her health problems from last year or that it is something that will require surgery. Right now we’re just hoping for some answers.

2010-06-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

Summertime Dances

All four children participated in a dance performance last Monday night. Before you watch the videos, there are some things you need to know:
-No, the 'camera man' does not have Parkinson's. He had a rough day at work, hadn't eaten, and his hands were shaking. Please hold snide comments.
-I will not tolerate any 'Napoleon Dynamite' comments about Whitney's performance.
-Bean is not a giant. She is just older than the other girls in her class.
-We have no affiliation with Jake and Elsmore. I just thought the Blues Brothers bit was cool, so I included it.

2010-06-03T15:32:00.001-07:00

Dancing and the Water

Patrick, Samantha and Bean all had professional pictures taken for their upcoming dance recital. I have only posted my favorites here. There were many. I will post video of the recital once it is over.

Last week Patrick participated in his first rain gutter regatta for Cub Scouts. He decided he wanted to make his boat a 'Utah Utes' boat. I told him he could do that, but explained that placing a Utes logo on the boat meant that he had to win or else I wouldn't let him come home.

We arrived at the event to find another boy decorated his boat with a BYU logo. I then decided that he didn't need to win it all, as long as he beat the BYU boat, which he did. During the event the boys began to refer to Patrick's ship as 'the U boat'.

The event brought back good memories for me. My cub pack never did the regatta, but we always did the pinewood derby, which Patrick will have later this year. For the pinewood derby I never won, but I always had the best looking car. It's was a testament to my old man's woodworking skills. I suggested to the scout leader that we have the boys race their cars first, then let the dads race their cars. I hope they go for that. Otherwise Patrick might have a really cool looking car that won't win...

2010-05-16T09:51:00.001-07:00

Spring Things

It has been quite more than a month since my last blog post. But I’ve had a good excuse.
This Spring Bean has been playing tee-ball again. She was placed on the Phillies. I guess if you’re going to be placed in the National League, the Phillies are a good team to be on. At least it wasn’t the Mets.

One of the players on Bean’s team did something that reminded me of my brother Chas. She stood in the infield with her baseball glove on her head, and her hat in her hand. Awesome.
Starting in August Bean will be playing soccer. Speaking of soccer, Samantha has been playing AYSO again. Her last game of the season was yesterday, and her team, the ‘Bears’ went undefeated. She has become quite an aggressive player, and has decided that she wants to continue in the fall.

Samantha also had a dance competition yesterday, and one the previous Saturday. I didn’t get footage this time, but Kate did get some pictures. All four kids are taking dance, and will have a show coming up pretty soon. Whitney is the only dancer in her class, so it might be a solo. Patrick’s class has been practicing a dance that I am pretty excited about. I don’t want to give anything away, but it’s going to be a thrilling performance. I will have video of it for sure.

Patrick has had an exciting Spring. On May first, his dog, Yankee turned one year old. On that same day Patrick turned 8. Also on that day I was able to take Patrick down into the water and baptize him. I was grateful for the opportunity. It was a great day. My dad gave him his own set of scriptures. Kate and I also got him a Red Ryder BB gun. Not sure if that was such a good idea; the jury is still out.

In addition to being baptized, Patrick started Cub Scouts. At his first meeting they made and flew kites. Fortunately the snow (it is May in Utah, afterall) held off until after the activity. Next week is the raingutter regatta. He and I are working together to come up with a really good boat. I can't wait for the pinewood derby.

Spring has also been very busy for me. The project I am working on at the University is in full swing, and we are putting in a lot of hours. On top of that I had this crazy idea that I would run the Salt Lake City Marathon. With all of the things that have been going on, I thought that I should maybe back out. But I told too many people that I was going to run, so pride forced me to participate. Plus, I actually trained this year, so I went for it. I did really well on the first half, in just a hair under 2 hours. But at mile 17 I ran into some problems that slowed me down, and my time was a dismal 4:30. Oh, well. As Jazz fans are used to saying: Maybe next year it will be better.

Despite the disappointment of the marathon I do have something to hang my hat on. On May 7th I walked with my cohorts, graduating with a Master’s Degree in Public Administration. Not only did I graduate, but I did so as a member of Pi Alpha Alpha, the honors society of Public Administration. Not bad, if I do say so myself. Most of the people in my program take seven semesters to finish, which means two classes per semester. I finished in five, having taken three classes in the Spring and Fall last year, and four in the summer. While it was a heavy load, I am glad I was able to finish early. It took its toll, and I am glad to have that burden off my back.
At commencement, former Utah governor and Ambassador to China Jon Huntsman Jr. spoke. He gave a great speech, although it wasn’t quite as good as the speech given when I receive my undergrad. That was given by some guy named Thomas S. Monson.

I don’t mean to ignore Whitney in all my ramblings. She has been doing well. She is working on a major project for school that is about Chile. I will post an update once it is complete.

Schoool's out for summer! Schoools out forever!

2010-04-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

Thankth Eathter Bunny...

I have decided that I don’t like when Easter Sunday and LDS General Conference fall on the same day. The reason is this: On Conference Sunday Grandpa Stretch makes a full turkey dinner. I generally don’t eat anything that morning, saving plenty of room for the feast. But when conference is on Easter, we are inundated with candy. Robin’s Eggs, Cadbury Mini-Eggs, Chocolate Bunnies and Dove Dark Chocolates among many others appear faster than real bunny rabbits can multiply. I find myself loading up with sugar all morning, which impedes my ability to gorge on extra helpings of turkey, stuffing and sweet potatoes. Oh well, I guess sacrifices must be made. Anyway, I have attached a video of the Shirley kids searching for the eggs that the Easter Bunny hid. You might wonder why I make such a big deal about finding all of the eggs. The reason is that this year for the first time, real eggs were hidden, instead of plastic ones. If one was missed, we might be in for a stinky surprise in the next couple of weeks…

Kate had to work, so we made a trip in to show her what the Easter Bunny brought the kids. I have now recovered from my turkey-induced coma, and will soon be slipping back into a sugar-induced coma...

2010-03-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

Teeth, Toilet Talk, Trajectories and Top Form

This morning I received the following text from Kate: She doesn’t know when it fell out, but her tooth is gone. Maybe I need to be checking poop. Samantha has had a front tooth that has been hanging by the roots for a week that she wouldn’t let us touch. She must have swallowed it last night in her sleep. I told Kate that we will leave the searching for the tooth to the tooth fairy, who I am sure will still leave some money for Samantha tonight…

Last week Patrick got himself in trouble for using language that is not appropriate for a soon to be eight year old. The first note I found (both were written on pieces of [unused] toilet paper)was written by Samantha:

In case you can’t read it, it says ‘Whitney is stoopid. So is Patrick.’

Before I could reprimand her for this, I was presented with a note written by Patrick.

Translation: ‘You are a bich You came from hell The girls came from hell.’

While he may be right, I don’t approve of him using the word ‘hell’ in this context. Oh, and ‘bitch’ too…

Whitney is getting old enough that some of her school projects are fun. This week she was to design and build a catapult. Much like the Pinewood Derby cars from my youth, the catapult was designed by Whit and executed by her father. Although she did take care of the paint job (like I did with my cars). There will be a competition this week at school, where one lucky student will have his or her catapult represented at the University of Utah against other schools. I think Whit has a shot. She has to be able to hit a pie tin suspended six feet above the ground and twelve feet away.

Today I have received several messages from people who saw pictures of Kate in a bikini on Facebook wondering why they were not told about the figure competition she competed in last Saturday. Sorry, maybe next time. I have attached a video that shows her progress. This has been a major event. She has been preparing for more than 18 months. I am very proud of her. She did a great job. And yes, the spray tan does wash off…

The ladies’ competiton was first, for which I am grateful. We didn’t stay for the men’s portion of the show. But we did get to see Dennis Wolf, who, I found out, is a former Mr. Olympia contestant and one hell of a large man. He was brought in as a guest ‘poser’. So I have included some pictures of him, if that’s your thing…

2010-03-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

Singing, Safety and Sweating

Last week Kate went to see Patrick sing in the Altara 2nd grade program. The theme was “Everyone smiles in the same language”. I asked Patrick if he felt bad that I wouldn’t be able to attend. His response: “What kind of a kid would be mad that his dad had to work and couldn’t come to see singing?” That made me feel a little better about missing it.

His enthusiasm is overwhelming...

Saturday we took the kids to the Safety Fair at the Southtowne Expo Center. The highlight of the day for me was watching two women almost get into a fist fight. We had waited for nearly half an hour in line so the kids could get their faces painted. While waiting for one of the artists to finish with Whitney, we saw a woman walk up, right past the entire line of people waiting, and plop her kid in the chair for a face paint. The woman who was next in line, and whose child should have had the open seat, got really upset, and an unpleasant exchange of words ensued. The best part about it was that the woman who had jumped the line, after apologizing for doing so, left her kid in the chair for the face paint.

Which of the two creeps you out more: the guy in the bow tie who makes balloon animals, or the guy walking around dressed as a crash test dummy?

Not everyone wanted a face painting...

The kids also got to sit in a small helicopter and play with the controls. While waiting in line, I saw a child get tangled in a cord while getting out of the helicopter, falling on his face. The irony of something like that happening at a safety fair rather amuses me.

Last April, after completing the Salt Lake Half Marathon I decided that I wanted to complete the whole marathon in less than 4 hours. In order to do so I had to admit that I have to train for it, instead of just showing up and running like I usually do. The race is on April 17th this year, and I am putting it out there so everyone knows, and I will actually do it. I have been training over the last few months, and I think that I might actually be ready. I have been running 3-4 times a week and I am to the point that I go a minimum of 7 miles when running. I have also been able to complete my runs without walking breaks, something that I had never been able to do before. I have also lost more than 30 pounds, which is good, because my sedentary lifestyle was making me rather fat. It’s hard to admit, really, but I have to say that at almost 34 years of age I am in the best physical shape of my life. I also have to thank some good friends for helping me to get through my runs: Jerry Cantrell, Scott Weiland, Dave Matthews, Chris Cornell, David Gilmour, James Hetfield and Maynard James Keenan.

2010-02-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

Peace, Love and Dopey Hair

Last week our local elementary school celebrated Red Ribbon Week, encouraging the kids to stay away from drugs. Each day students were asked to participate in events that were related to anti-drug themes. One day they were told to wear red. On another they wore their clothes inside out. One of the last events was 'crazy hair day'. Kate did a great job of wild hair for the Shirley kids. I dyed Patrick's hair red the night before (he wanted red for the Utes, of course). But he was disappointed that most of the red washed out. I guess we didn't leave it in long enough. So Kate dyed his hair green like the girls'.

It's been more than a week since then, and the green has remained. You can't see it in Patrick as much, but Whit and Samantha are pretty pronounced. I didn't think anyone would say anything until we got to church on Sunday. Several people made comments about 'early St. Patrick's Day' and someone even made a suggestion in jest that the hair was green because it hadn't been washed in a year and was rotting.

Kate also conducted the annual ritual of decorating Valentine's Day boxes. As you can see, the kids went all out and did a great job. Patrick used a shoe box from a pair of running shoes I bought last week. I joked with him about how he would still need a bigger box for all the cards and candies the girlies would give him. Turns out I was right... The kids came home with a great haul of candy to give to their papa.

2010-02-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hoopin' It Up

Last Satruday the University of Utah Staff Council (of which I am a member) sponsored a staff day at the U Women's Basketball game against BYU. Since tickets were free, and I am incredibly cheap, I decided to take the kids to the game.

We were allowed to sit anywhere we wanted, considering the Jon M. Huntsman Center wasn't exactly sold out. I opted to sit at the top of the bowl, since Bean was freaked out by loud noises. She kept her coat on, and any time she heard the buzzer or a crowd noise she pulled her hood over her ears.

After the first half I decided to move down, as I spotted a place on the 10th row. We ended up leaving early because Bean was uncomfortable. I think her discomfort came not from the noise, but from the fact that the Utes were getting crushed by BYU.

2010-01-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

Quite Puzzling

Whitney's new hobby is assembling jigsaw puzzles. For Christmas she was given one of Yankee Stadium and one of the Las Vegas strip. She took a couple of weeks putting the Yankees puzzle together, but became obsessed with the Vegas puzzle, and roped me into helping her with it. We put it together in one day. These puzzles are 500 pieces. But now she has started on an Empire Strikes Back puzzle of 1,500 pieces. It should at least take her three days, right?

You can see that we are missing one piece of the Vegas puzzle, right in the middle of Treasure Island. I offered a $100 reward to anyone who could find it, thinking that it was lost for good. I'm glad that Kate found it, instead of one of the kids.

Whitney has also instituted Friday Family Movie Night at our house, something that we've never done before. Since she started it she got to pick the first movie. She chose Race to Witch Mountain, wihch wasn't horrible. This week is Patrick's turn to pick. He confided in me that he had chosen the Simpson's Movie. I'm glad he did, so I could steer him toward something a little less crass. I can't wait until it's my turn to choose the movie. I'm sure the kids will love Fargo...

2010-01-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

Leading the Way

Yesterday Samantha was given the Lead the Way Award at school, the first time she has received this honor for "Being a great student and a good friend". We're very proud of her and look forward to many more.

2010-01-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

Portrait(s) of an Artist as a Young Girl

Bean’s latest obsession is taking pictures. However, her range is very narrow. For the most part she only likes to take pictures of herself. I have posted some of my favorites here. Let me know which is your favorite.

#2.

#3.

#4.

#5.

#6.

#7.

#8.

#9.

#10.

#11.

#12.

#13. Okay, this isn't a picture of Bean, but I included it to show that she has become somewhat of a photobomber, and we must be careful...

#14. This will be Chas' favorite picture, as it is not only a picture of her foot, but of her New York Yankees Crocs.

2009-12-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

The Dancing Sugarplums

Last Monday we attended the kids' winter dance recital. There are a few things you need to know before you watch the following videos:
1. Bean is quite a bit older than the other girl in her class. She is not just a giant.
2. Yes, Patrick does wear underwear.
3. Whitney is in a dance class, but they decided her class wouldn't perform in this recital. So she got to fill the role of cheerleader this time.
4. The video of Samantha is not posted here because Blogger is not being nice. I will keep trying.
5. I would like for you to see these videos in full screen, but in order to do that I have to go through YouTube, which wouldn't allow me to post the videos with sound because of copyright laws. If you want to see all of them in full screen, sans sound, go here: My Videos

Go ahead and dance along with Patrick. I know you will want to.

Go Ninjas! Go Ninjas! Go!

On Christmas Eve, Whitney, Patrick and Samantha decorated cookies for Santa Claus.

Bean didn't want anything to do with it...

...at first.

Santa was so lucky to get the opportunity to eat those generous gobs of lard frosting. He had a bit of a stomach ache when he went to bed...

But the kids must have been good, because they got what they asked for.

And one night after Santa slipped in to deliver presents, the Tooth Fairy had to pay a visit.

2009-12-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

A Night With the Family

Three weeks ago I received a call from a member of the ward who is responsible for coordinating family home evening for the retired residents of the Silver Pines Senior Community around the corner from us. Our family had conducted family home evening for these people several years ago, and it was our turn again. I was asked if my family would do it on the 14th of December, and since school was to be out, I agreed. After hanging up the phone I didn’t write the date down, and it was soon forgotten.

Yesterday, while on the way home from campus I listened to a voice mail that was left by the ward member who had asked me to do this, reminding me of my commitment. I had no lesson planned, no activities or treats and all the kids were at dance class. After dance I rushed the older kids home and forced them to eat something quick while I skimmed the Ensign for some thoughts to share. When Bean got home from her class we ran over to the apartments and walked in 5 minutes late.

I figured that if my lesson sucked, they wouldn’t invite us back, which was fine with me. When we got there, about a dozen elderly ladies were all sitting in front of the fireplace, patiently waiting for us. They even had a plate full of chocolate chip muffins ready. I introduced myself and the family, had one of the kids say a prayer and then began talking about Christmas, asking the residents for their thoughts. The lesson was unfocused, uninformed and uninspired.

At one point I stopped and had the kids sing ‘Silent Night’, and after the closing prayer they sang “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’. I found that the old ladies didn’t care a bit about the lesson. They just wanted someone to talk to and share stories with. They wanted to know everything about me: where I was going to school, where I worked, where Kate worked, what the kids wanted for Christmas, if I still have family in Rexburg. Many of them rarely leave the facility, and enjoyed the chance to dote on the Shirley kids. A lot of them don't have families, or their familes live far away and rarely come to see them. For a night we acted as proxy children and grandchildren for them.

Even though we were only there for an hour, I feel like those that came had a good time. I think I needed the experience more than they did. Many asked me if we would please do it again. The next time I am needed for a family home evening lesson for these ladies I will gladly do it. Although next time I will write the date down…

2009-11-27T16:34:00.001-08:00

Black (and Blue) Friday

Wednesday, 7:00 PM: Kate makes a reconnaissance mission to the local Target store to determine the location of the ‘door buster’ items.

Thursday (Thanksgiving) 4:00 PM: Kate breaks out her copy of the Target ads to show the family. All last minute requests are made, with the expectation that Kate will get add 10% to the cost of each item, as ‘hazard pay’.

11:55 PM: Kate leaves home to stake her claim in line.

Friday, 1:30 AM: Kate, who has been resting in her car, notices that a group of heavyweights has taken her place in the front of the line. She stares the ladies down as she unrolls her sleeping bag behind them.

3:45 AM: Store management makes a barricade from shopping carts and announces that line jumpers will be harshly punished. Kate calls Chris to come down and jump the line before too many others do.

4:05 AM: Chris arrives, walking past hundreds of angry patrons to take his spot at the front of the line. He brings a hot beverage as a cover, claiming that he only came to warm his wife up.

4:10 AM: Kate complains of how cold her bum is. Chris offers to rub it to warm it up. She declines.

4:40 AM: ‘Vultures’ arrive, standing in the parking lot, waiting for the line to start moving so they can surreptitiously slip in with the rest of the crowd. They pretend to be disinterested, sipping coffee and quietly chatting.

4:45 AM: Store manager makes the announcement that line jumpers will be denied service and escorted from the premises. The vultures, undaunted, sip their coffee and stare with their beady little eyes.

4:50 AM: Chris and Kate review the ‘game plan’ one more time, putting their ‘game faces’ on.

5:00 AM: The doors open. As they enter the store, Chris hears a line jumper behind him yelling, 'Don't tase me, bro!' Chris veers to the left to pursue video games. Kate makes a dash for the toy section. An astute store clerk sees Kate coming and pushes a cart into the aisle. Kate grabs it mid stride and bolts for the back of the store.

5:05 AM: Chris takes his video game stash and makes for the toy section. He finds Kate holding a blue haired septuagenarian in a ‘full nelson’ because the elder tried to steal an item from Kate’s overflowing cart of toys.

5:06 AM: As they try to push against the crowd toward the front of the store, Kate is distracted by some fleece blankets. Chris uses his body to cover the cart, to prevent another attempted pilfering.

5:08 AM: Kate and Chris pass a Target employee who is cowering under a clothing rack in the fetal position, looking for ‘a happy place’.

5:09 AM: Fight breaks out over who has claim to the last sale copy of ‘Friends’ season one on DVD. Kate and Chris contemplate stopping to watch the bloodshed, but decide against it.

5:12 AM: The Shirleys pay for their items, rejoicing both at the fact that they did not have to wait in line to pay, and about the fact that they ‘saved’ so much money on Christmas presents.

5:17 AM: The booty is loaded into the van, and the Shirleys leave the Target parking lot as customers continue pouring into the store.

6:00 AM: After stashing the goods in a secret location, the Shirleys arrive at home. Chris again offers to help Kate warm up. She again declines, and they go to bed.

2009-11-26T22:35:00.000-08:00

Thankful it's Over

Thanksgiving was a little different this year. Monday night Bean started acting strange, whiny and lethargic. Tuesday morning we kept her home from school because she was really sick. A trip to the doctor's office revealed that she probably had the H1N1 flu. They wanted Kate to go to Primary's to test for sure. Knowing that Bean wouldn't comply, Kate asked if treatment would be different if Bean had the swine flu. The answer was no, so Kate skipped the extra headache. Wednesday, Patrick came down with it. Needless to say, taking our kids around their nieces and nephews for Thanksgiving dinner was not an option. So Kate took Samantha and Whitney to Pat's for dinner while I stayed home with the sickly ones. Whitney didn't want to stay at grandma's very long, so she came home, and I was able to sneak over for some reheated turkey, stuffing, spuds, etc.

This is how Patrick spent most of the week.

Since Thanksgiving wasn't a lot of fun for the kids, Kate decided that a gingerbread house would make things better. She was right. They had a great time making it. Usually the kids want to eat all the candy instead of adding it to the house. Since everyone was so sick this year, it wasn't an issue...

2009-11-23T21:19:00.000-08:00

A Fine Day at the Stadium

This past weekend I took Patrick to a football game. It was the only Ute game we made it to this year. My co-worker gave me her tickets to the game against San Diego State. It wasn't much of a game, as the Utes rolled over the Aztecs in a tune up for this week's confrontation with the BYU Boogars. But it was a lot of fun to take some time off from studying and take my boy to a game.

Patrick demonstrated that he is a true Shirley. Before the game I bought him a hot dog, some chips and a Coke. In the first half the guy sitting next to us pulled out a bag of cookies, which were each the size of a dinner plate. He gave one to P-Man, instructing him to share it with his dad. He said no way, that he would eat it all himself. I told him that I would give him five bucks if he ate the whole thing. And he did. In the second half the kettle corn guy came down the aisle peddling his bags. "That kettle corn is five bucks." Patrick noted. "Yes it is." I replied. "Can I have the five bucks you owe me?" he asked. I gave him a fiver, and he purchased his kettle corn. I have no idea where he put all that food.

Utah freshman quarterback Jordan Wynn is now sporting a mustache. So before the game a woman sitting on the front row just ahead of us handed out fake mustaches to everyone around. I didn't put one on, as I am wearing my winter beard and it wouldn't stick. But I thought Patrick looked pretty good in his.

2009-11-19T11:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day

We have a lot of November birthdays in our family. I attribute it to Valentine's Day being in February. Whitney recently celebrated her 12th pass around the sun. She has now graduated from the Primary, and is a Beehive. A week later Samantha had her 6th birthday.

Whitney invited some friends from school over for a game and movie night.

Patrick and Bean did a great job of calling the numbers for BINGO.

The game of musical chairs got a little rough, but we were able to restore order before the authorities were called.

Because the party goers were mostly female, a spontaneous rendition of 'YMCA' was inevitable.

Being the only boy invited to the party, Lucas felt that he had to come through and be the one to break open the pinata.

When Mayra broke through he shrugged his shoulders and said 'Well, of course. I softened it up for her.'

Watching the kids build their ice cream sundaes was almost enough to turn your stomach. Do you really need to make a 'suicide' and include all flavors of ice cream and all toppings?

Sunday we had a family party for both girls. As usual Kate provided an amazing spread for everyone. And yes, she did make the cupcakes, and there is one lit candle on each.

I told Whitney there is no shame in not being able to blow out all of the candles at once. After all, there were 40 of them...

2009-11-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

Trick or Treat! Smell my Feet!

Sponge-Bean Square Pants. She was mad that her brother didn't dress up like Patrick Star.

Notice that the Wolverine doesn't have his claws. Stupid school policies. "No weapons or facsimilies"...

I referred to Whitney's costume as a 'dead bride'. She yelled at me and told me that she was "So-and-so, Queen of the Darkness". You can see how I get the two mixed up.

A Princess. A good fit for her...

We carved 'hunkins' at Pat's house this year, which meant that I actually had to cut the faces with a knife. I couldn't justify the mess of my drill at someone else's house.

Be careful with that knife, Patrick...

Bean was kind of freaked out all night, especially when that terrifying monster came up from out of the pumpkin behind her...

2009-10-24T21:15:00.001-07:00

All the leaves are brown,
and the Sky is grey…

Today was my last chance to get the yard winterized. I almost didn’t make it. I was frantically raking to get the leaves cleaned up before a storm hit when I heard a tell-tale sound that made me drop my rake and look up: the whine of an F-16. Ever since I was a little kid I have been fascinated by jets. Sure enough, a moment later a pair of Falcons flew overhead. I could also tell that they were not alone. A different, louder scream could be heard, and shortly thereafter a pair of F-22s passed by. I watched until the quartet passed from view, then, noticing that the storm was closing in I picked up my rake and began working again. It wasn’t long before the thunder of the jets approached again. Once again I stopped and watched. For fifteen minutes I stopped working each time they flew over. I knew they wouldn’t be coming back when I saw them fly over headed north toward Rice-Eccles Stadium in tight formation, for the flyover before the Utah/Air Force football game. The storm hit before I could finish my yard work, and I was soaked. But it was worth it. Fighter jets are cool.

We also got Samantha’s soccer pictures today. Her team name is ‘The Bears’, as you can see from the coach’s ball cap. The girls couldn’t agree on a team name, so sometimes they are the ‘Gummi Bears’, sometimes they are the ‘Golden Bears’ and at other times they are just ‘Da Bears!’ But after next week they will be the ‘Hibernating Bears’, since the season will end until next Spring.
And because it is Fall, we have our school pictures. This is the first time that all four kids have had school pictures taken.

Soon we will have dance pictures. All four kids are now in dance class. Yes, Patrick too. I will post a video of his mad break dancing skills soon. Speaking of dancing, earlier this week the kids were talking about a friend of theirs that has a Wii. We do not have a Wii and probably never will. Pat has one, and it is a special thing for the kids to do over at Grandma’s house, kind of like the trampoline at Grandpa Stretch’s house. Anyway, the discussion about the kids’ friend’s Wii centered on the fact that the friend has Dance, Dance Revolution and they wish Pat had that game. Kate reminded the kids that Pat in fact does have that game. Whitney replied “I thought that the game Grandma Pat had was called ‘Dance, Dance Your Pants Off’”. It seems that at some point I might have referred to Pat’s game as that name, and the kids really thought that was what it was called. Personally I like that name better…

2009-10-21T11:17:00.001-07:00

Weekend Getaway

In July of 1998 Kate and I took a honeymoon trip to Vegas. Whit was less than a year old, and it was the first time Kate had been away from her. We cut the trip a day short so we could get back to her. In the 11 years since, we have not taken a trip without the kids. So this weekend’s jaunt to Denver, while short, was much overdue.

We flew out Friday afternoon. Since Jim lives there he directed us to a great sports grill where we could eat while watching the Yankees play the Angels. I had the best hamburger I’ve ever eaten. I was covered in a jalapeno cream cheese spread. Saturday morning we slept late, then made a trip to the gym (fitness doesn’t take a vacation, you know!) We then got cleaned up and headed downtown to a matinee of ‘Wicked’.

I made every effort to go into the performance blind. I didn’t want to have any preconceived notions about the play. We had really great seats, and the show was outstanding. I overheard some people saying that the part of Elphaba was played by an understudy, who wasn’t as good, but I had no idea. I thought she did an excellent job. If you haven’t had the chance to see it, I would highly recommend it. I don’t want to ruin anything for anyone, but it is a very clever tale, and the effects and music are very powerful. At one point during the performance, we were all sitting there misty-eyed because of a moving scene. But the woman beside me was more than just a little weepy. She was full-on sobbing. It is definitely something that is to be seen more than once. There are a great many subtle hints and suggestions all throughout that I only realized later.

That evening we ate at another sports grill, so we could watch the Yankees game. We got there at 6:30, shortly after the game started. After we had been there for an hour and a half, the Utah/UNLV football game came on. I was in heaven, with the Utes and the Yankees games side by side. I joked that we were going to be there for three more hours, until the end of the Utah game. We did see the end of the Ute game, but only because the baseball game went 13 innings. And of course the Yankees and Utes both won. We didn’t plan on a 5 hour dinner, but the food was good and the games were better, so it all worked out.

Sunday afternoon we tooled around the suburbs south of Denver, taking a walk down memory lane while visiting the house and school of Kate’s youth. Having never been there it was a short walk for me.

We got home late Sunday night, exhausted and satisfied. We definitely need to do things like this more than once every 11 years…

2009-10-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

October Baseball

Bean learned a lot during her first season of T-Ball. For example, tonight, at the last game of the season, she learned that you play the conditions. Taking a page from the Colorado Rockies, her team played in ice cold temperatures. And the kids were troopers, toughing it out. Unlike the Rockies, though, Bean's last game ended with a trophy.

Having never played T-Ball I learned a lot too. Some of the rules I discovered: no one strikes out. The kids get as many hacks as they need. No one gets thrown out. Kids are taught that no matter who is on base, the ball is always fielded to first base. But even if the throw beats the runner (which is a rarity) the runner is safe. Everybody hits every inning. So if team A has 8 players show up and team B only has 5, team A gets three more batters per inning. The last batter of each inning gets a grand slam.

As you can see from the team picture, Bean lost her hat. I guess our new dog (named Yankee) took offense to Bean being on the Tigers and chewed the hat up. At the first game after the incident Bean's coach invoked Lou Brown from 'Major League' and told her "We wear caps and sleeved at this level, son!" Okay, not really.

2009-10-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

The Rocket Man

Grandpa Stretch has outdone himself this time. He took a piece of ABS, a sprinkler valve, a doorbell switch, some PVC pipe and his air compressor and made a rocket launcher. Last week I took the kids over to his house to pop off some rockets in the front yard. It's a great idea, especially since the rockets are powered by air, and can't spark a fire in someone's yard. The rockets are made from construction paper and tape, with 3X5 cards for fins. We found that we could get about 10 launches per rocket, before the air pressure blew out the paper. The kids used to want to go to his house to jump on the trampoline. Now they want to go shoot off rockets.

It's the final countdown!

The boneyard of spent rockets...

2009-09-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

"T"-ing off

Some pictures and video of Bean at her t-ball game this weekend. She was having a great time.

2009-09-09T19:53:00.001-07:00

Active Labor

Labor Day weekend 2009 was a busy one. I skipped out of work early Friday afternoon and took the kids up to see Grandma Shirley. Last October when Grandpa passed away he was buried in the wrong plot. Dad noticed it on Memorial Day, and Grandpa has since been moved to his final resting place. We had a second graveside service on Sunday and once again got to relive some of our favorite stories about Ross.

On the way back from the service we drove through Sugar City. Dad told me some stories about the events of the weekend that the city was covered with six feet of water after the Teton Dam failed in 1976. I don’t know why those events fascinate me as much as they do, but I determined to get some of his stories down on paper for a future post.

Saturday we took the kids to the St. Anthony sand dunes and let them get all gritty. It was a lot of fun. I had this great idea that I would take a towel along and wipe the majority of the sand off of the kids before they got back in the van, so I would have less to vacuum out later. My sand mitigation plan worked well, except I forgot to make the kids empty out their pockets. You will see from the pictures that they had accumulated a great deal of sand from sliding down the dunes.

We also took the kids over to uncle Nephi’s and gave them their first exposure to canoeing. I’m not sure what was more popular: the canoeing, or feeding Chester the horse all weekend. It’s too bad Chester has a bum hoof and couldn’t give some rides.

The barbecue was great. We didn’t get rained out, the food was great, and Ard didn’t burn the house down (though it was dicey for a few minutes when the grease trap caught on fire).

Shared brought his four-wheeler and we had a good time with it...

...until that buzz-kill ranger showed up...

A spoon full of sand? Thanks, but I had a big lunch...

Is that sand, or are you just happy to see me? We made a lot of jokes about 'Kats' burying their poop in the sand.

Unfortunately we didn't bury him deep enough, and he was able to escape.

Bean got tuckered out before everyone else was ready to leave, so she took a little nap. When she woke up she was unhappy that she couldn't have her sucker back.

Now that is just plain nasty...

Beckie, Chester. Chester, Beckie. Chester doesn't like camera flashes.

American Gothics...

Fork you, steer!

2009-08-28T16:41:00.000-07:00

The End of Summer Blitz

Last week everyone tried their best to get one last hurrah in before the start of the school year. It was a wild week, but we had a great time.

Tuesday night the MPA program at the U hosted a welcome back party. I figured that since I have been in the program for a year now, I should probably introduce Kate to some of the people I go to school with. Up to now she had no verification that I was even in school. Now that she has met my cohorts, there will be no more accusations that the money I spend on tuition is actually supporting my mistress…

Anyway, the party was held at the mill in the Tracy Aviary. The food wasn’t spectacular, but the kids had a great time exploring the aviary. The two highlights were the bald eagles and the bird that pooped right in front of the kids.

Thursday night we attended St. Mark’s Hospital’s summer party. And they know how to throw a party. The park was filled with blow up slides and bounce houses for the kids. They also had booths with games where the kids could win little trinkets. Kate got there before I did, and the moment I arrived Whitney begged me to come watch her battle her friend Lucas. She had already beaten him, and wanted me to see the rematch. As you will see from the video, it didn’t go as she had planned. The battle between Patrick and Samantha also ended badly for both of them, when they clonked heads. The party also featured a mini-golf course, and Bean found herself in heaven. Her golf methods look more like shuffle board than anything else. Kate and Whit also had a great time on the rock wall.

The party was catered by famous Dave’s, which was great. It has been a long time since I last enjoyed their Devil’s Spit barbecue sauce. I also ate cotton candy for the first time in years (I only got one little tuft of it before someone who will not be named [Pat] got a hold of it). We didn’t think we would be there very long, but I felt bad when Kate dropped off Lucas at nearly 10:00. The hospital had a host of prizes to raffle, and they ended up doing it by flashlight. I was hoping that Kate would win the Wii, but she ended up with a car wash and detail, which would come in handy after the weekend.

Friday I took the day off so we could get one camping trip in. We tried earlier in the summer, but got rained out. Getting the campsite was somewhat of an odyssey. The sites at Tanner’s Flat that could be reserved were all booked. The rest of the sites are first-come, first-served. The web site says that you can get there to get on the list as early as 6AM. I raced up the canyon and got to the check in ten minutes early, only to find that the web site is wrong. They open at 7. So after waiting for an hour, the host came out and informed me, to my delight, that he had sites available. However, since I was not expecting to get a site right away, but being added to a list, I had no cash. He agreed to hold my spot while I went to get cash. After finding an ATM I learned the hard way that my debit card expired at the end of July (see how often I use it?) After going all the way home for a check I was able to secure the camp site. The extra effort was worth it. The site was great.

Because it was a Shirley camp trip, we had to have a hike. Stretch spotted a waterfall from the road, and we decided to tackle it. Little Cottonwood is a culinary watershed, so you can’t just tromp through the creek, and we had no bridge to get across. We found a fallen log and used it to cross over. There was no trail, so we picked our way through the brush. It was steep, and at times we were simply pulling ourselves up with branches. Dad, Shared and I were working pretty hard, and I decided that I need my head examined for letting Patrick come. But he was a trooper. Side note: Patrick was told to pack his own clothes and ‘forgot’ to pack skivvies. And because his pants are usually halfway down, I spent most of the hike with his bum in my face. We all ended up with scratches on our arms and legs from the hike, but he’s the only one who got them on his rump.

The waterfalls were amazing, and we’ve already decided to go back next year and continue up to the source.

Samantha and Whitney had a great time playing cards with Kat and Shared. I don’t know if Kat and Shared enjoyed it as much, but they pretended to.

The camp trip wouldn’t be complete without my bread pudding and banana boats. I also brought a bag of Rhodes Rolls and made Navajo tacos for dinner on Friday and scones for dessert. As usual, we ate like kings and ate way too much.

This week Kate took the Bean in for her birthday pictures. I think they turned out really well.

Now it is time to settle in for the school year. Soccer games start this Saturday for Samantha and my little Whitney is in 6th grade. Crazy!

2009-08-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing

Last Friday night Kate and I attended the Chris Isaak concert at Red Butte Gardens. If it seems that Chris Isaak is a little out of character for us, it's because it is. I am not a big fan of Isaak, and before the concert couldn't name more than one of this songs (Wicked Game, of course). Kate's Dad bought the tickets, then couldn't use them and offered them to us.

I didn't know what to expect, and when he came out on stage in a sequined suit, I thought he seemed like a real Elvis man. When he covered Elvis' 'Love me Tender' the thought was confirmed. We had a great time. Isakk puts on a fun show. He came out into the crowd and sang while walking around shaking hands with people and allowing people to take pictures with him. (The tickets said no cameras, so I left mine in the car, except for my phone, which is why the pictures I have suck). In addition to the Elvis song he covered Roy Orbison songs, and I found that I recognized more of his songs than I thought I might.

We felt a little out of place at the concert. We were among the youngest people at the show. We also left our picnic basket, wine bottles and wine glasses at home. Almost as entertaining as the show was the host of middle age people getting freaky. That's right. The couple next to us were probably in their 50s, but during the dance songs, and especially during the romantic songs they were getting down right nasty. And they weren't the only ones. The woman in front of us (also in her 50s) had to be helped into her chair because she was so blitzed she couldn't sit.

The venue is amazing. The scenery there is beautiful. A rain storm passed through just before the show started and cooled things down. Another upside to attending concerts there is the fact that the parking lot is the same one I use while I am at work. I parked at the end of the lot, right next to the main entrance to the concert. I then hiked over to the hospital to work. After the concert we walked out of the gates, got in the car and zipped out of the parking lot quickly. It was nice.

The show was great and so was my date.

2009-08-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

Bean's Big Baseball Bash

I've always said that Kate deserves a lot of credit for the effort she puts in to our kids' birthdays and holidays. She always downplays the effort, claiming that she does nothing special. She and I will disagree on that point especially after yesterday. Kate worked hard to pull Bean's 4th birthday party together. To employ some baseball parlance, Kate hit this one out of the park. Lauren is into sports, and since we did a basketball birthday last year, we went with a baseball theme this year. We went with Mexican food, since we weren't in the mood to barbeque burgers and dogs again. Kate spent most of the party making tortillas on the griddle. This after spending all day (and part of the previous day) making cakes, cupcakes, Cafe Rio salad dressing and chicken, as well as her apple dumplings. Bean absolutely loved all of her birthday presents. Except for one. She opened an outfit Kate and I geve her, looked at it and very matter of factly said, "I don't like that." Say what you will about Bean, she's honest.

Kate was worried that no one would be able to tell what was portrayed on top of Bean's cake. I told her that anyone who didn't had been beaned by too many fastballs...

Bean decided to sing Happy Birthday to herself, and even brought the microphone...

Some jerk (me) overbaked the cupcakes, so if you tried to pull the 6-4-3 double play with them you would end up with a balk...

The party coincided with the final game of a 4 game series between the Yankees and the Red Sox. Derek and the boys delivered a win for the Bronx Bombers, and later dedicated the last game of the series sweep to Lauren.

This was the first year we used a real bat for the pinata. And after some near misses and a couple of 'foul balls' it will be our last...

Kate was worried that the pinata would break too easily, so she reinforced it. So much so that she had to break out her 'big guns' and go 'Albert Pujols on it.

The pinata was as big as Barry Bonds' head...

It was a great party. A good time was had by all. Bean was so tired after the party that she fell asleep without even taking off her new Yankees Crocs. She and Kate expended so much energy on the party I may have put both of them on the DL for a while...

2009-08-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

Pioneers, Parades and Peril

Last weekend we celebrated the hard work and sacrifices of the pioneers who settled the Salt Lake Valley by taking a day off work and stuffing our faces. As usual I took the kids to the parade on the morning of the 24th. It was plenty hot, and the nice lady in front of us put up a giant umbrella that gave her and her kids some great shade, and completely blocked our view of the floats and horse poop. She got a little irritated when my kids began to crowd around her, trying to see, but as you might imagine, I did nothin about it. Last year the parade started with an F-16 flyover. So many people complained about the afterburner that rattled windows and made little kids cry that they changed things up. Instead we were treated to a flyover from a KC-135 refueling tanker. It was somewhat of a letdown.

As you can see, Bean didn't really get into the parade...

Whitney was the only smart one, finding a shady area to watch the parade.

You may recall this picture from last year of Samantha enjoying the fireworks.

Contrast that picture with this one from this year, in which Patrick had to hunker down while Jeff tried to make the neighborhood look like a war zone...

As usual, Paul came to the barbecue at Alley's house loaded with glow in the dark toys for all of the kids. It was a great time, and no limbs or eyeballs were lost...this year...

2009-07-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

A Short Trip

Yesterday I completed my class on Public Policy and AIDS. After sitting in the library for 8 hours and finishing with a final exam I took my kids up to Tanner's Flat campground to see the family. Chas is heading back to Hawaii next week, so this weekend was the only time they had to get a camp trip in. By the time I got up there we only had a couple of daylight hours left. While the girls made s'mores Patrick and I went on a short hike. He did really well for a short little guy. I was happy to see how much he enjoys hiking. A chip off the old block...

We didn't stay overnight, because I had to teach in church today. But it was a nice relaxing evening.

Uh, Whit, your marshmallows are on fire...

I would like to commission a study about how many marshmallows are actually eaten as opposed to those that just end up in the fire.

Patrick was kind enough to stop every once in a while to wait up for me.

This just really pisses me off.

In case you're wondering, yes, he is hiking with flip flops on...

2009-07-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

11 Years and Counting

Last night Kate and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary. We kind of made a big deal about it. The first half of this year has been a major challenge, with my school schedule, our work schedules, Kate's health, the girls, Froggy getting smashed, and everything else. We both feel that we have handled everything pretty well. So we decided to have a special evening. Plus, it was a milestone anniversary, being 10 years since our temple sealing. Kate bought a beautiful new dress. Being the bonehead that I am, I didn't bring a camera along to get pictures of her in her dress. But I will post pictures as soon as I can get them. We spent the evening at Franck's Restaurant in Holladay. It is a beautiful place with excellent food. I will be sure to go there again. But not before I can save up some money. It was a very relaxing evening, and I was able to dwell on how lucky I am that Kate said 'yes' so many years ago. When I think about it, it doesn't seem like 11 years. It has gone by fast. And yet I can't remember what life was like before she and I were together. I know I am getting mushy, so I will stop now. But if you go to Franck's, get the halibut.

Check out the whole menu:

2009-07-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

Independence Day 2009

In honor of Froggy, and in an attempt to get rid of the stain in the street, we decided to light all of this year's fireworks on the spot where she was killed. We didn't get rid of the stain, but the firework display was impressive.

Bean was glad that uncle Chas came to watch fireworks with us because he decided to wear his Yankees cap, instead of that awful BYU hat he wears...

When asked about the fireworks package that Kate bought, Whitney answered, "You picked a winner, mom!"

Samantha was "blown away" by her dad's great firework display

Literally...

Usually a picture is worth a thousand words. Thanks to Pat and Whit, this one is worth two.

The newlyweds (Shared and Kat) graced us with their presence.

Can you guess what happened about 10 seconds after this picture was taken (I'll give you a hint: Scott was glad Patrick decided to wear undies)

2009-06-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

When you don't have pockets, improvise...

Next time you think about shaking hands with Kate, think twice. Firday as she was in the bathroom getting cleaned up, Bean came running in, stark naked. Seeing Bean naked is not a big deal, as she frequently sheds her burdensome clothing. As she entered the bathroom she proudly held up Kate's emerald ring. Taking the ring from Lauren, Kate asked "Where's my wedding ring?" She knew that Bean would have swiped both of them, since they had been on the dresser together. Bean answered "He he he! It's in my bum!" She then unclenched her butt cheeks, reached around, and produced the ring. When I heard this story I couldn't help but think of this classic movie moment...

2009-06-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

The Graduate

Samantha was presented with her diploma from preschool. I can't believe that she will be in kindergarten next year. The kids are just getting too big to cuddle...

The Big Dog in the Ballpark

We brought home our new dog this week. Her name is Yankee. I'll bet you can't guess who named her. She is a purebred German Shepherd. She was born on Patrick's birthday, May 1st. Even though she is only eight weeks old she already dwarfs Blossom. And Blossom doesn't like the hyper little puppy. But then again, Eddie and Al don't like either dog.

Rain on my Parade

Last night was our ward's annual campout. We had a lot of fun and ate like kings. I was the first to arrive at the campground, and was able to snag the prime tent site. Shortly after dinner and just before the campfire program our friend Megan got a call from her husband, Scott, who was working in Taylorsville. He informed her that a half inch of hail had just dumped on Taylorsville and that the storm was headed our way. Moments later we were soaked by a cloud burst. There were about 80 people in the campsite at the time. All of those who were not planning to stay the night jumped in their cars and went home, leaving the cleanup of dinner to the handful of us who were planning on camping. It was a very neighborly gesture. I threw the Shirley kids in the tent and told them to wait until the storm was over.

The lighning was close and the thunder loud. The kids were getting scared so each time the light flashed I would yell 'Wow! That was awesome!' It seemed to work, because soon they began doing the same. Because I had picked such a great tent site, we were completely dry. We were the only ones. Soon I realized that my tent was the last one standing. So I helped Rex pack up all of his dutch ovens and cooking gear and load it into his trailer. I was still planning on staying, but I realized that Rex was leaving with the breakfast materials. I figured it was best to break camp while I still had some daylight, because if I waiting two hours and the rain hadn't abated, or if we got water in the tent, I would be breaking camp in the dark and alone. So we packed up and came home. By the time we got home (20 minutes) it was clear and beautiful. Figures. Oh well, better luck next time.

Get Your Head in the Game

This afternoon Francie called to inform me that Kyle Korver was at Harmon's signing autographs. My first thought was to wake Kate so we could run down there. But since she was working tonight I decided to let her sleep. I took the kids over (Whitney refused) and stood in line with them. He was very personable, joking with Patrick about his shirt that reads "Voted Most Likely to Squish Stuff". He even signed Lauren's autograph to 'Bean'. Now we'll see if he will even be back this year...

2009-06-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

The Importance of Articulation

For the past several months Bean has responded to the question "What's your name?" with the response "Lauren Webster". We had no idea who Lauren Webster was. I assumed that she was a character from one of the many TV shows the kids watch. On the last day of school Lauren came home with a packet full of papers. Kate was going through the papers when Bean began to yell "Look! Look! Lauren Webster!" She was pointing to her name placard, which had the name "Lauren" on it. It also had a drawing of a lobster. As it turns out the teacher placed a drawing of an animal that started with the same letter as each child's name. It wasn't Lauren Webster after all. It was Lauren Lobster...

2009-06-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

All Grown Up

It's been a week since Kate's 30th birthday party, and I am just now posting about it. I am ashamed. I created a video tribute to celebrate Kate, just as I did for Stretch's 60th birthday. However, because of the sheer size of the file I had trouble uploading it. So I had to break it up into three parts, compromising my artistic creativity. I also had some issues with YouTube and copyright issues, so I had to change the music a little, which should make Pat happy, since she complained about the awesome tunes I had attached. So enjoy.

Kate made some heavenly apple dumplings. Ingredients: sugar, butter, apples, dough, Mt. Dew and guilt.

The Air Force sent a KC-135 and a quartet of F-16s for a flyby to mark Kate's birthday. I thought that was very nice of them...

'Blossom' made her debut with the family that day. She is what Bean refers to as a 'chick-a-wah-wah' and she is our new canine.

Do you think Patrick and Josh coordinated their outfits? I really hope not...

And Beckie was her usual pleasant self...

I worried that the inclement weather would ruin the party, since my house is not big enough to hold 50 guests. But after a short shower things turned pretty nice. (And don't think I don't see that finger again Beckie!)

Of course that snooty, annoying little Omnibot had to come in to try to steal the show...

Hey robot! See that ring on Kate's left hand? That's right. Back away jerk.

2009-05-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

Froggy
~2000-2009

This morning when I left the house I stepped over Lauren, who had her arms wrapped around her best friend Froggy, carrying on a one-sided conversation with the pug. It was the last image I had of Froggy alive. About 2:30 this afternoon I got a call from Kate. She told me that we had a situation. I wondered if one of the kids had flooded the bathroom again or something of that nature. I wish. All of the kids had been playing in the front yard, Froggy included. A man who had been landscaping a yard in our neighborhood drove by in his dump truck, and Frog gave chase. Kate was in the house when she heard all the kids burst in screaming that Froggy was dead. They had witnessed Froggy getting crushed under the tires of the truck.

I won’t sicken you with the gory details, but it was a sight that I wish the kids hadn’t seen. By the time I got home a couple of my neighbors had carefully cleared up the remains of the dog and placed them in a box, which I took to the animal control office.

As you might imagine, Whitney and Bean took it the hardest. Whit was hysterical. Bean was more subdued, but has been walking around the house all evening asking “Where’s my doggy?” and repeatedly declaring that “Froggy got hurt by the truck” and “Froggy is with Jesus.” It wasn’t until I heard Bean talking like this that I lost it.

Kate has also taken it pretty hard. She feels responsible for letting Froggy be out front in the first place. As the dog’s eyesight worsened, we tried to be more diligent about not letting her go out front. She became more agitated about diesel trucks, and still chased them. We had done a pretty good job of keeping her inside, but with the nice weather, and the kids going in and out of the house and the back yard, it was inevitable that she would get out.

We had tickets to go see ‘UP’ tonight, and I felt as though it was wrong to go to a movie on the day that the kids’ dog was killed. But I also thought that maybe it would help get the kids’ minds off of what they had seen. What I didn’t know is that dogs play a major part in ‘UP’. Kate cried throughout, Patrick broke down, and after the show Whitney lost it.

I was wondering what we were going to do about Bean. I wasn’t sure how we were going to get her to bed without her ‘pillow’. After the movie we came home and started to get the kids ready for bed. Bean had disappeared, and I found her asleep in the corner of the couch, the same spot where Froggy always slept while waiting for the kids to go to bed.

Froggy was about as good of a dog as anyone could ask for. She never had accidents and was always well behaved. The only thing she ever wanted was to be loved, and the best thing that ever happened to her was when Bean took an interest in her. Bean would sit for hours at a time, just petting and talking to Froggy. She will be sorely missed.

To give you an idea of how great she was, I have to be a little graphic and I apologize. A few weeks ago Bean got sick. One morning during the illness I walked into Bean and Whitney’s room to discover that Bean’s pull-ups had failed during the night, and the bed was covered with diarrhea. I bathed Lauren while Kate stripped the bed. A few minutes later I noticed that Frog had also been pooped on. She just sat in the corner, unconcerned about her soiled state. So while Kate dressed Bean I gave Froggy a bath of her own. That night I put the kids in bed and went down to gather Froggy from her spot on the couch. She looked up at me and drooped her ears, as if to ask “Are you serious?” But she dutifully got up and walked upstairs and into the bedroom. I figured that she might opt not to sleep in Bean’s bed that night. But when I checked on everyone before retiring, I found her snuggled up next to the Bean.

2009-05-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Changing Headgear

A couple of weeks ago I reported that Bean was obsessed with her High School Musical helmet. She has since changed her choice of headwear from the helmet to something more socially appropriate. Just in time to celebrate the boys of summer. Kate was so proud...

2009-05-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

A Girl's Best Friend

For years Froggy has slept in Whitney's room, usually on her bed. Lately Froggy has switched over to Bean's bed. Both Bean and Froggy love it. Froggy gets someone who wants to cuddle with her, and Lauren gets a soft warm pillow. While sleeping they play 'Dueling Snores'. It makes quite a symphony.

And sometimes when Bean can't find Froggy, she just has to use the arm of the glider rocker...

2009-05-10T11:36:00.001-07:00

Salt Lake Half Marathon 2009

Kate's time: 1 hour, 50 minutes. My time: longer than that...

2009-04-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

A Little Something for Everyone

I actually have a little tidbit about each member of the family for this post. I will start with the most pressing issue: my wife. We had yet another visit at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital this week. Fortunately we had some good news. The official diagnosis is idiopathic thrombocytopenia (ITP). Everything else has been ruled out. Her platelet count is still low, but not low enough that the doctor feels the need to treat it. So despite feeling quite fatigued, Kate is doing well. The bruises are going away.

Don't Need a Helmet, Got a Hard Hard Head...

Patrick's best friend Kaison does not wear a helmet while riding his bike. Patrick knows that he is not supposed to ride his bike without one, but he feels dumb wearing it while Kaison doesn't. Monday afternoon he learned what happens when you go without protection. He and Kaison were involved in a head on collision, which left Patrick with a nice goose egg on his forehead, and scrapes all up and down his arm. So he learned the hard way that his mom and pops aren't just being mean by making him wear the helmet. Sometimes kids just have to learn the hard way that parents are right. Kind of like when my mother told me if I made this ugly face that it would stick. Turns out she was right...

Bean also has learned from her brother's mistake. She found her Wildcats (High School Musical, of course) helmet this week, and hasn't taken it off, even though she doesn't ride a bike. She lounges around the house in it. She insisted on wearing the helmet to school, and Kate allowed it, rather than fighting her. Soon after the bus departed with Bean on it, the school teacher called. She told Kate that she remembered that Lauren had a history of seizures, and wanted to know if the helmet was a precautionary measure due to a recurrence of the seizures. Kate explained why Bean had the helmet, and assured her that there was no risk of anything, except Bean looking like the village idiot.

Call on me

And then there's Whitney. Last Thursday Kate found a message on the phone from Lucas. Lucas is a young man in Whitney's class who was calling to see how she was doing with her math homework. She called him back and had an awkward conversation with him. It was nice to see that she's growing up. But do not, under any circumstances, insinuate that he is her boyfriend. Otherwise she will punch you. It seems that to her boys still have cooties, which is fine with me.

Gettin' Jiggy With It

Samantha participated in a dance competition last Saturday. She did very well.

And finally, there is me. Last week during a Jazz playoff game I saw a commercial for the NBA in which my cousin Jeff sat next to Carlos Boozer, while Booz read books to elementary kids. Jeff did a good job of pretending that he didn't notice the camera was on him. It wasn't as cool as when the news showed up at the school during a snowstorm, and Jeff was seen 'accidentally' wandering into the camera shots repeatedly. But cool nonetheless.

Last Thursday I gained national prominence when I sent an e-mail to the Jim Rome show, which was read on the air. Before you listen to the clip, let me set it up for those who don't listen to the show. Every day Rome reads dozens of e-mails and texts from listeners. At the end of the show he reads the 'Triple U'. It is uninspired, unfunny and unreadable. If the material is bad enough, the sender will get blocked from sending future messages. (No, my e-mail was not the Triple U). Before he reads the Triple U, Rome announces the 'sponsor', which is usually something annoying, irritating, or that people just hate. People send Triple U sponsors to the show, and that day Rome picked mine. He had a little fun with it, and I got my 1 minute of fame. I'll take what I can get.

2009-04-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

The Old Man and the C

Last Sunday we hosted a party to celebrate a couple of birthdays. Though it was my birthday, the real reason for the party was Stretch's 60th. I made this video to celebrate him, as well as embarrass him. I accompished both. For those who were unable to attend the party, enjoy.

I'm hoping to look that good when I am 60. Though I know it won't happen.

Pat had a good time...

Mac had a good time...

Kate had a...do you see a recurring theme here? Must be a Wharton thing...

Based on baby Gwen's stare, I'd say she was hungry...

This is Buddy before he decided to punch my coffee table with his face...

Pat was in a better mood after Ard and Jan arrived. Who wouldn't be?

2009-04-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hooray for School!

Last Friday I attended a short ceremony at the elementary school, wherein Whitney was presented with the 'Power' award. She's working hard in school and doing a great job.

Bean also has been enjoying her pre-school. She came home last week with the lion and lamb she made. A woman in my Dad's ward works at the school and knows Lauren. She told my Dad that Bean talks about her sister Whitney and her brother Patrick. The woman was surprised to find out that Bean has another sister, Samantha. That speaks volumes about how the two of them feel about each other.

2009-04-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Eggheads

Tonight we performed our annual ritual of hard boiling and dyeing 60 eggs that we have no intention of eating. Not that I don’t like hard boiled eggs. It’s just that you can only eat them so many different ways before they get really old. Anyway, the kids had a great time coloring the eggs, and we managed to get through it without a single spilled dye. And as a bonus, we won’t have to go to church on Easter Sunday with someone’s whole hand colored green.

I asked Kate to demonstrate a trick she learned from 'Cool Hand Luke', but she politely declined...

2009-04-03T23:11:00.001-07:00

A Real Pain in the Rear

Warning: Some of the following images are graphic and are not meant for children and the squeamish.

By now most everyone knows that Kate has had some strange happenings going on with her body. Several people have said it to me, so let me just put one thing to bed: It has nothing to do with all of the weight she’s lost.

We have started playing a game called ‘count the bruises’. My personal record is 33. Some of the contusions are minor, while others are pretty nasty. Some can be explained, like the one on her forearm that she smacked against the dresser. Others cannot, like the one on her ring finger. We are not sure what is causing the easy bruising, but I can say that the jokes about me beating my wife are starting to get stale.

We spent the day at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital running the gamut of tests. Her platelets are still low, and have gone down since the last tests. The hematologist is pretty sure that she has ITP, or Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura. But he is concerned about the excessive bruising and her swollen lymph nodes. So there will be more tests to come.

The highlight of the day was the bone marrow biopsy. The NP who performed the biopsy insulted me by telling me that I could stay and watch, but that I had to stay seated with my head near my knees, ‘just in case.’ I explained to her that I had practically delivered two of my children and didn’t get squeamish. She wasn’t impressed.

The NP told Kate to find a happy place, because it might hurt a bit. Apparently Kate’s happy place is in a comedy club, because she cracked dirty jokes all the way through it. We wondered if the topical lidocaine had gone to her brain.

To get the marrow, the NP had to go through the flat on the top of the rear pelvic bone. She had to force the needle into the bone, which prompted Kate’s joke about her ‘hard bone’, and her request that I not get one too. Ba-doom-boom! I don’t know what gauge needle she used to take the sample, but I have seen garden hoses that were smaller than that needle. It was huge. The marrow looks like Dr. Pepper. Though if it came from Kate, Diet Coke would be more appropriate. She also took a cross section of the bone. It was fascinating to watch.

We appreciate all those who have been concerned and keeping her in their prayers through all of this. IT has been strange and stressful. The support helps. It also helps that Kate’s glass is always half full. And if you haven’t noticed, Kate and deal with situations through humor. Everything will work out as it always does. And we’ll keep you posted.

2009-03-30T13:35:00.001-07:00

Monsters and Monsters

Saturday night Kate got called off. The kids had been in the house all day and were restless. I had been doing homework all day, and my plan for the evening was to sit around and watch the Jazz/Suns game. When Kate suggested that we take the kids to see Monsters Versus Aliens, I thought it was a great idea. We rarely have a night out with the whole family. Plus, the Jazz were going to crush the Suns anyway, after getting embarrassed down in Phoenix, right?

The way I judge the quality of a kiddie show is how well it keeps the adults entertained. This show did a great job. The kids didn’t get the references to Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Dr. Strangelove, but they made me laugh.

With 20 minutes left in the show Samantha announced that she had to go potty. I took her out, and waited in the lobby while she attended to her business. I could see in the main lobby a group of people standing together and looking up. They were all cheering and groaning at the same time, so I figured the Jazz game must be getting interesting. When Samantha came out we ran over to see what the commotion was all about. The Jazz were down by 2 with 23.5 seconds left and had the ball. I looked at Samantha, then back at the screen. It was a time out. I looked back at her, then again at the screen. I couldn’t make her miss the end of the show so I could see the end of the game, so we went back in to finish the movie.

After the show we came out to find the crowd still standing around. So I was able to see the last 43 seconds of the Jazz’ overtime victory.

After the movie Samantha and Whitney had to go to the bathroom again, so we pulled up a bench while waiting. Soon Bean declared that she had to go too. I took her to the restroom door, opened it, and shooed her in with instructions to find Whitney. I waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually I heard a soft whimpering behind the door. I pushed it open to find Bean crying, her little Levis soaked.

“I peed!” She cried.

“Where’s Whitney?” I asked.

“I don’t knooooooooow!”

As it turns out, Jordan Commons has 50 restrooms. Samantha and Whitney had picked a different one. But overall everyone had a great time and I have been told that we had better buy that movie the second it comes out on DVD. I am happy to comply. It will be a lot cheaper than taking them to see it in the theater again.

Clockwise from top: Whitney, Patrick, Lauren, Samantha, Papa...